Foundation
by Alizes
Summary: If I could've chosen to be born into any family in the Naruto Universe, I think I would have picked Nara. No way in a million years did I ask to be born a Hyuga. Well, at least I'm an identical twin again. OC/Self-insert. Turns very AU in Ch 10
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes**: I'm writing this as though "I" (as in, the me who got transported to the Naruto world) haven't watched Naruto in a long while. Which is sort of true, I hadn't until recently, but I started again in preparation to write this fic.

**9-19 Update: **Also, I'm noticing from my visitor stats that I get a lot of visitors for the first chapter, which drops drastically in number for the second chapter, drops again for the third chapter but then levels out for the rest of the chapters and rises for the new chapters. Basically what I'm getting here is my first two chapters aren't that great and drive some people away, but if you get to the third and fourth chapters the story starts picking up and those who stay that long stay for the rest of the ride. So, new readers, please read until chapter four before deciding to give up entirely. I know my beginning isn't that riveting but it gets better.

000

If I could've chosen to be born into any family in the Naruto Universe, I think I would have picked Nara. No way in a million years did I ask to be born a Hyūga.

Let me back up a little. I was in a transition period—just finishing up a semester at one school and looking forward to packing and transferring to another. I was expecting saying goodbye to my family in a way much less sudden or unanticipated than I did. In fact, I didn't really get to say goodbye at all.

_Wear your seatbelts_.

For a little while I didn't realize how amazing it was that I was still alive when I should've been dead. I just didn't have the thought processes to. That sounds funny, but everything was blurry and instinctual back then. I didn't really have much control and most of the time the world was just dream-like. I've had some _long_ dreams before; where there's no sense of time and that's sort of what it felt like. Sometimes when I was cold or hungry I began to get it, because those feelings are sharper and clearer than others. I began to feel uncomfortable and strange and like something was very, very _off_. Then I'd cry and someone would wrap me in a blanket or feed me and I'd go to sleep for real.

Eventually I learned who I was. The realization came suddenly. It was probably a day like any other, but I was finally beginning to think and see really clearly. The lady in the room (_Mom_? I thought tentatively) picked me up and put me on a blanket. Then she went and picked another young child and put her on the blanket too. As I stared at the other girl's pale lavender eyes with growing suspicion the lady said a sentence in Japanese that included the names "Hinata" and "Hikaru." I burst into tears as I finally, _finally_ fully realized what had happened.

The lady fussed over me, picking me up and patting me on the back, but I was inconsolable for the next hour.

I had lost everything and everyone.

I was going to be a ninja—I doubted I'd have a choice as a Hyūga. I was going to kill people some day and I was going to have to find a way to be okay with that. In connection with, but more than, that, I was going to have to learn how to be _aggressive. _ In my former life I wasn't a fighter. I wasn't even close.

Eventually I calmed down enough to stop crying and was returned to the blanket. Hinata, who hadn't gotten upset during that whole time, was now napping on the blanket beside me.

000

Time…didn't fly, but we turned one and then two.

I learned that I had already changed things beyond just being born. Our mother was dead. Added stress from the Kyuubi attack coupled with a twin pregnancy caused Akemi Hyūga to go into premature labor. Two weeks after the attack we were born two months early and Akemi-kaa-san died.

I was horrorstruck. Hinata lost her mother far earlier than she should've because of me. Hanabi would never be born because of me. Who knew the full effect losing his wife would have on Hiashi…because of me. I really literally should never have been born, and because I was someone had died.

I cried most nights after Hinata fell asleep, for a lot of reasons. Not only did I cause someone's death, but I was terrified of being a ninja, I'd died a painful death and lost my former world, I felt alone here, and as a young child I simply didn't have as much control over my emotions as a twenty-something year old. They were overwhelming.

For instance, I _knew _in my head that I hadn't chose to come here and part of the blame of Akemi dying lay with the Kyuubi and Madara, and that there wasn't anything I could've done to stop her death, but almost every time I thought of her a horrible guilt and sadness threatened to crush my heart—because I _also_ knew that if I didn't exist then she wouldn't have died when Hinata and I were born. My head wanted to protect my emotional stability (or at least get me to _calm down_) by telling me that it wasn't my fault, that I could mourn but that I should also move on; my heart, on the other hand, wanted to insist that it was _all my fault_, that I must always remember this and I needed to make up for it somehow-as impossible as that would be. My heart was coming out the victor most of the time.

And thus, I cried.

I forgot I was living in a house with a ninja father—who was kept up most nights with business and his own grief—who had excellent hearing and supernatural eyesight. So, one day at breakfast, my heart almost froze when he asked me in a soft voice "Hikaru, are you very sad?"

Then I could feel myself going to pieces as Hinata looked at me, alarmed. She didn't really cry about kaa-chan, because she'd never known her and our nannies were nice. Now, she started crying just because I was, and I managed to whisper "Yes." Father was silent for a full minute.

"I'm sorry." He said. I cried harder. _I _was sorry. Then he stood up, walked around the table, and picked me up. I immediately, instinctively, started to feel a little better. "It'll be okay." He bounced me up and down a little, "You will grow up to be a strong girl. A strong kunoichi. And nothing will make you cry." Even though I didn't really have positive feelings about being a ninja, the words were comforting. I could feel the love and conviction behind them, and I planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, tou-san." I said, sniffling. "I love you." This person wasn't the hardened person I knew from the anime, he was my dad, and I loved him. Then he had to pick Hinata up too, so that we could both get a hold of ourselves. I'll never forget that moment—the sun was streaming in the room, tou-san holding me and Hinata, and the great feeling of peace I suddenly had.

I started to get better. My emotions and crying didn't go away all at once, not by a long shot—but I could remember that moment and draw strength from it. That night I thought "Everything will be ok."

000

**A/N: **This is my first fanfic and props go to _Dreaming of Sunshine _for inspiring me. That is such a great story I can't give it enough praise. A note of warning, I just started a new semester at college and I'm a slow writer. I'll try to update at least once a month though.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hikaru! Do not lean on your left foot so much. Balance yourself properly and then try the strike again."

"Hai!"

I tried to center myself as Dad corrected Hinata on her stance.

"Hah!" I struck forward with my hand, rotating my shoulders and hips and letting my right foot turn on the smooth wood of the dojo floor. Then I returned to starting position, making sure to center myself again. I had actually always wanted to learn martial arts, so I didn't resent doing this as much as I'd thought I would. It was hard work, but for now it was still fun.

We'd begun training four months ago after hitting our two and a half year mark. At first it had been purely stances, stretching, and exercising, but last month we'd started sparring too. Mostly Dad taught us, but sometimes Hizashi-ji-san did, and sometimes another member of the family did. I had been under the impression that in the anime Hiashi had always trained Hinata, but I guessed that in reality he was probably too busy.

Thirty-two repetitions later it was time to spar. Today was my turn to fight Dad first. Hinata retreated to the side and sat down properly next to Hizashi-ji-san, who was observing, as he often did. Neji-nii-san had never joined us, so I guessed that was something that only started after he got the Cursed seal. I huffed out a breath, knowing that while defeating Dad was impossible, success still was. A smile from him after a sparring session was like a rousing cheer.

We took up positions across from each other. I eyed him, almost amused by our height difference.

"Begin!"

000

That hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped. He had frowned a little, though for what reason I couldn't fathom. I thought I'd done pretty much as well as the day before, but maybe that was the problem. I was still shaking just a little from exertion, even though I'd gotten to rest all through Hinata's spar.

No time to think about that now. Hinata and I were going to spar in a few minutes, after a breather. The first time we sparred, it ended up with Hinata having a screaming hissy-fit and trying to punch the living daylights out of me. (What? She's an angel in the anime, but they don't call them terrible two's without cause.) Dad had gotten pretty angry, we both cried and promised never to do that again, and we went without dessert for a week.

Hinata, dare I say it, was simply a bit more competitive than in the anime. I think she was trying to be the dominate twin, even if she didn't know it. That was a battle that hadn't stopped in my previous life until both I and my identical twin grew up and neither of us needed to be dominate, we just supported each other. Before that, I bossed my twin around a lot while she won almost all the arguments. Hey, we balanced each other out. I hoped Hinata and I wouldn't argue so much—that was something I was going to try and prevent.

"Begin!"

I was snapped out of my thoughts and forced to dodge as Hinata came at me. We were on pretty even terms except that whoever sparred with Dad first always got more rest than the other. Usually on the days I rested more I won, but not always—just as she didn't always win even with the extra time.

I knocked her hand out of the way with my left and aimed for her heart with my right. She blocked and hooked my ankle, sending me crashing to the floor. I rolled out of the way of her kick and kicked out at her leg, connecting but not with enough force to cause her to fall. She back pedaled and I got myself up to a crouch before being on the defense again.

The Gentle Fist style is interesting. Despite what the name suggests, we held our hands open. We tried to punch hard, but a "hit" needed barely a touch, preparing us for the time when we would shoot chakra into our opponent's system. The style focused almost exclusively on punches, but because we couldn't mold chakra at such an early age we were taught and allowed to kick when sparring each other. With Dad, we were restricted to our hands. (This had a few reasons: one, we _were_ trying to focus more on our punching technique; two, we could kick because if we ever ran out of chakra in a fight we'd have something more to rely on. A very few Hyuga in history had even become famous for using a weapon as a fallback. I liked that idea.)

I'd managed to straighten up and get Hinata on the defensive. She was backing up as I punched, but I was only landing hits on her arms. I ducked as she punched at me and landed a hit to her stomach.

In these spars if either of us "hit" the other's heart, lungs, neck, or spine it was an automatic win. Otherwise Dad would watch carefully and see who hit where, calling out "Hikaru, left arm," or "Hinata, left leg," and that limb would be disabled. Though really, once we had a leg gone it was pretty much over too. It wasn't like we had to hop around on one foot, but we'd been told that Gentle Fist really hurts and pretending to limp while fighting was a death sentence. Similarly, after an arm was disabled we could still punch with it, but we wouldn't be doing any "chakra damage."

I pulled back as Hinata stumbled backward and held her stomach, struggling to keep back tears. Eyes wide, I realized maybe I'd hit her harder than I meant to.

"Ow." She whispered. Then she started to cry.

"Hinata I'm sorry! I'm sorryI'msorryi'msorry!" I cried and ran forward to hug her. She backed away, shaking her head.

"Enough!" Hiashi-tou-san came forward and picked Hinata up, making her whimper. "You'll be _fine_. We'll have Baa-chan look at you." Baa-chan was good at medical jutsu.

I really, really hated this. I was competitive and I got caught up in the moment too often—forgetting that Hinata wasn't like me, she was just a little, little girl. She smiled and clapped whenever she won and she was absolutely devastated when she lost. To her these battles were so vivid and intense because they were her whole life.

Forget arguing—I would be happy if we weren't forced to _fight_ and _hurt _each other every day even if our skills and future lives depended on it. I was her enemy and I didn't want to be. She was still young enough that I would be pretty much forgiven by the end of the day, but what about in a year or so? She would hate me whenever I bested her. I started tearing up.

I glanced to where Hizashi-ji-san was hovering alone at the door, watching me. I tried to run past him. He crouched down quickly and stopped me.

"Hikaru-chan, you know she'll be ok." I nodded tearfully in response. He patted me on the head. "Don't cry then, ok? A ninja must be strong. You don't need to cry." I wiped my eyes on my arms and tried to suppress my sadness. It took a lot longer and a few more bursts of sobs than it would've in my last life, but I managed to crush the feeling—leaving me feeling empty and dull instead. It was a temporary fix and not a healthy one, but it was the reaction he wanted so I gave it to him. I faked a smile.

I didn't really resent him. It was just a head-start on shinobi conditioning, in a way. But that didn't mean I didn't know how damaging that sort of thing was. If you push your emotions around too much you begin to doubt your ability to feel them properly—push even farther and you lose them. But Hiashi and Hizashi really cared about us being strong, so I had to be careful of how much I cried.

"There, that's better. I'll take you to your room and you can take a nap, ok?" I nodded and he picked me up.

000

When I awoke Hinata was asleep on the bed beside mine and I was really hungry. I peeked my head out and saw Kō Hyuga in the hallway. Kō was nice and he looked out for us a lot. He had probably even been on his way to check on us. (Though I don't know why he didn't just use his Byakugan; I think he didn't want to use it frivolously.)

"Kō! What time is it?" I called softly as he approached, knowing he'd hear me no matter what and not wanting to disturb Hinata.

"It's lunch-time, Hikaru-chan. I was just coming to get you. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, I'll wake up Hinata-nee-chan." I pattered back inside and gently shook Hinata awake.

"Hinata, it's time for lunch."

"Oh." She sat up slowly, but when this didn't bring any pain she shot up and ran to the door. Well, it looked like she hadn't quite forgiven me yet, but at least she wasn't hurt anymore.

After lunch Kō took us on a rare trip to the village. The first time we'd come into town was actually that day four months ago when we started training. Today, Kō bought us dango and let Hinata look at ribbons in the market and then took us to the Yamanaka flower shop so that I could look at flowers. The first time we came I'd insisted we look at flowers, but the real reason I'd wanted to go was to somehow communicate to Inoichi that I really needed to talk with him. He hadn't been in. This was only our second trip, so maybe he'd be there this time.

I didn't know how I was going to be able to talk to him even if he was there. I just knew that I needed to. I'd already caused a death and I wanted to prevent more than one—starting with Hizashi-ji-san. I didn't know what would become of me after everyone found out who I really was, but if I could save his life I figured it would be worth it. The reason I thought it needed to be Inoichi and not someone else is because he could prove whatever I said right away by doing a mind-walk jutsu. I was running out of time. Our birthday was in two months and I knew the kidnapping had happened soon after that.

A bell jingled as we walked into the shop. (Well, Kō walked in with us in his arms. Then Hinata demanded to be let down. Kō kept me in his arm because I couldn't see a lot of the flowers otherwise.) Inoichi wasn't behind the counter again—instead there was the same brown-haired lady from before. Kō walked through the shop so I could see the flowers up high and then I asked to be let down too so I could see the ones kept in trays on the floor.

I was staring at some violets when a deep unfamiliar voice said, "You can touch them gently, if you want." I let out an "eep!" and whirled around and looked up. There he was, towering over me and looking down with amusement in his eyes. Kō watched us from the corner of his eye further down the row.

"Oh. H-Hai! Ummm… Who are you?" I blurted out. He told me his name.

"It's nice to meet you, Yamanaka-san. I'm Hikaru."

"It's nice to meet you too, Hikaru." He said. My eyes darted back and forth between his, then down to the right toward the floor and back up again as I tried to think of what to say, anything to get him interested in me without Kō becoming suspicious too. As the silence between us stretched to more than a few seconds I realized I needed to say something again.

"Ah. Your eyes are pretty." He laughed and I blushed. What could I do? It wasn't like I could talk to him in English or ask him to mind-walk me when Kō was right there. Kō would tell Dad and…and I was being a coward. I was so scared to tell Hiashi, but I knew I needed to. Instead I'd hoped to just let Inoichi know, because he could prove it after digging around in my head and then _he _could tell everybody and I wouldn't have to worry about how I was going to tell the man who raised me that I wasn't _just_ his daughter. Hiashi had his loving moments, but he was still strict; I was afraid of what his reaction would be. But now that it came to it I couldn't tell Inoichi, not because I didn't want to anymore but because there wasn't any way.

"Hikaru! Are you okay?" Kō asked, alarmed. He was suddenly crouching beside me. I was trembling with fear just thinking about it all. I _needed_ to do this: to speak out and to let people know what was going to happen, but I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me all of a sudden. Had this not all been real to me before this moment? Had I been too trapped in just existing day to day so that just seeing and talking to Inoichi, another "character," had brought this on? This was all too big and I didn't know how to make people listen and believe. My heart thudded and my whole body shook as I looked from Kō to Inoichi—both of whom looked at me in a mixture of confusion, alarm, and concern.

"I-I-I need to talk to Dad, a-and Inoichi, and the H-hokage. I n-need to—" Kō swept me up in his arms, before turning and giving an apologetic bow to the Yamanaka clan head.

"Forgive me, Inoichi-sama. Hikaru is not well. I must take her home immediately."

"N-no!" My shout was muffled by Kō's shirt as he held me close and swept a confused Hinata up as well. "Stop! S-stop!" Now Kō was running faster than the normal eye could see. What screams made it past his shirt were immediately swept away by the wind.

000

I was screaming and crying hysterically by the time we got home. I was straight out panicking and I couldn't get myself to stop.

"Hiashi-sama!" Kō burst into Dad's study, unable to knock with his hands full (though doubtless Dad had heard us coming). He stood before the desk as Dad quickly arose. "Hikaru started panicking when we were in the village! Something is wrong." Hiashi Hyuga took his screaming, wailing, almost three-year old daughter from Kō's arm, and then he slapped her.

I quieted immediately, shocked (not _surprised_, but shocked into silence all the same), with eyes wide and cheek stinging. More sobs threatened as my chest heaved and my breath hitched, but I did not scream anymore. Could I? Could I tell this man? _I have to, I have to, I have to._

"Hikaru." Hiashi's voice was dangerously low. Kō looked on, shifting Hinata into a more comfortable position with only the slightest furrow on his forehead indicating concern.

"I-I'm sorry." I focused on my breathing. If I didn't I was just going to cry again.

"What happened?" He asked Kō.

"We were in the Yamanaka flower shop. After Inoichi came up to her and introduced himself she started shaking. There was no reason as far as I could see. She said she needed to talk to you, Inoichi, and the Hokage. I decided I should bring her back here immediately and made my apologies to Inoichi-sama." He said.

"I have something, something really important to tell you." I couldn't look him in the eyes. "I was scared. But I need to tell you." I glanced at him, but quickly looked away when I saw he was scowling.

"As far as you can tell," he was still talking to Kō "Inoichi didn't do anything to my daughter."

"No, Hiashi-sama. I was watching the whole time. He was just as surprised as I was." He said.

Hiashi's scowl deepened. He activated his Byakugan. His eyes didn't turn in my direction, but this close I could see them moving back and forth incrementally. I guessed he was examining me.

"Tou-san, what's wrong?" Hinata startled us all a little with her question.

"Nothing's wrong." He said, deactivating his Byakugan. "Kō, take them to their room." Before handing me over he said, "Hikaru, you know better than to act like that, especially in public. I don't want any more outbursts."

"But—"

"No buts!" Hiashi brought a hand up and rubbed at his temple. I wilted in Kō's grasp, taking in his tired expression. He wasn't going to listen. He thought I'd just thrown some weird temper tantrum and didn't want to deal with it.

Kō bowed as best as he could with two children in his arms and left the room. He had a worried scowl on his face as he took us to our room. He set us down and Hinata, still confused, wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

"I love you." She said. I smiled and said "Love you too" back. Kō started to leave.

"Kō!" He turned back. "Can I talk with you?" His face softened in concern.

"Of course, Hikaru-chan." He sat beside me. I tried moving to sit beside him, but Hinata had me in a death grip.

"Um. Hinata?"

"No!"

"Um." I tried hugging Hinata back, hoping when I let go she would too. It didn't work. I turned my head toward Kō, who was now looking amused. "Kō?"

"Hinata-sama, let go of your sister."

"No!" She hugged me tighter. I would have face-palmed, had I been able to move my arms at that point.

"Hinata, I can't breathe!" It was almost true. "I can't breathe!" She let me go. I heaved in a huge breath of air. "Thank you!" Hinata giggled and then ran over to the corner we kept our toys in. I walked over and plopped down beside Kō, drawing my legs up and hugging my knees.

"Kō? Can I tell you a secret?" I wasn't sure about this at all, but nobody else would listen to me. Kō always listened. He looked surprised at my request, but he nodded. "You have to promise not to tell anyone else, though."

"Is this what you wanted to talk to Hiashi-sama about earlier?"

"Yeah, but now I don't think he'd believe me. I don't know if I want to tell him."

"It's ok, Hikaru-chan. I won't tell anyone." I doubted he was telling the truth, but I still wanted to talk to him. I blew out a big breath. I didn't have any idea of where to begin.

"It's about why I started crying at the Yamanaka's flower shop. But, there's a lot to explain. Um, this is a weird question, but have you ever noticed anything…weird about me?"

Kō blinked, "Of course not, Hikaru." I scowled a little. That was a typical response to a little girl, but I wanted a sincere answer.

"No, I mean _really_. I want to know, have you noticed anything." Kō ran a hand through his dark, spiky hair, considering.

"I'm not sure I should be the one telling you this… I think you already know that you're very smart and serious for your age. Even with today, you have much better control over your own emotions than Hinata-chan. And then…" He hesitated.

"Then what?"

"Nothing."

"What?" I persisted.

"Look, Hiashi-sama will tell you when you're a little older. It has to do with your training." My brow furrowed in confusion. _My training? It isn't like I'm unusually good or anything. _

"Why do you ask?" Kō inquired.

"Well, um." I couldn't think of any smooth way to frame it. "I might be really serious because I'm not actually as young as I look, sort of."

"What?" Kō half laughed, caught off-guard. I put my forehead on my knees.

"I think I was reincarnated, but I remember my past life." I mumbled. "I remember having a family, and studying in school, and I remember dying. I didn't even speak this language there. I spoke a different one, and I knew part of another one." I turned my head to look up at Kō, whose eyes were now wide.

"Well…that would explain…" He started haltingly.

"Explain what?"

He ran a hand through his hair again. "May as well," he muttered, before raising his voice to a normal speaking level again "it's what I mentioned earlier. Ever since you were born you've had a large amount of yin chakra. We're afraid it may interfere with your training. No one knew what the cause was, but if you've already had a lifetime of experience, it would make sense."

"Oh. Well, yeah." I said lamely. I hadn't known that. Actually, I hadn't been able to manipulate my own chakra at all yet. I was really disappointed, because being sensitive to my own chakra and being a chakra sensor would be really, really useful. Byakugan did kind of the same thing, but you couldn't have it on 24/7 and people would have me pegged as a Byakugan user the moment they saw my eyes.

"Why did you want to tell the Hokage this?" Kō was looking at me thoughtfully and intently. Now was my turn to straighten up and run a hand through my hair.

"Uh. I'll tell you that, but I'm going to explain some other stuff first and then tell you, ok? But it all has to do with the answer. So, in my world, there were _a lot_ of stories. There were thousands of writers making up stories. And some people thought that there might be different worlds. And some people thought that with so many different worlds there was a chance that anything that we could think of was probably actually happening somewhere. And people _also_ thought that if in one world the hero won, that in another world the same story happened but the hero lost. So, they thought there were endless possibilities of what a world could be like. So, in that world, I read about this world. It was all a story in a book. But, in that version I didn't exist. There wasn't any Hikaru Hyūga."

"So then…" He trailed off, still a little uncertain of where the Hokage came into this.

"So then, besides the fact that I'm here and that changes things. I know what's going to happen!"

His expression cleared. "We need to tell your father."

"Wait! Except, there are some other things besides me being here that are different too, because I'm here. And, I don't know how many other things are different. There could be millions of differences. What I know could be useless. Also," I tacked on as an afterthought "that's why I started crying when I met Inoichi Yamanaka. Because he was another "character" in the story. I guess before then it almost wasn't real, but then I met him and everything was too…big."

"What else is different?"

"Hinata wasn't a twin, so Mom lived instead of dying when we were born. Hinata had a little sister instead. I don't remember what her name was." I shivered. "So, I…don't want to tell Dad. I'm scared."

Kō patted my head and I found the gesture comforting. "It's okay. I'll tell him." He stood up. I stood up and hugged his leg. "Thank you." I said, letting go.

Kō paused at the door. "So, how old are you?"

I grinned. "Older than twenty but younger than thirty, and don't ask a girl her age." He smiled back and left. I sat down with a huge sigh of relief and started to tremble with pent-up nervousness. It was all over now, I did it!

000

The next week found Hiashi Hyūga, Inoichi Yamanaka, and Hiruzen Sarutobi sitting in the Hokage's office in a heated discussion. Hiashi had explained the situation, showing the other two men the languages his daughter had written out for him and what she had told him, first through Kō and then in her own words.

"Misplaced foresight could be even more dangerous than no foresight at all." Inoichi said, for the second time. "We can't take her word for it when she isn't sure herself. She said things have changed already."

Hiashi narrowed his eyes at the slight to his daughter. "Even so, the information she has could be invaluable. She hasn't told me much, but if I ask her to I'm certain she could tell us more."

"Inoichi is right." Sarutobi took his pipe out of his mouth, "but perhaps she could be some help. From what you've told us, she has a good understanding already of the clans in the village, how shinobi work, and even how missions are ranked. Generally things are the same. So, perhaps we can test one event. Have her tell you the soonest thing she knows will happen. If it happens as she says it will, then that increases the chances of her being right on other things. If not, then the chance decreases." He let the others consider that a moment before continuing,

"However, even if she is right, we mustn't rely on her like a crutch. If we do, then that could prove fatal if she's ever wrong. Even if she is perfectly right, the more time goes on and the more changes there are, the less valuable her information will become. In the end," he fixed Hiashi with a hard stare, "Hiashi, you are raising a young woman who has been torn from her own world and may be constantly comparing this reality with a story in her head. I'd like Inoichi to meet with her, to determine her loyalty to this village and for counseling purposes. She may've told you all this because you are family, but in this story of hers we might not be the heroes. It won't be in the village's interest for her to become a kunoichi unless that gets smoothed out—" he met Hiashi's scowl calmly "—if that's the case." He said, finishing mildly.

Hiashi nodded, losing his scowl. "Hai. Hokage-sama." He said, if a little stiffly. Hiruzen looked at Inoichi, who also nodded and responded affirmatively. "Well then, you two should arrange some time to meet. Now, I have other business to attend to."

000

**AN**: I changed the rating to T because it will eventually get there anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I've been rereading and rewriting this so many times I don't know if it's good or not anymore.

**10-4 Update**: So, I edited Chapter 2 a little, (really just got rid of a couple sentences near the beginning) but accidentally replaced Chapter 3 with the revised version. I didn't notice this until an hour later. If you read Chapter 3 during that time and were confused as to why I'd posted almost the same chapter twice, that's why.

I was both nervous and gratified to learn that I'd be meeting Inoichi Yamanaka two weeks before Hinata and I were to turn three. Hiashi took me himself. We didn't speak on the way there, but it wasn't as though we could speak very openly in public anyway. Hiashi (it was sometimes harder to call him Dad in my head now that he knew) hadn't asked me hardly anything about who I used to be…mostly focusing on what I knew of this world. He knew I'd been a civilian, was educated, and spoke a different language, but that was basically it. I couldn't tell if he was simply disinterested or if there was something else going on. I think he understood a bit better now why I still cried some nights.

I was surprised when we went to a large house. I thought we were going to the flower shop, but then I mentally smacked myself on the forehead. _Of course he wouldn't talk to me about sensitive stuff there._ Actually, come to think of it, why were we here? Hiashi believed me enough to ask me about what I already knew of the village and the next thing I knew was going to happen in the future and I'd told him. Did he want to double-check? Weren't the Hyuga also good at reading people? Or was that just Neji? Maybe this was just to make it go faster. Inoichi could just mind-walk me and have done with it.

Inoichi greeted us at the door and ushered us in. The two adults (or, the ones in adult-sized bodies) in the room had a brief discussion as to whether or not Hiashi would sit in the room with me as Inoichi talked with me. Hiashi wanted to stay. Inoichi said that might not be a good idea, he needed me to be able to answer impartially without my father being there. I didn't see what the issue was if Inoichi was just going to look through my head…unless that _wasn't _what we were here for.

I was starting to feel a lot less gratification and a lot more nervousness. _Especially_ when Hiashi agreed to sit outside the room we'd be talking in. Hiashi seemed a bit uncomfortable around me these days, but he still represented strength and security and safety. When I thought of him in those terms it was easy to think of him as Dad. It was involuntary and instinctual. Meanwhile, here I was being led into a room by a man who, as much as my brain tried to remind me that he was a good guy, was a stranger, could kill me in an instant, and was a lot bigger than me. He was also a super-psychologist who could probably tell things about me just because of the way I _breathed_. (Ok, so maybe not….maybe.) I felt uncomfortable and vulnerable around someone who could see straight through me.

I was comforted a little by the fact that the room hadn't been what I was expecting—some austere place with a chair for him and a recliner-thingy for me. Instead it looked like a normal living room; there was a couch and a couple other chairs, a low table with an abandoned game of Go on it near a wall, and I even spotted a toy peeking out from underneath the couch—Ino's?

Inoichi was perhaps watching to see where I was looking, because as soon as I saw the toy he walked over and picked it up, sighing. "I told her not to come in here." He murmured, before tucking it away in a pocket. Then he turned to me,

"Have a seat." I climbed up onto the couch, blushing a little and wishing I was older already. Inoichi pulled up a chair and sat across from me. "Now, you don't need to worry about what you say in here. The walls are sound-proofed." I glanced at the door. That meant Hiashi couldn't hear me if I screamed. _Shut up. You won't be screaming._ I looked at Inoichi and took a deep breath.

"Yes?" I asked, "Are you going to go into my mind?"

"No. I won't. I'm going to be asking you questions." He said.

"Why not? Wouldn't it be faster?" I asked, surprised.

"It…wouldn't work like that. I can only see what people have experienced with their brains. For most people that only includes the brain currently inside their head. You didn't keep the brain you had in your last life, so I wouldn't be able to see any of that." He said.

"Oh." I was disappointed. I guess coming to him first wouldn't have made any difference than going to someone else after all.

"Now then, first, is there anything you want to talk about?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows, "Is that why I'm here?"

"Yes. You are in an interesting position, to say the least, due to both your foreknowledge and your actual and apparent age. The Yamanaka clan helps shinobi and citizens in order to help them be mentally and emotionally functional. Your father is concerned about you. I'm here to listen and help you adjust to your situation in any way I can."

I considered that for a minute, growing considerably less nervous as I thought. I would rather that Dad would just talk to me himself, instead of handing me off to Inoichi. It would show that he took a personal interest in my life. On the other hand, perhaps his thinking was that Inoichi was more qualified to converse with me about it all? But, that didn't explain why he asked me so little about my previous life. Inoichi said that Hiashi was concerned about me, in what way—exactly?

"Is…Father uncomfortable talking to me himself? I understand that it is a good idea for me to talk with you…but he didn't even tell me why we were coming here." I asked.

Inoichi frowned a little. "I haven't spoken to him about that."

"Well, maybe. I mean, it must be weird for him. I just want to talk to him, share memories, but we aren't close enough. I feel like we _should_ be, because he's my dad; but we haven't really 'known' each other that long. I keep wanting to talk to him like I'd talk to my other Dad, only to realize that this isn't someone I've known for years and years and we aren't comfortable around each other. I can't even imagine what he must be thinking, now that he knows I'm really a lot older than I am." I trailed off.

"What memories do you want to share?" He asked. Images and thoughts flooded my mind. There was so much I wanted to talk about and convey—funny moments, happy ones, painful ones…I shuddered. Yeah, _that_ one I should probably talk about at some point. Right now, I put it from my mind, pulling up a happy memory. Then I blinked and cleared my head.

"Positive ones, mostly. I just want to talk with him naturally, you know. About anything in my past life he's interested in or fears or worries or the things I find funny." I said.

"What are you worried about now?" He asked.

I told him. He asked more questions and I answered those too. Unsurprisingly, he was a very good listener. At one point I did ask him if he could keep our conversation mostly private—I wasn't certain about doctor-patient confidentiality here and thought it was likely he'd be talking to my Dad about me. I did want Dad to know stuff, but I wanted him to ask _me _about it instead of asking Inoichi about it. He assured me he would and all I could do was take his word for it. After an hour Inoichi said that was enough for today and we'd meet again later. We left the room and I was unsurprised when he asked Dad to go in.

"I'll see where Ino's got to and leave Hikaru with her. We need to talk a moment." Inoichi said. Dad nodded and went into the room. I perked up. I was going to meet Ino!

Ino was in the kitchen with Mrs. Yamanaka. She was sitting on the table, ignoring the pieces of paper scattered off to one side and coloring the wood itself. Mrs. Yamanaka, who was making lunch, turned as we entered the room and noticed what Ino was doing.

"Ino! What have I told you?" Ino froze.

"Be good and color?" She tried innocently.

"Color the _paper_." Her mom corrected; her lips twitched with a suppressed smile.

Inoichi picked me up and deposited me beside his daughter, ignoring my squeak of surprise. "Here, Ino-chan. This is Hikaru. Why don't you show her how well you can draw?"

"Ok!" Ino beamed at her dad. Inside I went _awwwww_. Outside I went "Can I draw too?" Inoichi smiled a little at that. I smiled back.

"Of course. Ino, be nice and share."

"Ok!"

000

Inoichi shut the door to the sound-proof room behind him and quirked an eyebrow. Hiashi was standing waiting for him.

"You may sit down." He said, a little amused.

"Well?" Hiashi asked, after they both sat.

"She's worried about being a ninja, of course. She doesn't know how she'll handle killing someone." Inoichi said. There was a lot he didn't tell him, such as about the cultural and religious pressure contributing to that worry which Hikaru felt from her last life. He was going to keep their conversation as confidential as possible while still telling the Hyuga clan head what he needed to know about his daughter.

Hiashi nodded; that was only to be expected. It was normal for almost anyone. "And?"

Inoichi leaned forward, bracing his arms on his legs and steepling his fingers slightly downward. "She didn't say this in so many words, but she wants you to be her father, essentially. From our conversation, though, she also knows that isn't really possible. She's aware of the complications and knows that there's a difference between what she wants _from _your relationship and what she can do _for_ your relationship. She knows she can't force it to be something it isn't. She did say she wants to talk to you naturally."

Hiashi let out a tired sigh and Inoichi could hear the grief in it. _She's lonely._ He thought. _But so are you. Have you talked to anyone about your wife, Hiashi?_ Will _you about your daughter?_ He kept silent as he waited for a reply.

"What did she say about the village?" Hiashi asked. Inoichi didn't change his breathing, but mentally he let out a sigh of his own. _Not today, then._

"When she talked about being a shinobi she referred to Konoha as 'the best ninja village there is.' She was being perfectly sincere. I don't think there's anything to worry about in that regard." He answered.

Hiashi nodded again. "All right. Thank you, Inoichi." He stood up.

"I want to talk with her again. She hasn't told you how she died, am I right?" Inoichi asked.

A brief expression of annoyance crossed Hiashi's face. "I haven't asked her, no."

"Seeing as she was in her early twenties, it's doubtful it was of natural causes. That's something else we need to talk about to make sure it won't cause her to freeze up and get her killed a second time." He said.

"I'll bring her again when I find the time. I'll let you know when that is." Hiashi said.

Inoichi nodded. "Thank you." He stood up. "Would you care to stay for lunch?"

000

On our third birthday Hinata and I both wore beautiful kimonos. Mami Hyuga, a member of the branch family who dressed us, had to keep telling me to leave my kimono alone because I couldn't stop touching the silky fabric. I had never worn anything so beautiful in either of my lives before.

We went out into the courtyard where the whole family was. It was a bit strange seeing everyone together in a big group. Hinata and my main interactions with people were usually limited to our Father, Hizashi-ji-san, Kō, and Mami. We saw others in the halls or around the compound, but didn't interact with them much. I was very interested in how many little kids and teenagers were standing by their parents. Seeing everyone together for the first time made me realize how many relatives I had—a lot.

Hinata turned shy in the face of so many people staring and hung onto Dad's kimono. I stood on his other side. Hizashi-ji-san stood before us with Neji, looking tense. I didn't know if I could solve the strained relationship between the two brothers, but I figured saving Hizashi-ji-san's life would be step one. Neji looked adorable as he waved at Hinata, causing her to duck even further behind Hiashi. Then he turned and waved at me; I smiled and waved back. He turned and whispered something to his father, who responded in a low terse voice.

"I'll be taking Neji under my care, Hizashi," Dad said. It was essentially a more polite way of saying "I'll be giving Neji a curse mark today." I frowned, just a little. I didn't see why someone hadn't just changed the seal a long time ago—maybe keeping the eye-sealing part but losing the torture part. Either there were clan politics going on that I wasn't privy to, or possibly changing the seal was impossible. I had tried asking Dad what was going to happen to _me_ today, but he'd been evasive.

"Hai." My uncle replied, keeping his face carefully neutral.

Then Dad brought Hinata in front of him. He spoke, "On this day my firstborn daughter Hinata turns three years old. May she serve the Hyuga clan well as heir and, one day, as leader. May she become a strong kunoichi of the clan." He ended.

Abruptly everyone bowed towards the three of us. I didn't know whether or not I should be bowing too, but I quickly bobbed up and down in Hinata's direction. _I _knew she was going to become an _awesome_ kunoichi, and I was fully willing to support Dad's words.

_I give my allegiance_. For what it was worth.

And that was that. We had a nice big lunch with everyone afterwards and everyone went back to their respective business. Mami took us back to our room and dressed us in the black pants and shirts we usually wore and then sat us down to read us a book. It would've been boring but for the fact that I was still learning Japanese and trying to match the words to the symbols on the page was both hard and fascinating. We'd been read this book before, so I was starting to get familiar with some of the characters.

After Mami tucked us into bed for our afternoon nap I waited for Hinata to fall asleep and wiggled out again. I took the book from the shelf, trying to remember the exact wording she had used in telling the story. I traced the words with my fingers, trying to guess the stroke order. It was really frustrating that I'd learned Korean in my last life instead of Japanese; sometimes when people asked me questions here I wanted to answer in Korean only to have to catch myself. It wasn't that the languages were similar; it was just habit. The Korean alphabet had been easier to learn than the Japanese one; that was for sure.

You'd think having already learned stuff in my last life would be an advantage—but I was having to learn it all over again. I still remembered when Mami had started teaching us to count. She had taken a line of cups and pointed to each of them successively, saying a different word each time. It actually took me until the second time she did it to figure out what she was doing. My first thought had been "Pssh. Counting is easy. I can already do that." Only to remember half a second later "But I can't _in Japanese_." _That _realization had been both humbling and frustrating. It meant I'd actually have to pay attention in school the second time around, in order to just learn the language. (Plus, who am I kidding, beyond addition, subtraction, division and multiplication my math skills could use a refresher.) I was still tracing words when Dad appeared in the doorway of Hinata and my room.

"Yes?" I whispered.

"Come with me." He said softly.

My heart sank a little. I was going to receive the Cursed Seal. I didn't want to; I didn't want a line of separation so clearly drawn between me and my sister this early. I followed Hiashi and felt like I was going to my death.

But instead of going to some room with Neji awaiting, we went to Dad's office. He sat me in a chair and pulled up his own.

"Hikaru, we've already come up against a problem in your information." He began bluntly, "We finalized no treaty today and, as far as I know, there are no signs we will be changing our relations with any of the villages hostile to us right now."

Hearing that was both a worry and a relief. There was a possibility this universe was so different Hinata would never be kidnapped. On the other hand, this meant that literally _anything_ was possible in the future—and I had no way to prepare for it. _Welcome to normalcy._ I thought sarcastically.

I sighed. "Well, then I guess I won't be of any use in telling you the future. I'm sorry."

Dad studied me with a troubled expression. I shifted uncomfortably. I wanted to fill up the silence by saying something more, but I waited for him to speak.

"You should put your past behind you." He said finally, "It won't be useful here."

I gaped at him, too stunned to reply immediately. _It won't be useful here. _That made me _angry_. _Won't be _useful _here? Do you know what I've _lost? _It's not about usefulness…that was my _life! _How…how dare you!?_

"Do you know what you're asking?" I asked, trying to moderate my voice. "I can't just _forget!_"

"I'm not asking you to forget." He said sharply, picking up on my mood. "I'm telling you to move on."

I stayed silent, simmering with contained rage. Clearly he didn't get it. It wasn't like I could just let go of my former life. _I am the sum of all my yesterdays. I can't just get rid of such a big part of my identity._

A scowl formed on Hiashi's face and suddenly the air in the room changed as my anger was replaced by fear. My heart beat faster. _Is this Killing Intent?_ It wasn't very intense; but it was palpable.

"That wasn't a request." Hiashi said shortly. "I'm ordering you to move on. You are my…daughter and a member of the Hyuga clan. You have a duty to it and you will fulfill that duty. Your former life should have no bearing on this one. You will not tell anyone else of your circumstance, not even Hinata. "

I pursed my lips before continuing, trying to react reasonably. It was an effort to speak through the fear, but I felt this _needed_ to be said. "Listen. If you're telling me not to live in the past, I understand that. I heard a saying once, 'the past should be learned from, not lived in,' _but _I can't just _erase_ it. I can't factor it out of my personality or reactions or preferences and to even _try_ would be mentally unhealthy. If I'm—"

"_Try_." Hiashi spat out. "self-sacrifice is part of being a ninja and a member of this clan. I won't listen to any excuses." I could sense his anger level rising.

I closed my eyes a brief moment and reopened them, seeing that I wasn't going to get anywhere. I remembered that I was speaking to _Hiashi Hyuga_, the head of the Hyuga clan. And he was only my 'father' in the biological meaning of the word.

"I understand. I'm sorry, Hiashi-sama."

Later that night I realized I had completely forgotten to ask him about the Cursed Seal, not that I could've very well done so in the middle of _that_ conversation. Then I realized it hardly mattered; I was trapped anyway.

000

A few days later I sidled up to Hizashi-ji-san. Despite the fact that I was trapped with or without the Cursed Seal, I was still somewhat curious as to why I hadn't received one. I wasn't about to ask Hiashi, but I figured maybe Hizashi would give me answers.

"Ji-san?" I asked. When I found him, he was sitting on the porch watching Neji train in the courtyard. I hoped he wouldn't just tell me to go away. I didn't know if he _knew_ about me, but I doubted it.

He turned his head, sparing me a glance. "Ah. Hikaru-chan. What is it?"

I went over and sat down beside him. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"You and tou-san are twins, right? I asked the obvious question.

"Yes." He quirked a smile.

"And you were the younger twin, right?"

"Yes." He was still smiling, perhaps a little stiffly, not quite guessing where this was going yet.

"And I'm the younger twin and Hinata's the heir. So how come I don't have…" I reached up and touched my forehead "like you and Neji-ni-san. Because you need to even though Tou-san is your twin."

Hizashi processed this before answering. "The reason is that you won't become part of the branch house until you and Hinata-chan become genin."

I raised my eyebrows a little. "Really? Why?"

"It's…just in case. It doesn't matter. It's tradition." He said. I read between the lines. _Just in case Hinata dies or becomes unfit to lead before then. But that makes no sense! As genin her life will only get more dangerous, not less. But, it's 'tradition.'_ I ended that last thought sourly.

"Oh. I don't want to wear my hitai-ite on my forehead though." I said, trying to sound childish and funny.

Hizashi, however, wasn't amused. "Yes, well. I think that will be the least of your worries."

-0-

It was a two days later that Hiashi sent his twin brother writhing in pain to the floor. Perhaps the kidnapping would never happen, but this was still not fixed. I didn't know how it could be.

-0-

The week after our third birthday we started learning how to mold chakra. Hinata had started without a hitch and had spent the morning doing the leaf exercise on her forehead. I, on the other hand, still hadn't managed to even feel my chakra and it was almost noon. Hiashi had long since left, throwing me an irritated glance as he did as though I was purposefully not getting the hang of it. I was glad he went. Now it was just Kō supervising.

"This isn't working." I snapped, frustrated. I thought this would be easy; that it would come instinctively and that I'd be able to feel it like I was using the force or something. Instead there was nothing.

"Try to reach inside yourself again." Kō said patiently. "People don't always get it the first day. You need to find a way that works for you."

I tried but there still wasn't anything. Perhaps I was going about this the wrong way. I had a sudden thought. Maybe I was trying _too _hard? This was supposed to come naturally, right?

I opened my eyes and sighed loudly. This whole thing was too troublesome for words. "Can you just look at me with Byakugan as I try? Maybe you'll be able to see something."

"Good idea." He said, bringing his hands up "Byakugan." The veins on the sides of his head bulged.

I closed my eyes again, clapped my hands together and lacing my fingers as though in prayer, and just let my mind wander a little. Trying to feel for something without giving it too much attention. At Kō's continued silence I focused more. I tried focusing on my hands, in my stomach, in my head, on my feet, but no matter where I searched I couldn't find it. I didn't have any idea what I was doing, dang it!

"Hikaru, you aren't manipulating your own chakra at all. Maybe we should call it a day."

"Wait a second." I said stubbornly. Then, suddenly, just like that, I latched onto _something _that was inside my stomach area. Excited, I began to try and move it around and felt it respond. Eyes still closed, I moved it up, splitting it in two and moving it through my arms to gather at my hands. I heard Kō suck in a breath and opened my eyes to see my hands surrounded by a pale green aura. I grinned. This was _awesome_. After a moment I let it fade away, letting my arms fall to my sides. Then I reached for it again, just to reassure myself it was still there. Yep. It was really subtle, but I could feel it.

"That was great Hikaru!" Ko said, smiling. "To be able to move chakra so well at such a young age is an incredible accomplishment!"

"I know what I was doing wrong." I said, "I was looking for this big feeling, like a well of power or a fireball inside me…but it isn't like that it all. It's like a muscle that I just needed to find and figure out how to use." I looked to the side and hesitated before continuing "I…used to know someone who could wiggle one ear but not the other. She said she could feel a muscle on one side of her jaw that she could use to wiggle the ear on that side, but for the other one it was like it wasn't there. I didn't realize I just needed to discover the right "muscle," the right sense, in order to manipulate it. Then I just found it."

Kō looked uncomfortable. "That's good, but, you know, Hiashi-sama told me about ordering you to put all that behind you. He told me to make certain you do."

I looked down at the ground, sighing and feeling my eyes prickle. I blinked to hold back tears. "Kō, I don't know if I _can_ put it behind me, not completely." _I don't want to _"But, if it makes things easier for you, I'll try not to talk about it anymore."

"That might be for the best." Kō said, his eyes a little sad.

I stood there thinking. I was being forced to hide who I was, but that didn't mean I couldn't make a difference. That didn't mean that I couldn't, somehow, show who I was. I twirled the chakra inside me a little more, gathering it at my right hand only this time. As the light grew I held my hand out to Kō, palm facing him with my fingers splayed.

"I can be a light in this house, no matter what." I said, managing a little smile. He didn't get the reference, and just smiled back in response.

**AN:** So, I'd like to clear something up. In the first chapter Hikaru says that she learned later that she and Hinata were born two months early. _At this point she still doesn't know that._ She only knows the part about her mom dying in childbirth. So there's one big problem with the whole "the treaty will happen on our birthday" thing she told them: according to Narutopedia (where I get a lot of my information) in the original timeline their birthday was in December and here it's in October. By telling them it happened on their birthday Hikaru gave them the completely wrong month.

Also, please note that Hikaru doesn't always have all of the facts or think things through completely. At the beginning of the chapter she thinks Hiashi doesn't want to talk to her just because he's uncomfortable. She doesn't even consider the fact that maybe he doesn't want to talk about her past _because it might be overheard_. I think it's natural that the Yamanakas would have a sound-proof private room (maybe made that way through special sealing). I don't think the Hyugas would necessarily have a room like that. Of course, he is _also_ uncomfortable with it all, and by the end of the chapter he is starting to let his feelings show through more.

The last line of dialogue is a reference to Matthew 5:15 "Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house." Hikaru is feeling, rightly, that she's being pressured into hiding who she is. Still, she has optimism that she can bring light to her situation and her surroundings anyway. Not to mention the fact that chakra is literally a source of light.

**Review Responses: **

**Tobee: **Thanks for the reviews! Her relationship with Hiashi is probably going to get worse before it gets better. I've 85% decided on the seal/heir situation. There's a choice I'm really leaning towards, but then new considerations pop up. So, we'll see!

**Becc**: Thank you so much! I really want this fic to be one where the characters react realistically to the situation they're in. I also want to portray my OC realistically without it getting too angsty (because really, if I got ripped into a different world I'd probably spend a lot of the beginning freaking out/crying/being depressed, but that wouldn't be fun to read. So, I'm trying to be realistic but balanced.)

**runeofluna**: Thank you for the review! I have already read those two fanfics and I loved them! The fact that she knows canon is going to present challenges of its own, especially because she hasn't been born into a world exactly like the original. (With the twins being born two months early, as one example.) I'm not planning on her information being a huge thing that solves everything, but it won't be completely useless either. But more on that later!

And thank you to **alicatsgotstyle**, **screamxqueen**, **Enbi**, and **NightlyRowenTree** for your reviews!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I keep on forgetting to put this: I'll only say it once; I don't own Naruto.

**AN:** Also, sorry this chapter took _so long _to finish! I got a job and had school to deal with (midterms and finals in particular were a nightmare!) but I finally have a break now with no classes so I can focus on writing more. :)

000

The next two months passed without anything worth mentioning other than training happening. Hinata practiced the leaf-sticking exercise in the morning, only being about to do it for about an hour before getting tired out. On the other hand, I could do it all day without stopping. It didn't exactly surprise anyone; everyone could _see_ how much chakra I had, but Kō and even Grandma and Grandpa told me how impressed they were. I was glad, because I'd been afraid that when it came down to it I'd turn into another Sakura. (After all, even being good by normal standards wouldn't compete with a curse seal and a jinchūriki) Instead it looked like I already had a ton of chakra thanks to my last life. I still didn't know exactly how much, because we hadn't been taught how to activate our Byakugan yet, but needless to say it was a lot.

I quickly moved from just doing the exercise on my forehead to the palms of my hands and then the tips of my fingers, and then even on the soles of my feet. Hinata was a fast learner, so it only took her a little longer to learn each of those things, but she still could only do it for a fraction of the time.

"Nee-chan, how come you can do it so long? I get tired so fast." Hinata looked at me imploringly one morning. My heart melted when I looked at her. She was _so _cute with her puppy-dog eyes. I wished I could answer her fully, but I sort of doubted Hinata was old enough to grasp the concept of reincarnation and spiritual energy.

"Tou-san says I have a lot of chakra for our age." I said.

"Why?" She asked.

"I don't know." I lied.

"Oh. I wish I had lots of chakra." She said.

I didn't know how to respond to that. Saying "You will" seemed trite; she wanted to be my equal right now. Instead I hugged her.

"I love you, Hinata."

"Love you too."

000

I silently counted down the days to Christmas, thinking about stockings and my Dad's fudge and my family. Christmas Eve came and then Christmas morning. I whispered "Merry Christmas" to myself, the words feeling strange to a mouth now used to speaking Japanese.

Two days later, it happened.

We were woken up by Mami and dressed in the same fancy kimonos we wore on our birthday.

"Mami, what's going on?" I asked, wincing as she briskly tugged at my hair.

"There's a parade today! The whole village is going."

"What for?" Hinata asked.

"Oh, it's to celebrate a new friendship with another village." Mami said, smiling. My eyes widened. _No, no nono that's _today? I thought. _But it wasn't going to happen! It's way past our birthday!_

"Really?" I asked, trying to sound excited and ending up croaking instead. "What village?"

"Kumogakure. The Village Hidden in the Clouds." She replied.

I didn't remember that one at all. That didn't mean much though, just because I didn't remember it didn't mean it wasn't the one who attempted the kidnapping. _Right, well, you were two months off for some reason. But Hiashi was still warned. And it's not going to happen _now, _it will be at night. And Dad will keep a special eye out. I'm sure._ _Why didn't he tell me about this?_

Mami grabbed our hands and all but yanked us out of the room. "We'll watch the parade together." She said, "Then, since you two are the daughters of a Clan head, you'll be eating lunch in a special place with Hiashi-sama and other clan leaders."

"Where is otou-san?" I asked, "why aren't we going to the parade with him?"

"Your father is busy. He'll be in meetings for a while and will come to the parade later."

It was mid-morning, and there were already a lot of people on the streets. Vendors lined the streets hawking their wares. Friends were grouped together, chatting and laughing as they ate grilled chicken on sticks. Couples were linked arm in arm, keeping an eye on the children who were running underfoot. Some of the children were wearing masks, while others waved around sparklers. Mami kept a tight hold on our hands as she eyed the other children, wearing a disapproving frown on her face. Hinata and I both watched longingly, but neither of us asked if we could join. I-because I was certain the answer would be no; Hinata-because she was naturally shy.

Mami gripped our hands even tighter as the press of people grew thicker. Whenever people saw us they tried to make way, but it wasn't always possible. We continued to weave our way through the crowd and reached an intersection: a small open plaza. Before, everyone had been headed in one direction; now, the crowd was a mess as people coming in from different streets converged and tried to push through towards the fastest route to Konoha's main street. Mami pursed her lips and hoisted Hinata up onto her hip in order to move through the crowd a little easier. Someone ran straight into Mami and her sweaty hand slipped out of mine. I wanted to stay still but was immediately forced to dodge this way and that way to avoid being run into by those who failed to notice or care about the three-year old child underfoot.

"Mami!" I yelled, but it was lost in the din of people talking and laughing and children shouting and crying. "Mami!" _I have to find her._ Suddenly I was swooped up by an unfamiliar man and the world lurched. We were in an alleyway. I started to scream but he clapped his hand over my mouth.

"Don't worry, we'll find your friend." He said warmly. "Would you like some ice-cream while we search?" I continued screaming, only stopping to breathe, un-fooled and undeterred. My voice was still muffled by his hand. _This should not be happening this way. _I thought frantically. _What do I do? I can't do anything with my chakra yet! _

A second man suddenly appeared, the same one who'd bumped into Mami. He was holding Hinata. I stopped screaming and blanched.

"Hikaru!" Hinata smiled and reached for me.

"There now." The first man grinned at me. "We already found your sister." He cautiously took his hand away.

"Did you kill her?" I asked, voice a little rough. I felt a horrible pit in my stomach. They both looked taken aback.

"What are you talking about?" The first man asked.

"Did you kill Mami?" I repeated.

The second man looked at the first. "She's quick on the uptake for a kid. Let's disguise them with a genjutsu and put them to sleep already."

The world went black before I could start screaming again.

000

The first thing I realized when I awoke was that I was still alive, it was evening, and there was a member of the Uchiha police crouched over me. The second thing I realized was that I only had one eye. The place where my left eye used to be was a mass of pain. My head jerked reflexively and I screamed once as I tried to get away from it, but the pain moved with me. I registered sounds of fighting happening nearby—and lightning flashed overhead at an unnatural angle—even as the man brought glowing green hands over my face.

"I know it hurts," he said "but please try to stay still." His voice was remarkably calm for someone near where a battle was going on. "I need to stop the bleeding, and then I'll take you somewhere safe." The pain lessened a bit as he worked, but it hurt hurt _hurt. _

"Hinata!" I managed to gasp out. _Where is she? Is she ok?_ "Hinata!" The man crouched over me didn't say a word. He picked me up and I screamed as the pain renewed and shot through my head. We were flying through a forest, dodging chunks of earth and bursts of lightning, but I didn't care and could only feel pain. "Hinata." I sobbed.

"Your sister is safe." Uchiha-san said as soon as we were far enough away that he didn't have to concentrate on dodging. "She isn't hurt. We got here right after their medic extracted your left eye. Hiashi got her out of there first thing, himself. I'm sorry, but I don't think she should see you until we get your eye back to you. I can't heal you completely until then."

I was grateful he was talking to me; it helped distract me. "Where are we?" I asked. I shivered as cold air whipped past us.

"About five hours away from Konoha. We were very, very lucky. You were discovered missing fairly quickly by a member of the Uchiha police force when she found—" he cut himself off and then changed what he'd been about to say "out you were gone. We alerted your father and enlisted the help of a member of the Inuzuka clan, but in the end it wasn't hard to find their trail. They left through the front gates and made a straight path to the direction of Kumo. We estimate they had an hour head start. At some point they were joined by five others. I think when they realized we were catching up they thought they could get your eyes and have one team member take them back to Kumo while the rest held us off. "

We stopped in a small clearing. "Your father is probably not going to stop running until your sister is safely back in Konoha, but we need to wait here until the fighting is done. We can't get too far away from your eye." Uchiha-san said. I automatically started reaching for my face and he pinned my arm to my side. "_Don't _touch."

"Uchiha-san? What's your name?" I asked. I stared at his face, trying to memorize it. He… looked like your stereotypical Uchiha; short black hair, black eyes, pale skin. The only really distinguishing thing about him was a scar on his right cheek.

"Arata Uchiha."

"Thank you Uchiha-san." Even though the wind had abated I started to shiver more violently. I was fairly certain I was going into shock, but I couldn't tell him that because I hadn't learned that word in Japanese yet. _Darn it_. Arata quickly took off his cloak and wrapped me in it. It stopped the shivering for a little while, but then I started shivering in little bursts. He sunk his medical healing into my chest, which must have been hard through the layers of his cloak. I was able to relax fully as a calming warmth spread throughout my whole body.

"Uchiha-san?" I whispered.

"Yes?"

"How did they kill Mami? She wouldn't have let us be taken like that unless she were dead."

Arata considered me and sighed. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes. Where was she? How did it happen? One of the ninja bumped into her and another one picked me up and took me away. A little later the first ninja appeared with Hinata. The whole area was crowded, though. I don't understand how they could've done it." The left side of my face hurt as I talked. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

"Hyūga-san was stabbed, possibly right when the Kumo-nin bumped into her. She was found in a trash bin in an alleyway near an intersection that held lingering traces of an area-effect genjutsu." He looked pained, and I could feel tears gathering at my eye.

Arata continued "It was probably a genjutsu to make whatever they did in that square go unnoticed. We found traces of the same genjutsu at all major intersections in between the Hyūga estate and the main street, and I wouldn't be surprised if, with more careful inspection, we found it on some minor streets as well. With so many people milling about, it's not surprising that the chakra wasn't noticed earlier. There were about two hundred Kumo shinobi in town for the celebration, so they had plenty to spare to try and catch you today. It's possible they had contingency plans to kidnap you if this one failed."

After that we waited in silence. Arata had to withdraw his chakra after five minutes in order to conserve it for my eye and any other team members who came back wounded. I waited hopefully, having no doubt that the Konoha ninja would succeed. After only a few minutes more nine ninja arrived, some entering the clearing and some perching in the trees. Seven of them were carrying bodies on their shoulders—prisoners, I guessed. If they'd have killed them they would've used scrolls. I looked around with my one eye wide, feeling both scared and a little excited. This was my first time seeing ninja "in action," and they could make an entrance look awesome. A man with a large grey dog by his side caught my eye and frowned, shaking his head. That was my only clue, but it was clue enough for what came next.

"Well?" Arata asked.

Another Uchiha, this one a female, said. "We subdued all of them and put knockout tags on them, but the one carrying her eye destroyed it right before we captured him. We need to get them to T&amp;I, so heal her quickly and let's go."

I saw Arata close his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. "I'm sorry," He told me. Then he brought his hands to hover above my face again. I closed my eye and was grateful as the pain faded.

"It's okay." I whispered back. "You're healing it. It doesn't matter." I didn't want to be a ninja anyway. I hoped this would mean I didn't have to be. Losing an eye wasn't as bad as losing an arm or a leg, in my opinion. Arata didn't reply, and after a few minutes he put some cream on my tender skin and wrapped what felt like half my skull up in bandages. I imagined I looked a little like Danzo, which thought had me smiling a little. Arata had me climb onto his back and we were off.

I _didn't _want to be a ninja. I never did. I still didn't.. . . But, on the way home I thought about it a lot; about being able protecting those closest to me and protecting myself, about the fact that danger was going to come to me no matter what; and about being useful and serving my village. It wasn't very comfortable on Uchiha-san's back, but somehow between one thought and another I fell asleep.

000

I awoke to Hinata's face right next to mine. She had crawled into bed next to me and was staring at me. Her arm was draped across my shoulder, almost like a hug. She was already dressed in her black pants and t-shirt. I had never been so grateful to see anyone in my life. I smiled as I glanced around the room. I was in a hospital.

"Does it hurt?" She asked in a small voice. I noticed her eyes were red.

"Yes. And I have a headache." I said. I wished I had ice. I reached up and was almost grateful to just feel bandages. "What time is it?" I asked.

"Almost lunchtime." She said. "We said goodbye to Mami this morning. You missed it, but everyone said you needed sleep."

I closed my eye. I felt sad, yes, but right now I mostly just felt tired. And my headache was interfering with me feeling much of anything else. Mami had been nice and I didn't want her to be dead; I would miss her and mourn her, but not right now. I noted that I was hungry, but that was secondary to the pain in my head. I opened my eye and sat up slowly, but had to put my head between my knees when the room spun. "I need some medicine. My head hurts. Please go get Kō or Baa-chan or someone."

Kō entered the room at that moment,

"Alright, Hinata-sama, it's time to—oh! Hikaru-chan! You're awake." He said.

I lifted my head and turned it to look at him, noticing how he flinched just a little. That hurt. "Yeah. I have a headache. Can I have some medicine?"

"Of course." He said. "I'll find a nurse. Are you hungry?"

"A little."

"I'll find you some food too." He activated his byakugan for a moment, no doubt locating a nurse, before deactivating it and leaving the room. A nurse came in a few minutes later with a baby pain reliever and a glass of water, which I took. She also placed glowing green hands on my head for a moment, before smiling and reassuring me that everything would be alright. Kō brought back enough lunch for both of us and then departed with an "I'll be right back. Be good, you two."

Hinata stayed and ate lunch with me, but she was very quiet. Usually she chattered more when it was just the two of us.

"Are you ok Hinata?" I asked, and watched in dismay as her face crumpled and turned red.

"No! You got hurt! And Mami is gone" She started crying.

"Shhh. It's ok Hinata. I'm ok. It hurts, but it will get better. It's like getting sick; you feel awful for a while but then you get better." I picked the topic I could address. I didn't know what to believe about an afterlife anymore, so I wasn't going to say anything about heaven.

"B-but your eye! It won't ever get better!" She sobbed, wiping her eyes with her arms. I wanted to find whoever told her that and throw something at them, but I guess she needed to know sometime.

"Noooo, but my face will feel better. I'm ok, ok?" I scooted over to her and wrapped my arm around her, not quite certain how to calm her. I was spared in my efforts, because at that moment Dad came hurrying into the room. Behind him I saw Kō give a little wave before he shut the door to give us some privacy. Dad, to my surprise, picked Hinata up and hugged her to him, disregarding of how she was crying into his robe. He moved to pick me up as well, but then hesitated and settled for patting me very gently on the head.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"It hurts. But I'm alright." The pain reliever had helped with the pain in my face, but I still had a headache, weirdly enough. I had expected it to work the other way around.

"That's good. The doctors expect you'll make a full recovery. You'll be here for a day or so and then you can come home. After that we'll bring you back for checkups." He said, patting Hinata on the back and giving her a slight smile as her crying subsided.

"Good." I was glad I wouldn't be in the hospital very long.

000

**AN**: Woot! So now we get the first big change to the storyline! They didn't kill any of the kidnappers! This will have _repercussions_! I'm excited, but too lazy to write all of that into this chapter. More material for next chapter then. :)

The major reason I changed the circumstance of the kidnapping was that I thought that it was a phenomenally dumb idea for the head ninja guy to try to _sneak into _a ninja compound where the ninja can _see through walls_. I don't even see how he got as far as he did in the anime. I also thought it was weird that he did it himself instead of having subordinates do it (because they'd probably keep a closer eye on him), so I changed that too.


	5. Chapter 5

It turned out I was in a state of recovery in the hospital for about a week, not just "a day or two." Evidently the ninja who extracted my eye had also cut off my eyelids, just to make things go faster. Replacing my eye or even using a glass or wooden one wasn't going to be an option. When they finally took the bandages off for the last time and I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw that where my eye had been was the shiny pink of new skin and still angry red scar tissue.

I also had to take medicinal tea for headaches every day; my chakra system was apparently _very_ unhappy about not being connected to one of my eyes anymore. I was going to be monitored to make sure that this wasn't going to be problematic and mess up my other eye. If my chakra system corrected itself wrong by sending too much chakra flowing through my other eye then I would go blind. Or if it tried to "fix" the problem by sending a lot of chakra to the area where my eye used to be then that would aggravate that area. I would have weekly checkups for the time-being and then eventually they would be scaled back to monthly checkups and then, if necessary, yearly checkups.

I was given another two week's reprieve from training just in case, even though this left me feeling bored in the mornings. I usually spent them watching Hinata and Neji, who had been brought in as a replacement training partner, train. I also kept on trying to read and practiced throwing a soft ball up in the air and catching it to get a feel for how my depth perception was now.

On one of these free days I was once again summoned to Dad's office where he informed me that because of my information he was able to tell the pursuers not to kill any of the kidnappers. While the full consequences of the kidnapping in terms of the relation between Kumo and Konoha were still being worked out it was certain that Kumo had no grounds to ask for anyone's head. They had still denied any involvement and were demanding the return of their shinobi, but Konoha was trying to wrangle some concessions out of them first. Hiashi couldn't tell me everything because it was sensitive information, but the point was that Hizashi was not going to die because of what had happened.

I sat there absorbing this information with relief. A sigh escaped me.

"I'm glad. I can live with one eye if it means Hizashi-ji-san won't die and Neji won't grow up with so much hatred and resentment."

"Hatred and resentment?" Dad questioned me.

"They asked for your head and you stole his father from him instead. That's how he saw it for many, many years until you gave him a letter Hizashi-ji-san wrote him before he died. I can't remember what the letter said, but it helped him come to peace with what happened. Before that, though, he saw it as his fate to be trapped by his curse mark just like his father and was angry inside."

Dad scowled. "So he grew up to be a fool too."

I was exasperated at him. Honestly, you'd think that he didn't have any empathy, which I knew wasn't true. "_No_, he was a _child _whose grief and circumstance led him to a negative conclusion, just because it was negative—"

"It was the wrong conclusion, which makes him a fool." Dad interrupted me. "Just as my brother is in the wrong for resenting his place. I am grateful he is not dead right now, but that does not make him any more right for his disrespect."

"But that's _wrong_!" I burst out, and immediately knew I should have kept my mouth shut. Being interrupted was a pet peeve of mine and really didn't help my tone of voice.

When Dad spoke, his voice was dangerously quiet. "I would punish you right now for your disrespect to your parent, but for the fact you are still recovering from an injury. I expect more respect, especially from you. Go to your room and think about proper behavior."

I left, simmering with anger. Just because I was physically a child he thought he didn't have to listen to me, yet he expected me to treat him with the maturity he knew I possessed. It was all take and no give. "You didn't _raise _me." I whispered viscously as I walked down the hallway. "I'm not your daughter."

The sensible voice in the back of my head was unhelpfully reminding me this wasn't exactly true. I _was_ his daughter and he _was _raising me—providing me with a house and food and training me. I stopped and sighed. This was _frustrating_, but it wasn't the end of the world. I knew it must be difficult for him to know how to treat me. I was still a child in the terms of this world—I hadn't fought in wars or spent years training. I needed to grow into being a ninja just like everyone else. If I was to gain Dad's respect I would have to do something that _he_ thought was worthy of it. There was a possibility, one I didn't _really _want to think about, that he would always treat me like a hybrid between a subordinate and a child rather than a "fellow" adult, but I hoped not. I just wished things could be the way they used to be, I had _really liked _my old life and my family and my place in it. "Really liked" was an understatement. As far as immediate concerns went, however, I knew I had let my annoyance get the better of me in that conversation and that I should go back and apologize.

I about-faced and went back to the office. Dad looked at me thunderously when I entered, but before he could open his mouth I bowed and said:

"Forgive me, Father. I am still not used to being a child again or this world, but that does not excuse my disrespect." I held onto my bow, waiting for him to acknowledge me.

"I forgive you." He said, "You may rise."

I straightened up with relief. Dad had a bit of a strange expression on his face that I couldn't figure out, but he wasn't angry anymore.

"I also forgive you this once," he continued "for disobeying me and not going to your room. I should have realized that it would not take you so long to discipline yourself. However, I expect you to obey me in the future."

I kept my thoughts the ability to think for oneself and freedom to myself for the sake of peace, and simply nodded and said "Yes, sir." He dismissed me, and I left.

000

After my little "vacation" it was back to training, with one difference. Despite the fact that I was now back, Neji continued to train with us. It would go like something like this: Hinata sparring Neji, then Neji sparring me, and then me sparring Hinata. We rotated who was in the first spot, because that person got to rest longest in between their first and second spar.

Neji was frighteningly good for being so young; I could already see him earning his title of best rookie of his year.

I almost always lost against him, but it was exhilarating. With Neji I felt like I could take more risks—do harder moves that most often ended in failure; but, when they did hit, did more damage than I was willing to bring to bear against Hinata. ("More damage" was a relative term, of course. I bruised him at most, but still it was a difference.) I was usually punished for my sloppiness, but sometimes subtly praised for my improvisation and ambition.

Hinata became a concern. I hadn't noticed it in the two weeks she trained with Neji, but when I sparred with her myself I could feel a difference. She was withdrawing; giving up before the spars even began. She went through the motions convincingly enough, but she wasn't trying to _win _like she used to. She began to defend more and attack less.

Hiashi was starting to scold her quietly after every spar, something which left her in tears almost every day. I tried everything I could; asking her "what's wrong, what happened, is this about the kidnapping, are you ok?", telling her "I love you, its ok, you're amazing, you're a good fighter, you're the best sister." I played with her when she wanted and gave her space when she wanted too, but nothing seemed to be working. She wouldn't answer my questions. Whatever was going on wasn't going to be fixed in a day or a week or a month. I was seriously contemplating ways I could contact Inoichi and ask for his help and/or intervention. I thought it must be some trauma about the kidnapping influencing her, but I couldn't know for sure. Maybe it was having to spar against Neji? She lost against him 98% of the time just like I did, and it could be affecting her confidence and will to keep trying. Heaven knows, after losing chess against my older brother only about ten times in my last life, I gave up all hope on that game. (Yes, I quit easily; but I was also five and bored by it….anyway, moving on.)

Meanwhile I was also trying to think how to change the still simmering relationship between my father and my uncle. I don't think Hizashi-ji-san held so much resentment in his heart towards me, because I was destined for the branch house just as he had been. Added to that was the pity factor which I'd gained from just about everyone by losing an eye. (Which, as a side note, generally created hugely awkward and uncomfortable situations of people trying and failing not to stare at it whenever they talked with me. I also got stopped in the hallway and asked "How are you?" by relatives much more now than I used to be. Creating afore mentioned awkward situations.) I hoped I could use both these things to my advantage and talk to Hizashi to alleviate the situation somehow.

I had thought to myself to say to him "You need to stop having so much anger and hate, because you will trap Neji in anger and hate as well. You are as trapped as you think you are; we are _all _trapped in some way. Any one of us could've been born in a different family, in different circumstances and we would've been trapped in _that _situation too. I admit that _I _feel trapped as I am as well." I mentally thought about gesturing to my eye, or lack thereof. "But to think that way would make me miserable. I don't know that one world view, to be trapped or not, is more _true _than the other, but I do know which one makes me happier and better able to deal with my life. Hatred doesn't change anything, it only hurts the one who is feeling it. For both your sake and Neji's you need to find a way to let go of it."

Of course I could come up with a nice eloquent argument in my head. But, as everyone knows, whenever you come up with the perfect conversation (which usually is accompanied by a mental image the other person listening politely and nodding) it usually doesn't come out that way in real life. _I _knew it, certainly, which was why I was too much of a scaredy-cat to go up to him and actually try and say any of that.

Instead I chose the more accessible target.

000

"Hello Hizashi-ji-san, may I talk with Neji after you are done training?" I had finally found them in the branch house dojo after searching for an hour after lunch. Catching both of them together really wasn't ideal, but now that I was here I couldn't really leave without having a reason for being there in the first place. I was actually supposed to be napping right now, so having a purpose in coming here would make a better excuse than saying I was exploring.

Hizashi-ji-san's eyebrows raised in surprise, and then lowered as his face turned into one of faint disapproval,

"Aren't you supposed to be taking a nap?" He asked.

I shuffled my feet, blushing. "Y-yes. There was just something I wanted to ask Neji about. I couldn't stop thinking about it."

"Well, since you've already interrupted our training, I suppose Neji can take a small break right now." He said, lips twitching in an attempt not to smile.

Neji looked at me with an appraising expression. "Yes?" He asked.

"Over here, please." I lowered my voice a little and pointed to one end of the room. It was hopeless to think that Hizashi wouldn't be able overhear us anyway, but maaaaybe if he could tell I wanted privacy he wouldn't listen in. More likely he'd listen anyway, but depending on how this conversation went that could be a good thing.

"What is it?" Neji looked a little annoyed at having to walk across the room just to talk to me, and said it that a tad louder than necessary.

"Shhh. Um." I decided to talk about something else first, to make him less annoyed before I talked about what I really wanted to. "You're really good at sparring. Uh, how long do you spar every day?"

He grinned at that. "Of course I am. I train all day every day."

I would have sweat dropped if that were possible; right, he's almost four and a half, probably doesn't keep time that well. Unless he _did_ train all day, which I wasn't sure was possible at his age.

"Wow! That's a lot." I said. "I guess I just need to train more. One more question. Ah, why…" I swallowed and started again "why is your dad always mad at my Dad?"

Neji immediately scowled, looked to check and saw his Dad doing a kata and seemingly paying us no mind, then leaned in and whispered "Because your Dad is mean. He _hurt _my dad."

"I know he's mean." I whispered back, and Neji was surprised at that. "But my Dad is mean because your dad is mad. Which makes your dad more mad which makes my dad more mean." I paused until Neji worked this out and nodded. "I want to know which one started it, because I don't think my Dad will ever stop being mean unless your Dad stops being mad. So I thought maybe if I knew why your Dad—"

"Your Dad should just stop being mean." Neji whispered fiercely "Besides," he scowled "my dad would never tell me why he was mad. I had to work it out myself. Whenever he's mad and I ask him why he just looks at me and says I'm a good son with a lot of potential. Sometimes he says I should have been destined to be part of the main family, but I don't get what he means. If I was a part of your family he wouldn't be my dad." His face changed from scowling to faint puzzlement.

I could tell this conversation wasn't going to go anywhere. While Neji was angry at my Dad, it wasn't the full-blown "it is my destiny to be part of the branch family" anger. He also couldn't really tell me anything about Hiashi and Hizashi's relationship I didn't already know, but at least this way Neji might feel comfortable talking to me about it in the future when he did know more.

"Oh," I said "but that would be cool if you were our brother. I'm glad you're our cousin though."

Neji gave me a small smile. "It would be cool to have little sisters. How about you can call me ni-san?"

I smiled back. I had no idea if Neji and Hinata had a conversation anything like this in canon that started her calling him "older brother" or if it was something she did on her own. It was neat to get permission from him though. I glanced at Hizashi, who was now standing looking at us. "Sure! I should let you get back to training. Thank you for talking with me, Neji-ni-san." I gave him a small bow.

"You're welcome." He bowed back and then ran towards his father.

I went to exit the room, but I'd only gotten halfway to the door when Hizashi-ji-san called out to me.

"Wait a moment." He said.

I turned and looked towards him as he approached. I could tell he was angry, but restraining it. Neji ran past both of us and left the room, sliding the screen shut behind him. We were alone now. Hizashi used his Byakugan for a moment before turning it off again. He crouched down in front of me.

"Did you ask Neji that while I was here on purpose?" He asked.

"No." I quavered. I supposed that the reason he had used his Byakugan was to see if anyone else had theirs activated and was looking for me. We had border guards, but they would be too far away to see anything this deep in the compound. That meant I was alone with an angry man who could quite probably kill me before being stopped. I knew that he wouldn't, but that didn't mean the anger I felt from him was any less real or make him any less terrifying.

That being said, I meant to answer all his questions completely honestly.

"No," I repeated "but I thought it might be a good thing you were here."

"Why?"

"Because I want you to stop being angry, because Neji might grow up angry. Because I know that he's trapped by the curse seal, but Hinata is trapped in the main family too. She could've been born in some farm village where she would never have to learn to fight or kill anyone but she wasn't. And I don't think she'll like it. Because we choose how we face challenges. And I don't want you and Dad to fight anymore."

Hizashi stared at me in anger and disappointment. "You are a smart child, perhaps a prodigy when it comes to intelligence, but you are still a child. This isn't only about Neji, it's the whole situation. You don't know what generations of branch family members have been forced to do and give up. You don't even know what Mami gave up for you, beyond _her life_, do you?"

My eyes widened. I was a little bewildered, not having expected this at all. "What Mami gave up? What did she give up?"

"Her son died." Hizashi said in a short, clipped voice. "He died the day you twins were born from injuries he received in the Kyuubi attack. He was only two months old. She was _asked_" here his voice became venomous "to become your wet nurse. She essentially was forced to _be your mother_ while being _treated _like a_ servant_. Her husband told me that on your birthday she would cry herself to sleep at night after being exhausted from being forced to act happy _on the day her son died_. So if you think that this isn't a fate worse than death and worthy of anger then you are overwhelmingly wrong. This isn't about being positive, it's about the fact that my son and every other member of the branch house has a fate hung around his neck put there by your father and the clan elders: one they claim is necessary and for the good of all of us, but serves them most of all."

"W-what?" I said in shock. "But she—" I didn't finish the sentence. _Of course_ she wouldn't have told us. It made me feel sick inside. "I'll change it!" I said frantically "Or Hinata will! She won't grow up like that! We can change the seal so the main family can't hurt people with it!"

Hizashi closed his eyes and sighed, a long slow breath out. His anger left, but when he opened his eyes the disappointment remained.

"I thought that too, when I was younger. I didn't talk to Hiashi about it until he was already clan head and I was about to be married. He…didn't take it well, even then. He thought I was challenging his authority and the traditions of the clan. He thought I was jealous." His face turned to the side and I saw the muscles in his jaw clench. "He no longer understood me, as he used to." He turned his face to look at me again. "You may find that by the time your sister comes to power you no longer know her. I do not think it will be the same as the rift between us, but judging from your personalities right now I think that she will be weak, and you will be angry. Your father will never allow change for as long as he lives. Even if _you _were to become clan head, it would not be possible."

Hizashi stood back up suddenly, rubbing at his face and looking to the side. "In any case, there is not a seal master alive who could understand those seals, except perhaps Jiraiya of the Sannin. And the clan would never let him inspect the seal or the records. The records don't say much on how it works anyway, only how apply it. It's a compact seal, but the records don't, perhaps can't, show what the full thing looks like and obviously no one in the branch family is allowed to look at it magnified under pain of death. My twin brother might know a little more, but I doubt it would be enough to figure out how to redesign it. I know enough about seals to know that it isn't even just what's in the pattern that affects the outcome, but the original creator's intent and personality. And we don't have records of that far back. You might look at it and think one bit is meant for something, but because of those factors it may be meant for something entirely different."

He looked at me again. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. But the point is that I did try to research it on my own. It didn't get me very far."

I looked at the floor, defeated. "I'm sorry."

He sighed again. "Don't be, you were trying to help, which is even better than what I did at your age. We _are _trapped by this, though, and you cannot deny me my feelings on the subject."

I nodded, still looking at the floor. "I understand." And I did, with that sort of pressure hanging over me year after year, knowing there was nothing to be done about it; well, with my personality it would probably make me depressed, and I couldn't tell him off for being angry when I knew I wouldn't have been able to change my reaction to it either. I wasn't going to give up completely though. As horrible as the thought was, I knew my Father wasn't going to live forever, and as soon as I could I would try to redesign the seal and change things.

That meant I'd have to get really good at seals, which I wasn't looking forward to. I had wanted to become a medic-nin, but I knew I couldn't devote my time to two such major branches of study at once. Part of me selfishly wanted to forget about it because I wasn't certain if changing the seal would be possible, but I wanted to make a difference. More than that, I wanted to leave a legacy.

Out of nowhere a huge yawn forced its way up my throat and I straightened my head as I covered my mouth with a hand. A corner of Hizashi-ji-san's mouth lifted, but I don't think there was any real amusement in the expression.

"You should be napping. Go on to your room."

I nodded. "Thank you. Thank you so much for explaining." I said. I darted forward and hugged him about the legs. "You are a great man, no matter what." Then I rushed out of the room, only stopping to slide the screen open and then shut again. As I kept my hands on it for a moment to keep it from rattling, I heard Hizashi's voice as he spoke softly. I strained my ears to catch what he said.

"Thank you for listening."

I lifted one corner of my mouth myself, though inside I felt a touch sad, and crept back towards my room.

000

**AN:** I don't claim any medical knowledge whatsoever, so I don't know if what I wrote at the beginning of this chapter about her losing her eyelids really makes a difference. Regardless, she probably isn't getting another eye.

**Review Responses:**

**SasukeXhinataXOC: **You're welcome! Unless I can think of some Deus ex machina or a really, really good reason to where she would, she will probably never get a new eye.

**NightlyRowenTree: **You're welcome and thanks for reviewing! It makes me feel appreciated. :)

**xenocanaan: **It will certainly cause problems for her later. Thanks for the review!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: **This is just a comment on Kō's age in this fic, in case anyone was wondering. According to Narutopedia Kō is 20 in Shippuden, however that would make him only about 8 or 9 when Hinata is 4 or 5, and when we see him walking her around at that age he is clearly older than that. So, in my headcanon Kō is actually 6 years older than his canonverse, making him 13 right now. I think that genin age is responsible enough for him to be trusted to look after Hinata and Hikaru.

000

We had a new caretaker assigned to us—a quiet older woman named Kyoko who spoke only when it was absolutely necessary. The thing she said most often to us was that it was best to be seen and not heard. I got the feeling she didn't even like having to read aloud to us. Not that that was a bad thing—Hinata was certainly prone to quietness too—it was just _different_. Mami had encouraged us to ask questions and while Kyoko didn't actively discourage it, because it would be foolish to train us up to be disinterested, she looked uncomfortable whenever we did. Under her we started to learn about tea ceremonies and the proper way to walk and act like a Yamato Nadeshiko (a proper lady).

I wondered how she knew it all. She had married into the Hyūga Branch house—which was uncommon, but not unheard of—and I had to assume that her parents had the upbringing and money to train her in such a way. When I asked her about it she confirmed my speculations by saying that her parents were well-to-do and owned a fine tea shop in town. Here her face had clouded and she said "At least, before the Kyuubi attack, it was so." I had wanted to ask more… _Did their shop get destroyed and they were having to rebuild? Or did they….die? _But, she had schooled her features and given me a look that signaled I wasn't to ask more personal questions.

Unlike Mami, who had been with us nearly round the clock, Kyoko only tutored us for a few hours in the afternoon. She assigned us homework though, so while our evenings were unattended, they were not free. We practiced tea ceremonies with plastic tea cups and walking with (slim) books on our heads. Hinata, bless her soul, didn't know any better, but I sometimes thought wistfully about how at least in my last life I didn't have to worry about homework until elementary school.

Happily, after training in the morning but before lunch, we did have some free time with which to amuse ourselves. We had dolls and blocks and rubber kunai and shuriken; the former two wouldn't interest me at all but for the fact that I was having to redevelop finer motor skills, and the latter two we weren't allowed to play with unless Kō or someone else was there. If that hadn't been the case I don't think I would have touched them for fear of giving Hinata the idea to throw the stab-y pointy things. I didn't want to lose my other eye to an accident. However, Kō was a ninja already and would be plenty fast enough to catch any toys turned into projectiles.

Kō couldn't look after us every day because he had missions to run with his team, but he would still take us to the village every so often to get snacks and wander around. On one of these occasions I asked if we could take some flowers to Mami's grave, because I _still _hadn't been taken to see it. He agreed, so we went to the Yamanaka flower shop to see about getting some flowers. It was early February, so I didn't think they'd have a large selection, but it turned out that they had plenty. I guessed they must have a greenhouse somewhere in order to grow the flowers. Konoha didn't get a ton of snow, but it still got a good amount in January and February and there weren't any flowers growing outside yet.

Inoichi was behind the till today, and as Kō paid for a small bundle of flowers I said "Hello Yamanaka-sama, how's Ino?"

"She's well, thank you for asking." He smiled at me. I was touched, because he wasn't staring at the black bandana I wore in public pulled over where my eye would've been. As far as I could tell, he was looking at me pretty much as he had before the kidnapping, except I could see in his eyes an added measure of concern. "How are you?" He asked.

And suddenly I had to look away and breathe slowly as emotion welled up inside me. It wasn't as though everyone who asked me that wasn't being sincere, but somehow when Inoichi asked it, it was different. Despite the fact that I lost my eye and something was going on with Hinata and I may have actually made Hiashi's and Hizashi's relationship worse in a way—because in the anime it seemed the prospect of death and choice and sacrifice had changed and reconciled them all at once—despite all of that I knew I was still going to say everything was ok, even though all my worries about how it really might _not_ be threatened to make me burst into tears right there. Suddenly I realized I actually did trust Inoichi, and I wanted to tell him everything but I didn't want to have a meltdown in his shop again.

"I'm fine." I said, still not looking at him. I knew he'd be able to tell I was lying, but that was ok because I wanted him to know that I wasn't fine but just couldn't say so right then. I looked back at him. "Things are fine for now, but I'd like to talk sometime."

Inoichi nodded. "I see. I'm afraid I've asked your father about having the two of you over, but it seems he is too busy to make arrangements."

"Oh." I said. I had wondered why Dad hadn't taken me back to speak with Inoichi again, I guess busyness was the answer.

Kō spoke then "Hiashi-sama is terribly busy. It may have slipped his mind. If he does not have the time to bring the twins over, I can ask if he wouldn't mind if I did so. I'd have to ask my sensei when he expects we'll have a free day."

I grinned. "Oh please Kō! Do that!"

"That would be appreciated." Inoichi said.

Kō nodded, and we said our farewells.

000

Our visit to Mami's grave was short because it was cold and Kō wanted to get us back home. I asked if we could also visit the Memorial stone really quickly and Kō only agreed because it was close by. So that was how I learned where Training Ground 3 was and how to get there from our compound, because Kō took us the most direct street-route home. Despite the fact that he'd rushed both of us home over the rooftops that one day I started bawling in the flower shop, Kō much preferred to walk us places since carrying us both at the same time was a little tricky. He also probably didn't want to risk slipping on the snowy roofs with us in hand.

Kō dropped us off in our room but was only gone for about ten minutes. When he came back he said to me:

"I asked Hiashi-sama about taking you to see Inoichi-sama, but he said if you have concerns you should talk to him about them."

"Oh." I was disappointed, because there were things I couldn't talk to Dad about to his face because he'd get mad, like his relationship with his brother, but now that I thought about it I probably shouldn't be talking about that sort of thing with Inoichi anyway. "Ok. I understand."

Kō nodded. "Alright. He's free right now; do you want to talk with him?"

"Um. Sure." There was something I wanted to ask him about, actually.

Kō stayed behind to distract Hinata from the fact that I was running off, and I went to Dad's office only to find it empty. I ran back to our room.

"Kō! Where's Dad?"

"Oh, ah, sorry." He smiled a tad sheepishly before turning on his byakugan briefly. "He's still sitting on the patio looking on the rock garden."

"Ok, thanks!" And I was off again.

I found Dad sitting on the patio, just as Kō had said. He looked oddly relaxed, and I realized with a jolt that this was one of the few times I'd seen him looking so peaceful. Even at mealtimes he was usually preoccupied. It made me want to tiptoe away, but he was already turning his head to look at me.

"Hikaru-chan?" He asked.

I walked up and sat down quietly beside him, leaning into his side. My question could wait. "Hi Daddy."

Saying I had mixed feelings about the man named Hiashi was pretty accurate, he was both caring and cold, understanding and obstinate, aloof and stressed and sometimes snappish, busy and demanding, but probably trying his best like everyone else. He was a patient teacher (even if he did scold Hinata for 'not trying her best'), and he wasn't unkind(even if he didn't tolerate disrespect in its slightest form). I guessed he was probably an excellent leader. I thought I could grow to love him as a Dad, if given time…but how I felt about him changed pretty much instance by instance. I wasn't yet settled. Right now, though, seeing him look so peaceful made me feel more….comfortable around him. More like I wished he could feel peaceful more often.

Beside me Hiashi tensed a little in surprise before relaxing again. "You haven't called me that in a while."

"Daddy?" I asked, and he nodded. "Oh. I'm sorry." And I was, even though I knew I hadn't because it had felt weird. Right now it didn't, though.

"Was there something you wanted to talk to me about, Hikaru-chan?"

I sighed. "Yeah, two things. One, about Hinata and Two, about how the kidnapping was different but still happened."

Hiashi nodded at me to continue.

"About Hinata," I said "there's something wrong. I don't know if it's because of the kidnapping or because she loses to Neji a lot, but I know she isn't doing so well during training and she won't talk about it. I want to help but I don't know how. I think she should see Yamanaka-sama."

"Hikaru-chan, I think you're forgetting that Hinata-chan is a three year old." Dad said wryly, "just because she doesn't want to train has hard as she can doesn't mean she needs to see Inoichi. She doesn't like it, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong."

I nodded hesitantly. Maybe I was blowing her behavior out of proportion, I'd never had younger siblings and wasn't familiar with normal three year old behavior. At the same time, I had a niggling feeling that there was something more to it than that.

"Now, what else was it you wanted to say?" He asked.

"Ah, well, I don't really know. I mean, I haven't come to a conclusion of what it means. But, Hinata and I were kidnapped, but it happened completely differently than I thought it would. The day, the time, the number, the method, was all wrong—all different. But it still happened for the reason I thought it would. So—I don't know… I don't know if anything I know is useful. And besides, I don't know about anything that will happen in the next couple years." I said.

Hiashi sat quietly, staring off into the distance.

"I admit this has been on my mind as well. We simply don't have enough information. It is as though your story got the world right, perhaps even the cultureright, but who knows how much wrong. I suggest you keep your mind open. Write it all down, but don't show it to anyone, not even me. If, later, events unfold closer to what you remember then you should tell us. But, for now, with so many variables different, as you pointed out, your information would have us looking one way while the enemy came from another."

I nodded. It was sound advice. I just wished I could get the information out of my head, because if I kept on relying on it it could very well prove fatal. Well, there wasn't anything I could do about it, other than to write it down and keep my eyes open like Dad said.

We sat there together until lunch time, lost in our own thoughts.

000

Before too long I was visiting the Memorial Stone every week whenever I could find the time, bundled up against the cold. You'd think security would be extra tight after the kidnapping scare, and that I wouldn't be allowed to go anywhere, but the truth was that shinobi didn't coddle their children very much. I once passed a park and saw a kid fall out of a tree; after checking to see he wasn't hurt his Mom told him to try again "and find better grip holds this time." Hinata liked to stay indoors because it was so cold, and I admit I thought longingly of hot chocolate most days myself, but I forced myself outside at least twice a week to go explore and visit the Memorial Stone.

Why? You might ask. Well, the truth of the matter was that I wanted to meet Kakashi, and I didn't want to wait nine years to do so. And, for lack of anything else to do, I did talk to my ghosts of the past as well. Telling them how I was keeping on and such. Trying to justify and moralize what the future would likely bring. Retelling family stories so as not to forget. I did it all in my head though, because even though I thought I was alone that didn't necessarily mean that I was.

It was just as well, when Kakashi didn't show up in a month, that I resolved to myself that I would come for however long it took. He didn't make an appearance until a full year after that.

000

"Who are you looking for?"

The sudden voice made me jump. "Gaahh" I screamed quietly before turning to look at my questioner.

And there he was in the flesh. Hatake Kakashi. It made me want to fangirl squeal, but I managed not to. From my vantage point of around three feet tall he seemed like a giant, just like all the adults, but the mask and the silver-grey hair were a dead-giveaway.

He looked at me with the barest amounts of interest and I hurriedly answered. "Um. Nobody, really. I like to think here."

He shook his head a little at that. "Do you even know what this Stone means?" He asked.

"Yes." I said. "Mami doesn't have her name here because she wasn't on active duty. But I like it here more than the graveyard."

He was silent. I wondered if he recognized the name. I looked up at him, thinking. Was he in ANBU around now? Was he known as "Copycat" yet? Did he have something of a life beyond what that story said, or was he just as alone and depressed? I wanted to ask him if he was ok, but I knew he'd probably lie if I did. I just met him, so it wasn't like we'd have any heart-to-hearts anytime soon.

"It's rude to stare." He snapped me out of my reverie.

"Sorry." I said "I just zoned out on your face." I searched for something else to say. "How does it work?" I asked.

"How does what work?"

"Fighting with one eye." I clarified. "Neji-nii-san gets in my blind spot all the time. And I try to over-compensate by turning my head too much. If we were fighting for real he'd kill me."

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "Practice." He said.

"That doesn't help!" I said. "If I practice the wrong way that's as bad as not practicing at all. What do I practice? How!?"

He shrugged.

"You need practice explaining things to people." I grumbled. "Not everyone can understand a one-word answer. You can picture a hundred examples and boil it all down to the word "practice" which encompasses and includes all you think about. But what the other person hears is the word "practice" with a blank mental image and a question mark. That's what examples are _for_. If I already knew everything _you _think of that makes you say "practice" I wouldn't be asking in the first place."

Now he was staring at me.

"What?" I said.

He kept on staring.

I giggled, just barely managing not to echo "It's rude to stare" right back at him. "What?" I repeated. "I'm a weird four year old, ok? And if you ever want to teach anyone anything, you have to figure out how they learn, not how you do."

He kept on staring. It was getting a little unnerving.

I waved at him. "Are you ok? What are you thinking about? Can you teach me?"

He blinked. Once. Twice. And then shunshined away.

"That was unexpected." I murmured, looking at the place he'd been moments before. "Oh well." I turned around and started trudging home through the slushy snow. Now that I'd met him, did I want to keep coming back? There wasn't a good reason to stop, actually. It had become something of a habit, and it helped me clear my thoughts. I decided I'd keep on going with my weekly visits.

That was…fun. Sort of. Meeting him in real life was still kind of mind-boggling, but Kakashi himself was reticent and probably really melancholy. I wondered, if we met up more, if I could change that at all.

I was still walking home when I ran into Naruto. Or rather, he ran into me. _What is it today about meeting canon characters? _I wondered as we both picked ourselves off the ground. Now, the anime makes it seem like Naruto is the only blond in Konoha, making all of us viewers wonder if the whole population are idiots for not seeing the connection between him and the Yondaime. The truth was that there were tons of blond-haired people in Konoha, along with all the other colors of the rainbow. The only thing that gave him away as Naruto were the whisker marks on his cheeks.

"Ow." I said, holding my nose. "Ow. Ow. Ow."

"Are you okay?" He asked, and oh that concerned look on his face was _adorable_.

I gingerly took my hand away from my face, checking for blood. It was clean. "Yes?" I ventured. "I just banged my nose." I looked him over. He was scruffy and dirty and wearing _shorts _in _early March_ "Aren't you cold?" I asked.

He shivered, as though I had just reminded him that it was freezing outside. "Yeah. Hehe." And then he smiled. "But that's ok because other kids need the warm clothes that come for me in a box at the orphanage more than I do."

I raised my eyebrows. No doubt that was what the adults at the orphanage had _told _him. And maybe that was true. Maybe the Kyuubi was like his own personal space heater. But maybe not. Judging by the way he was standing there shivering the answer was probably not.

"Well, they shouldn't take _all _your warm clothes." I said, unwrapping my scarf. "That's not fair."

"Hey! What are you doing?" He yelped as I tried to put my scarf on him.

"I'm giving you my scarf, silly. I've got lots more." I would have given him my gloves too, but I was afraid the adults would think he'd stolen the scarf as it was.

"Eh?" His eyes were as big as saucers as I wound the scarf around his neck. "B-but—"

"I'm Hikaru." I interrupted before he could protest anymore. "What's your name?"

And here he grinned a million-watt smile. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki! And I'm going to be the next Hokage! Believe it!"

I smiled back at him. "Awesome!" I said, but I was thinking _cute! _

Just then an angry adult rounded the corner up ahead—the same corner Naruto had come from.

"I'll skin you alive, brat!" The man yelled. I paled; that was an _awful _threat to lay against a four year old.

"Eek!" Naruto sprinted away without so much as a farewell. I faced the man, put my hand out in a "stop" position and yelled "Stop!" He thundered past me with only a glance in my direction.

"Stay out of the way, kid!" He yelled as he went past, but that was all. I looked after him, seething.

"I said 'Stop'!" I shouted, but to no avail. I scowled and stomped part of the rest of the way home, before tiring myself out and just walking the rest of the way. I hoped that Naruto managed to give him the slip. That was so horrible! He was four! At least I had given him my scarf to keep him a little warmer.

**AN: **Yay! We meet some more canon characters! Also, there will probably be another time skip in the next chapter.

**Review Responses: **Thank you A Gaggle of Geese, NightlyRowenTree, SasukeXhinataXOC, and Carmen -Zara- Uchiha Kitten! You people make me feel loved! *hugs*


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: **So, school started again for me. I'll still try and get a chapter a month out, but I make no promises.

0

Seeing as it had taken a whole year for Kakashi to make an appearance for the first time, I nearly jumped out of my skin when he appeared beside me the next time I went, just a scant four days later.

I'd gone in the morning today because our whole schedule had gotten shuffled around for greater convenience for Dad or something. We were tutored by Kyoko straight after breakfast, had some free time before lunch, then we were going to have lunch, then training. I didn't know if it was going to be permanent but I kinda hoped not, because trying to learn lessons while still sleepy was hard.

Kakashi didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I went back to staring at the grey slab the Memorial Stone was set on and tried to focus my thoughts back on my old world. _You will not stare at him. You will not initiate conversation just because he's standing next to you. He's probably thinking about all the people he's lost, and it would be rude to intrude. _With that I went back to trying to remember my family's faces again. It was depressingly difficult. You'd think that faces wouldn't fade that quickly, but without so much as a photo to help me remember details four years was proving to be sufficient time to make me forget even my _own _face. I sighed; this sort of thing always made my heart feel horribly heavy. I did better on days when I focused on the present and future; remembering the past was mostly just painful.

I glanced up at Kakashi then, but when I saw he was staring at the Memorial stone I turned my gaze there instead. I couldn't actually read most of the names, because they were too high up for me and I still couldn't read that well anyway, but looking at the symbols now made me suddenly upset. It wasn't English. I wanted to read something in English again.

I turned around abruptly and sat down. Then I looked up at the sky and tried breathing slowly.

"It never ever, ever stops hurting to think about it." I said, not caring about the consequences. Just wanting to reach out to _someone_ because there was no one else I could talk to. Not Dad, who had ordered me to move on; or Kō, who had been ordered not to listen; or Hinata, who wouldn't understand; or Inoichi, who I couldn't just go visit; or any other relatives, who I couldn't trust to not spread rumors. "Being able to talk to someone about it or make friends or have hobbies helps a lot, or at least it _would_, but I don't even have that. I can't read or write or connect with people my age."

I hadn't said anything incriminating yet, everything I'd said could be attributed to the kidnapping and Mami dying, but if he asked questions I would probably tell him the truth, and I wasn't certain if I was afraid or looking forward to it. I most likely shouldn't trust him either, but I sort of felt like I knew him and at this point I just didn't care. I hated not being able to talk to people and be open with them.

Kakashi slowly turned his head to look at me, I could see in my peripheral vision. The disheartened look on his teenage face made me feel even worse. _I told you not to talk. He's in an even worse place than you and you're technically _older _than him so stop mourning for a minute and look after someone else's pain, why don't you?_

"No," he said, "it doesn't."

I turned my head to the right a little to look up at his face more directly and we stared awkwardly at each other as I tried to think of something to say. No words of wisdom came. Or rather, several did but they felt too trite to utter aloud. I brought my head back to a normal position, so I was staring at the training field.

"Sadness isn't a bad thing," I said finally, "and neither is remembering. But I feel like remembering shouldn't always make you sad. And it doesn't _always_, but I think it does more than it should. Sadness just… makes remembering harder."

Kakashi was silent. I was silent. The silence stretched on and on until I was pretty sure he'd mostly forgotten about me. It was clear he wasn't going to continue the conversation. I felt sort of better, weirdly, even though I hadn't said anything particularly uplifting. Maybe it was just finally getting to speak my thoughts a little.

Everyone heals differently. For me, I like to talk and I like hugs. Being a child meant the only person who felt normal to hug was Hinata, since we were the same height. I had no idea how Kakashi healed. Sure, he _coped_ by staring at the Stone a lot. But how could he heal? I didn't know if talking would even help him, but even if it would… he'd only said three words.

I climbed to my feet carefully and turned to face him. I sort of wished I was taller already and could give him a hug, because I was certain that getting your leg hugged by a kid doesn't actually transmit very many feelings of comfort, but I knew since he was a stoic person he probably wouldn't enjoy it even if I was the proper height. I knew pretty well that just because hugs comforted me they didn't comfort everyone else.

"Ah, what's your name?" I asked.

"Kakashi Hatake." He responded automatically, without even glancing in my direction.

"I'm Hikaru Hyūga. It's nice to meet you." I said. Then he did look at me again. I gave a little wave. "Um, I'm going home now." I put a hand behind my neck and looked down and to the right. "Don't, um, don't be too sad, ok?" Then I winced and looked back at him, "Sorry! That was stupid and rude and—"

He waved me off, looking uncomfortable. "Maa, don't worry about it."

"Uh, ok. Bye!" I fled.

000

After lunch Hinata and I sparred under Dad's watchful eyes. We were both using Byakugan, and aiming for tenketsu points, but not actually using chakra strikes yet. Using Byakugan is weird. So weird. I can't even describe how weird it is to go from a normal (one-eyed) range of sight to seeing a lot more, and through walls, and through other people, and through myself. (Also, it doesn't really make the world look like a film negative, thank goodness, because I don't think I'd be able to walk in a straight line with the world like that. Though it does make colors more transparent and the suddenly visible chakra, in contrast, looks pretty bright.) I didn't really like it, even though it gave me my whole range of peripheral vision back and then some. Byakugan normally grants near 360 degree vision with just a small blind spot in the back. Since I was missing an eye, I had quite a bit less than that. Imagine looking at me from a bird's eye view; if most Hyūgas have an almost complete circle around them, then I had three-fourths of one, with the missing fourth being the lower left one. At times I was grateful mine wasn't the near 360 degrees everyone else had, because processing that much visual input was disorienting. Compared to most people, when my Byakugan was on I still had more vision than anyone without the Byakugan did, even with only one eye. Compared to other Hyūga I was highly disadvantaged.

Neji tended to dart around me whenever he could and take advantage of that, but my fights with Hinata were a lot more straightforward. Our arms moved in a whirl of attacking and blocking. At four and a half, we still weren't at an age where we could do anything fancy, such as flipping over each other or using our chakra to do anything beyond blocking tenketsu points. However, our fights were still rather intense.

Hinata wrapped her right arm around my left and wrenched, causing me to stumble forward and to the side and hurting my shoulder. Instead of taking the time to disentangle, I blocked her follow up strike with my other hand and gripped her arm right back and continued the motion, turning and pulling and—

"Stop." Hiashi spoke and we froze, both stumbling at the aborted motion. "Hinata, what was that?"

We pulled apart and faced him, Hinata with her eyes firmly on the ground and I with my eyes narrowed at Hiashi. If he was going to make her cry again I would be mad.

"Um, I, ah, I thought that if I pulled Hikaru-chan off balance I could, um, land a 'fatal' blow. I-it was just an i- an idea."

Hinata, as I said, was looking downward, so she missed the slight smile Hiashi sent at her. I relaxed. Dad must be in a good mood today. I touched her shoulder and she looked up, but by then the smile had disappeared.

"It was not a _bad_ idea." He began, and beside me Hinata relaxed a little, "but it was not a good one either." She tensed up again. "What went wrong?"

"Um! Ahh, ahhhh. I didn't let go in time?"

"Correct, the problem with grappling is that it can easily be used against you unless you have the clear advantage, and sometimes even then. You don't have the strength to throw Hikaru-chan enough off balance like that. There are easier ways. Also, while I approve of your improvisation, it was completely outside form. It perhaps would give you the advantage of surprise in a fight, but from that position you couldn't use Gentle Fist and defend yourself at the same time very well." He explained. "Come here, though, the both of you. I may as well show you how to do that sort of move more effectively."

000

Hinata wasn't really what most people would call a crybaby, I don't think. Even at four and a half, she didn't cry too much anymore about getting hurt during sparring practice and if Kyoko scolded her for messing up her strokes as we practiced writing she was stoically silent and simply concentrated on getting it right the next time. Dad was just … the chink in her armor. She loved him so much, and cared about his opinion so much, that she was also more vulnerable when it came to being scolded by him. His disapproval was more cutting to her than Kyoko's sharp reprimands.

I was rather afraid that Dad thought she was a crybaby, but it wasn't exactly like I could go up to him and say "She only cries when you're around, honest." Because that would go over as well as a ton of bricks.

Also, it wasn't quite true, because she had frequent nightmares ever since the kidnapping and woke up crying sometimes. I couldn't blame her. While I'd stopped crying every night about things I'd lost, I also had nightmares sometimes and would wake up sweating, reaching for my face to calm a phantom pain. Whenever she cried I would go over to her futon and crawl under the blanket with her. She would hold me tight and cry into my shoulder and whisper what the dream had been about and I would tell her that it was ok, everything would be alright, just wait till morning.

It was on one such night that I finally learned what had been eating away at Hinata; the dark thing that caused her self-confidence and sparring to suffer and her utter dislike of leaving the house nowadays, even with Kō.

"I saw that day again." She whispered to me through tears. "the day those men hurt you and killed Mami. I saw him stab Mami, and then he took us both away and s-stabbed her again. T-then he put me down and I was s-so scared. I couldn't move. Then he picked Mami up and put her in a trash bin and s-she was dying and she looked so _scared_ and then he closed the lid and I couldn't see her anymore. I didn't understand then what was going on. I didn't know that she was dying or why he put her in there but I knew he hurt her and he could hurt me too. I couldn't move. Then he picked me back up and then you were there and I was so happy to see you."

I hugged her tighter, my eyes wide. I was so stupid, why hadn't I realized she had seen that? At the time when Arata Uchiha had told me where Mami had been found I had been rather distracted by the fact that I had, y'know, lost an eye and was in enormous amounts of pain that made it hard to listen, and in the aftermath I was preoccupied by getting better and my eyesight and training. I had also thought about Hinata a lot, but for some reason I had never made the connection that _she was right there and had seen it happen._

"I-" I swallowed "I was happy to see you too. I was scared too, because I didn't know what to do either. But it's ok, because we're safe now and Dad will protect us and we'll get stronger so we can protect ourselves."

"Ok." She sniffled.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked cautiously. "Did you tell Dad?"

"Yeah, I told Dad and one of the Uchiha police after. He said I was safe and it was ok. I didn't tell you because you were hurt and I thought it would make you more sad."

"Oh." I thought about this. "I'm sad it happened, but I'm not sad you told me. You can always tell me whatever you want, ok?"

"Ok." She said quietly.

Even after she fell asleep I didn't move, just wanting to hold her close. I had always liked Hinata as a character, but now I wanted to protect her as a person more fiercely than I cared about anything else in this life. She wasn't the same person as my first identical twin, and I couldn't expect that our relationship would be the exact same, but that night I realized I would still tear apart heaven and earth for her, just like I would've for my twin in my last life.

_Whoever hurts her is going to pay._

000

The next day after lunch we trained. (So, it turned out our training _wa_s moved permanently to later in the day. It didn't make much difference for the sparring itself, but staying awake with Kyoko was proving to be a challenge. She would thwack the floor with a ruler to wake us up. Fun. I was just glad she wasn't swatting our hands or something.) Today it was just Dad and Kō watching us.

Hinata wasn't doing so well, probably because of her nightmare, and I think she knew everyone in the room could see it and was getting more and more nervous. I decided to just end the fight as quickly as possible so that she could stop and have a breather. With that thought I attacked more aggressively before sweeping her feet from under her and causing her to land heavily on the floor.

Hinata immediately rolled and rose onto her hands and knees. Kō, who hadn't watched our fights so much and had immediately raised himself from his kneeling position into a half kneel, settled back down. Hinata stayed down, just breathing and trying not to cry as I crouched down next to her and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Sorry." I whispered.

Dad, however, did something he had never done before. He shook his head, a bitter expression on his face, and then abruptly left the dojo. I looked at Kō with wide eyes. Dad never just _left_. Unless he was called away on urgent business of course. If he was the one instructing us, he stayed the whole time to give us feedback and make sure we didn't seriously hurt each other by accident. I…didn't like to think about what this might mean. Was he just having a _really _stressful day?

Hinata started crying in earnest, she got up and pushed my hand away and ran out of the room.

"Hinata-sama!" Kō called after her, but she ignored him.

"I'll go after her," I said, "but let's give her a minute."

Kō shook his head and said "Hiashi-sama is very strict because he has high hopes for the both of you."

"I know. But it hurts her. It doesn't help her." I clenched my hands into fists. I was going to have _words _with him. "Where is he going?"

Kō turned on his Byakugan and then said, "Going to his study, from the looks of it." Then he stood up abruptly. "Hinata is running in the direction of the gates. She's going out to town by herself! Hikaru, you run after her!"

I took off at a run. I wandered around by myself all the time, but Hinata never went outside by herself!

I ran out of the dojo and down the open wooden walkway, only pausing a moment to snag on my sandals. Hinata had taken hers. Good.

I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, but by the time I got to the gates she was gone.

"Which way did Hinata go?" I demanded to one of the guards on duty.

"That way, towards the Academy." He pointed.

I sprinted away and brought my hands together, calling out "Byakugan!" I had to slow down immediately in order to process what I was seeing and not run into walls, of course, but I was close enough to her that I could see her small bright chakra network several streets ahead and to the left of me. Close enough for the Byakugan, but still quite a distance for me to try and catch up. With my Byakugan on my slowed pace meant that until she stopped somewhere I wasn't going to reach her.

After a short while she went out of range, where my chakra sight cut off and behind the last layer of transparency it gave way to normal solid structures. I cut off my Byakugan and sped up. This happened several times; speeding up and then using my Byakugan to find her again and slowing down and losing her and having to cut it off to speed up again.

_Just stop running. Please._

000

I skidded to a stop on the street with the wooden-slat wall next to the academy. There was a dropped ice cream cone in the middle of the street, but no one in sight.

"Byakugan." I puffed out. I was certain she'd gone this way. Where…? There was a group of kids in the little wooded area beyond the swing outside the Academy. It looked like they were fighting. One of them was on the ground. Was that…?

I ran around there without bothering to undo my Byakugan, coming up just in time to see Naruto get knocked to the ground (again?). Hinata was standing a little ways off, with her fingers poking together like she did when she was nervous or uncertain.

I didn't realize until now how fighting Dad and Neji could make me confident enough to take on a group of taller boys, but I didn't even stop to think as I barreled in. They saw me coming, unfortunately, and the one who'd knocked Naruto down said "Hey! It's another Hyuga!"

"Ugh! Look at her _eye!_" Another one backed away. Oh. Right. I hadn't put a bandanna or anything on to cover the scarred skin on the left side of my face when I left. Of course, he could also have been talking about the veins bulging around my right eye. It was a toss-up.

I let out a wordless yell and charged at the one who'd knocked Naruto down. (Naruto was getting back up, looking at me with wide eyes, so he was ok.) The boy brought his hands up to defend himself and tried punching me but I knocked his hand away easily and punched him in the gut. (I wished I could trip him and tower over him or something, but they _were _taller and older, so that probably wouldn't work). As he doubled over I brought a bunch of chakra to my hands, unformed. It wouldn't do any damage; it was just creating light, but it was intimidating which served just as well. I took up a defensive stance with both hands glowing and looked the other two in the eyes. I wanted to take them down, but after the first guy recovered and even if Naruto helped two against three weren't great odds. Especially since I'd never fought in tandem with someone and I'd never fought multiple opponents at once before. So, intimidation it was.

"If you hurt Hinata _or_ Naruto ever again, _I will hurt you. _I will see you. I will find you. And I will make you pay." Good grief, in my high-pitched wheezing voice that just sounded ridiculous.

They didn't seem to think so. Or, at least, my eye and my fists scared them enough that they took it seriously. The one who'd commented on my eye gulped and turned tail and ran without a word, with his buddy saying "Hey wait!" and going right after him.

The one I punched scowled at me and said in a strained voice "You'll pay for this! We'll make you say you're sorry!" before running off at a slightly slower pace than the other two.

I breathed out a sigh of relief before letting my Byakugan and the chakra in my hands go and turning to face Hinata and Naruto, who'd gone over to stand by Hinata. I smiled. Aww.

"W-who are you?!" Naruto yelled, pointing at me. "And how do you know Hikaru!"

My smile dropped and I face-palmed, but I couldn't keep from smiling again and laughing. "Naruto! I _am _Hikaru! That's my twin Hinata!"

"H-how do you know Hikaru-chan, N-naruto-kun?" Hinata asked, completely confused.

He ignored her question, gaping at me instead. "Whaat!? B-but, what happened to your eye!?"

"This one?" I asked, pointing to my non-existent left one "I had it covered up last time we met, y'know. It was already gone. Some Kumo-nin kidnapped Hinata and I when we were three and took it out."

He stared at me in a mixture of confusion and concern, before looking at Hinata.

"Then who are you?"

"I just told you that!" I said. "She's my twin, Hinata!"

He crossed his arms and nodded. "Oh, I see."

"H-how do you know each other?" Hinata asked again.

Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Eh heh heh, I kinda ran into her one day. She gave me a scarf! She's nice, believe it!"

"I-I know she is." Hinata said, a small smile beginning to form on her face. "Thank you for trying to save me."

"No problem! Believe it! I couldn't let those jerks hurt you!"

Hinata blushed bright red. "Um. Um."

Aaaaand just then Kō appeared and spoiled the whole mood.

"Hinata-sama, Hikaru-chan, there you are!" He said. "Hiashi-sama sent me after you."

I gave him a half-hearted glare, because I couldn't really blame him for coming after us. "We're ok! Hinata ran into some mean boys who were bullying her and then Naruto tried to save her and then I came and saved both of them."

"Hey! I was doing fine on my own!" Naruto protested.

"Oh yeah, sorry! You did great! You stopped them from being mean to Hinata!" I said. I hadn't meant to injure his pride, just let Kō know why he was there and that he was doing something good.

Ko looked a bit conflicted. I could practically see the "You shouldn't be around him" hovering on the tip of his tongue. I sharpened my glare.

"Naruto's great!" I said. "He's our friend!" I softened up a bit "Thank you for coming to get us, though."

"Ahh." Kō said, looking even more conflicted. "Let's get you home."

I looked at Naruto and found him about to burst into tears. Oops.

"You guys _are_ my friends, aren't you? Always, believe it!" He struggled valiantly over his emotions and won, sniffling and blinking away unformed tears.

"Yeah!" I said enthusiastically, giving him a thumbs up and smiling at him. "We have to go now, but we'll see you around!"

He beamed and I wanted to go over and hug him. Kō grabbed my hand though and held his other one out in a clear invitation to Hinata, so I had to settle with waving.

"B-bye Naruto-kun." Hinata said quietly.

"Bye!" He grinned and waved back. Then we left, and as we walked away I looked over and saw Hinata looking back at him and blushing.

**AN **Agh, just, don't get me started on timing issues. Nevermind, gotta explain my logic. So, in the episode "Confessions" in a montage of Hinata's past that don't seem to take place too far apart from each other Kō is walking with Hinata around the village and she sees Naruto, probably for the first time. Then later he shows her the academy and says "one day" she'll go there and she sees Naruto again swinging on the swing. Then Hanabi beats her in a spar and she runs off crying, runs into some mean kids and Naruto shows up to try and save her (but this doesn't work out so well). I always thought that this happened before she entered the academy or soon after, like as in she still doesn't know Naruto too well or hardly at all and this was a turning point in her starting to like him because he is one of the first (possibly only) people to stand up for her. However, there's a problem in that…Hanabi is supposed to be five years younger than Hinata! It's not like she beat Hinata when Hinata was 7 and she was 2! In order for Hanabi to have any chance at beating her I'm going to say Hanabi was five and Hinata was ten, but that would mean she'd already been Naruto's classmate for a while and knew him and probably liked him before then! But when you watch that episode it's clear that she's younger than that! (Or at least I think she looks younger than 10…) Just. Ugh. Why.

So, um. I just moved this event to this chapter, when Hikaru and Hinata are both four and a half. Just because I like the idea of that event being when she doesn't know him well and figures out she likes him. Also, one line of dialogue in this chapter is quoted _almost _verbatim from the show. (The one where Ko says to Hikaru that Hiashi has high hopes for them both).

Also, I totally thought there would be a timeskip in this chapter, but I didn't expect this to get as long as it did even without one. Sooo… I lied, sorry!

**Review Responses:**

**Llyrica **and **Illogical Human:** Thank you for your reviews! I'm keeping on writing for sure, believe it! :)

**SasukeXhinataXOC:** Thanks! Glad to hear you enjoyed it so much!

**BOOspook:** Thank you so much! That is one of the things I'm really trying to go for in this; in-depth characters who think like real people and don't necessarily revolve around the OC. Also I am really glad to hear that you don't think her dialogue/interactions are unrealistic! Thanks!


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: **So I looked it up and apparently schools in Japan start in April, so I'm going with that.

0

Kō waited until we were back to the house to pull me aside into one of the smaller courtyards and asked in a low voice:

"Hikaru, do you have any idea who that boy actually is?"

I had to think about how I would answer. Tell him that I know a village secret or not? I hadn't actually told anyone yet that I knew. I'd told Dad that I knew about hidden villages and missions and ninjas and the kidnapping, but not about Naruto or the other kids and certainly not about ANBU or ROOT. The reason I didn't want to tell them I knew, is that if he thought I knew one village secret he could reasonably assume I knew more. I didn't want to be taken to T&amp;I and have them dig and dig until they knew I knew all about ROOT and Danzo and the Uchiha Massacre. After the kidnapping had gone so differently, though, I'd probably been written off by Dad and the Hokage and Inoichi as a weird anomaly who knew some things but didn't know everything. So happily I hadn't been asked anything too pointed or been summoned to the Hokage's office.

So the question came down to, protect myself or try and change at least one person's view of Naruto early? Well, I wanted Kō on my side and I didn't want him forbidding me from seeing Naruto again. I would just have to ask him not to tell Dad that I knew.

"That depends," I said carefully, "because it's clear that my information isn't completely accurate. However, I am sort of an adult, and if what I know is correct, then I'm not planning on breaking a law that may or may not exist by telling anyone else about it."

Kō completely tensed up and his hands curled into fists, "Then _why on earth _would you associate with that _monster?_" he whispered fiercely.

I gave Kō a look, "Kō, firstly, breathe. Secondly, I'm guessing from your reaction that I do know what's going on. Thirdly, do you know who Mito Uzumaki is?"

Kō didn't look any less angry or concerned, but he did relax a little, looking somewhat put-off by my question. "Yes, of course. She was the first Hokage's wife."

"Yeess, and?" I said.

Ko was just confused, "And what? What does this have to do with anything?"

I raised my eyebrows. Wasn't that taught in history books? I thought it was common knowledge that she'd been the Jinchūriki. Of course, Kō was only thirteen so maybe that piece of information had somehow slipped by him. Was it against the law to tell someone who a former Jinchūriki was? I had no idea. I decided to try a different tact.

"Nevermind, um, do you know how sealing actually works?"

"_Hikaru_, stop this, and just tell me why you could say you're friends with that boy." Kō said.

"I'm trying, I'm just trying to get you to think about it! Listen, from the information I know, think of _it_ as…being inside a jar. It's inside a sealed jar in Naruto's stomach. It isn't Naruto, and Naruto isn't it in human form, ok? He isn't evil or a monster, he's just a little kid who has no idea why everyone hates him, ok? He has to carry this burden his whole life and it's not his fault. He's really nice, and I _know _he'll grow up to be an amazing ninja of Konohagakure." I hoped he'd get the hint when I put emphasis on the "know," that this was something I knew about from the future.

Kō looked a little blindsided, "You're saying it's less like a Bird Cage Seal or Prison seal and more like a storage seal? But, I thought—"

"You thought that rage could come out any moment? That Naruto was a-a shell, a face for the thing that was responsible for what happened that day?"

Ko looked conflicted again "Well…"

"Just, pay attention to _who he is_ and think beyond what you may've been told. The Kyuubi was a huge mass of uncontrollable rage and Naruto is so obviously _not _that. The Kyuubi _hates_ ninja and Naruto _doesn't_. The first thing he said when we met is that he wants to be the Hokage! Yes, it is _inside _him, but it is not who _he_ is, and you shouldn't blame him or treat him differently because of it."

Kō grimaced, "It's clear that you know more about him and who he'll be than any of the rest of us do. But, Hikaru, I get what you're saying, but just to let you know where everyone else is coming from, you weren't there. You weren't born yet. It was the _worst, most terrifying _night of my life." He shuddered at the memory, "I thought we'd all die. I was just eight. I didn't know if anyone could stop it. Then all of a sudden it's gone and there's so much destruction and people dead in the streets and the _Yondaime_ _dead_." He took a deep breath. "It was horrible, and everyone wanted to know what had happened. We're supposed to be safe in our village. The Sandaime called a council of the clan heads and civilian guild heads, and I think it was supposed to be private but pretty soon it seemed like everyone knew the Kyuubi was inside this baby and only kept at bay by a seal…"

_Kept at bay by a seal_. That…sounded a lot like the Caged Bird Seal to someone who didn't know the whole story; a Hyūga could easily leap to that conclusion, at least. A Hyūga Branch House member was controlled and in a sense contained by his/her seal, any undesirable traits punished and, indeed, "kept at bay" by it. _They really do think that Naruto could turn into a monster at any moment don't they? That it is like a Bird Cage Seal that is turned on all the time (but without the brain destroying pain of a Bird Cage Seal) and if whatever-they-think-is-causing-the-seal-to-work fails, the Kyuubi will go on a roaring rampage. Well, that's actually pretty close to the truth, but it's like they aren't taking _Naruto _into account. That _his will _to keep the Kyuubi inside is also hugely important. They just look at him and see the Kyuubi._

I gave Kō a half-frown, not upset at him, just at the situation. "Well, I know I wasn't there, so I can't understand what it felt like even though I do know fear, but the seal doesn't work like a Caged Bird Seal. I don't understand it completely of course, but a storage seal is a lot closer to the mark. Just, can you treat Naruto fairly when he's around? I want to be his friend, because he needs some. If you want to be there, if you don't feel safe having him around us, whenever Hinata and I see him you can come if you want. It seems a lot of people in this village have a knack of looking at him and seeing something he's completely not, and I'd rather you weren't one of them."

Kō brows scrunched up and he looked at me unhappily, "I…believe you. I don't know exactly what you told him, but I do know you told Hiashi-sama a bunch of stuff about the village that you couldn't know yet without knowing from another source, so I believe you know about not only who Naruto is but who he'll become. Nobody told me how the seal worked before. But, all I can promise is that I'll try, ok? It took me this long to not feel _afraid_ when I see him. I will chaperone you two when you're around him, whenever I'm free. I can't promise I'll be comfortable enough around him to treat him like any other kid."

"That's ok," I said, elated that he was willing to try, "as long as you're trying it's a whole lot better than scowling at him or shouting at him or threatening to kill him. As long as you're acknowledging that he's a person and not a monster."

Kō nodded.

I took a deep breath. Now for the risky part.

"Kō, I need you to promise to not tell Dad or make any comments that would let him know that I know about the Kyuubi."

"You haven't already told him you know?" He asked.

"Well, I didn't know for certain if I knew. I still don't really. The seal might work differently from what I've said, and so that's why I want you to keep an open mind about Naruto when you're around him and judge him for his actions and himself, not by what anyone's told you, even me. It's just that, since this was a secret, I don't want him to become suspicious of me. You and I both know that if someone disagrees with Dad about something, he doesn't like them and he forces them to do what he wants. The forcing part might be his right as clan head, but the anger and everything? Aren't good. If Dad knows I know about Naruto then we'll have a huge argument and he won't be as open as you've been. And he'll be mad and suspicious I didn't tell him I knew, even if I just wasn't telling him so we wouldn't argue. It will add more stress to Dad, when he's already really stressed, and make my life more painful." I explained. It was all true, I was just leaving out the part of not wanting to get interrogated like a spy.

Kō had to think about this for a good couple of minutes. "I would say 'no' straight off," he said eventually, "because it's a village secret and you shouldn't know about it and Hiashi-sama should know you know, but at the same time you are sort of an adult and all the adults know about it. So it's more like an adult choosing not to bring up a topic to another adult they know will cause tension between them, and Hiashi-sama _is_ very stressed already as it is. So…I'll have to think about it, but for now I won't mention it to him."

That didn't completely ease my mind, and it was very probable this was all going to blow up in my face, but for now I could breathe a sigh of relief that Kō wasn't going to go straight to Hiashi and tell him about our conversation.

000

My good mood came crashing down after Kō split off to go somewhere else and I went to my room only hear Dad lecturing Hinata about what had happened loudly enough that I could hear it before I even got to the room. She must have told him.

When I slid the door open and slipped inside my heart sank. Hinata was crying again. _It hurts. It hurts her. How can I stop it?_

"It is unacceptable for you to run around the village unescorted! You are the heir to the Hyūga clan!" He was almost shouting at her. I moved to stand beside her and put my arm around her, my lips pinched into a thin line. I heard her breathe a sigh of relief at my support.

_But it's ok for me to run around willy-nilly? I thought that you didn't care where either of us went, but now that Hinata went outside alone for the first time this comes out?_

"And you are not to associate with that boy!"

Hinata took a deep breath, though when she spoke it was a whisper "He tried to help. He's our friend."

_And that's what makes Hinata strong; she can be courageous for her friends. And what makes Naruto special; he inspires such courage._

Hiashi's face was one of pure shock for a moment. Hinata had never spoken back to him before. Then it turned into one of rage and he strode forward and grabbed her arm and pulled her a step or two away from me, bending down some as he did so.

Thwack!

My arm shook from blocking his arm and I glared at him. I had moved forward as soon as he raised his arm and managed to bring my arm up in time to defend both of us.

"_Un-ac-cep-table._" I said. "You _will not_ hurt her for doing something so simple as expressing her opinion."

Hinata was whimpering quietly and I wanted to hurt Hiashi for making her afraid.

"Hinata, leave the room. Go to the dojo and do katas." He commanded quietly, his eyes never leaving mine. Hinata left very reluctantly.

_Don't panic._

I couldn't stop the strangled cry that left my throat as he grabbed my left arm and squeezed so hard the bones scraped together. As soon as he let go I cradled my arm against my chest.

"What is stressing you out?" I strained out angrily. "Something has been off all day."

The taken aback look on his face told me that was the last thing he expected me to say. His face settled back into a cold mask after only a moment.

"That is none of your concern."

"Maybe not, but you need to find a better stress relief than hurting little girls."

My head rocked to the side and my cheek stung with a slap I hadn't even seen coming. Ok, so maybe I partially deserved that one; angry me does not word things in the most non-provoking way.

"Silence! The both of you need to learn to respect your father. She should not have back-talked me, and you should not have stopped me from disciplining her. I am trying to protect both of you!" He said angrily, his voice rising.

"Really?" I shot back, backing up just in case he wanted to slap me again, "From a little kid who wants to be the Hokage and who stood up to bullies and tried to protect Hinata? What part of _his actions_ or his personality points towards him being unsuitable to spend time with?" Oh this was ironic, we were arguing about the very person I'd told Kō I didn't want us to argue about. I was going to have to word this carefully if I wanted to try and make Hiashi think differently about Naruto without letting on that I knew more than I should.

Once again, he moved too fast for me to see, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me back and forth, hard. "You don't question me!" He said. "You obey me!" I could see the moment his anger switched from hot to cold, and it was absolutely terrifying. "That boy is a monster in human form and you! You are one as well." My heart was beating rapidly and as his arm raised to slap me again I panicked; I brought both my arms up to cover my head in probably the most ineffectual defense ever and said rapidly

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I shouldn't have argued!"

The blow I was expecting never came. I opened my eye, which I had shut tightly, and was relieved to see him lowering his arm slowly. We were both breathing hard, me to calm down and him to get a grip on his anger. He stood up and strode abruptly to the door.

"We'll talk more later," He said as he opened it, still simmering with anger. "I don't want to see your face until dinner."

000

Hinata and Kō and I all promised each other and made plans that we'd keep any meetings we had with Naruto a secret. We didn't dare arrange to meet him, but if we bumped into him on the street and behaved politely or were friendly we weren't going to breathe a word of it to Hiashi. (If there were people around we'd have to keep our distance somewhat in case word got back to Hiashi, but if no one was around we could be friendlier) Kō had decided not to tell Hiashi about my knowing about Naruto, and he went further and decided not to tell him if we met on the street either even though he knew Hiashi would disapprove. My respect for Kō, which was already pretty high, went up several notches. He was undoubtedly uncomfortable with the whole situation on some level, but he clearly also wanted to think and form an opinion for himself, even if it meant not being entirely open with his clan head. I was more grateful for his kindness than I could say. If Naruto was the bright spot in Hinata's life right now, then I had to say Kō was mine. Not in _that _way; he was way too young, or old, or something, but he was a really, really nice friend to have. Even if I couldn't talk to him about everything.

A year passed, Hinata and I turned five in October and it was now late March. We would be entering the Academy in a week and a half. We did see Naruto around town throughout that year, and he was always really happy to see us, but we always had to tell him regretfully that we couldn't play with him because we had to train, or we were on an errand, or make other excuses. I was beginning to regret saying we were friends, because Hinata and I were forced to be pretty horrible friends. He didn't seem to notice, he always just rambled on about whatever was going on to his life and how we needed to come eat ramen with him sometime, believe it! And we were able to tell him what our training was like and chat happily with him. But I was pretty certain his smiley attitude was at least partially an act and that our excuses affected him more than he let on.

We really couldn't afford to spend too much time with him or even chat with him too long at a time. I counted my lucky stars every time we met up and then weeks passed with no sign from Hiashi that he knew. That would be the last thing we needed.

000

"Sa, how do you feel about entering the academy?"

I huffed a laugh "Part of me is terrified and the other part couldn't care less."

Kakashi looked at me from the corner of his eye, assessing.

He had started appearing at least once a month. I was beginning to think that before he hadn't showed up in so long because he would see me and wait for me to leave to come out. He probably still did that most times, but he was becoming more open, even to the point where he started talking first sometimes. There were times when we didn't say a word the whole time we stood in front of the Memorial Stone, and then there were times like today. We didn't talk about our pasts; in fact we still hadn't really told each other much about ourselves beyond the superficial, but our conversations were still nice. He had finally given me some advice on fighting with one eye, the third time he showed up, funnily enough. And he'd shown me his Sharingan too, telling me that he actually did have two eyes, but when he fought with it he usually closed his normal one so it amounted to the same thing as only having one when he was fighting.

"Why?" He asked, "Most of the kids will be from civilian families. You'll probably be able to graduate early." He hesitated. "I did. You have the intelligence, and with your family training you should be well beyond most of your classmates."

I shook my head, "I'm not really worried about failing, what I'm actually worried about is making friends."

He looked at me with what was probably incredulity. It was hard to read his face a lot of the time, considering 3/4th of it was covered up.

"Why? The point of the academy is to train, not make friends."

Now it was my turn to be incredulous.

"Yes it is. A large part of school is making friends and learning how to socialize. It's how you get to know who you'll be working with and helps you stay sane."

Kakashi hmmed noncommittedly, but I could tell from the way he hunched his shoulders a little that I'd said the wrong thing. He hadn't had that experience, after all. We lapsed into an awkward silence. How to recover this? Saying "Sorry, your childhood was horrible" wasn't going to help.

"Moving on though, I don't think I'll graduate early. Wasn't that war protocol?"

"Not entirely. You certainly won't be pushed through as fast as I was, but prodigies graduate early."

"How fast did you graduate?" I asked hesitantly, hoping I wasn't pushing it.

"In a year." He answered amicably, "I entered the academy when I was four and graduated when I was five. I don't remember it too well, actually."

"Oh. Well, I don't want to graduate early if it means leaving Hinata behind. I'll play dumb if I have to."

Kakashi smiled, I could tell from the way the skin by his eye creased. "You can try."

"You doubt my acting skills? You wound me." I said, grinning.

"Heh, well yes."

I went over to him and mock-kicked his leg. He thwacked me lightly on the back of my head and moved a step away.

"Ow." I complained, rubbing the spot he hit.

"Serves you right."

000

When the day to enter the Academy came I was both nervous and excited. Hinata was really scared, and clung to my side as we stood in the courtyard and waited for the Hokage to begin his speech. Dad had brought us to the gates himself, which was a nice gesture, but even though Hinata had wanted him to stay longer he'd left as soon as possible.

The speech was short and mostly about the Will of Fire, but I hardly listened. If I wasn't assigned to the same class as Hinata then both of us would be miserable. They finally read off the names of the classes and I was surprised when Hinata and I, along with the rest of the Konoha 12, were assigned to an unfamiliar man named Katsuro-sensei. I looked around for Iruka, but he wasn't among the other sensei.

_He _must've _become a sensei later, I hope he still does._

Hinata and I just so happened to end up beside Sasuke, with Sasuke right by the window, then me, then Hinata, then Naruto. Naruto was super excited to be in the same class as us and he (loudly) and Hinata (quietly) talked before class was called to order.

"Hi, I'm Hikaru Hyūga." I introduced myself to Sasuke.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha," He said excitedly, almost bouncing in his seat, "I can't wait for us to start training."

I had forgotten that Sasuke was actually a cute and normal kid before the massacre happened. It was a little jarring, to be honest. I smiled at him,

"Me neither."

"Everyone settle down!" Katsuro-sensei yelled. The class immediately quieted. The first half of the day was your normal orientation/introduction sort of fare. Then we broke for lunch, scattering across the playground. Hinata and Naruto and I sat and ate together until we were interrupted by a couple girls.

"Hey, do you two," the ringleader, a girl with dark green hair, pointed at me and Hinata "want to come sit with us? You shouldn't be sitting by him."

"Says who!?" Naruto asked, and was ignored.

"Yes, says who?" I repeated, when it was clear they weren't going to answer him.

"My parents! They says he's a bad person and everyone should stay away from him."

"Well he isn't." I said. "But instead of us leaving him, you can join us."

The girl crossed her arms, looking annoyed. "No way. Haven't your parents told you to stay away from him?"

"Yes, my dad has," I said, "but I know adults aren't always right, even my dad. Don't you?"

She made an exasperated noise and rolled her eyes before turning around and stomping away, her friend trailing after her. Naruto scowled into his lunch. I sighed. Yeah, making friends was going to be reeaaall easy. Not.

"I'm sorry t-they were being mean, Naruto-kun." Hinata said.

"Yeah, well, I don't care. Thanks for sitting with me." He said.

"No problem." I said, "We know you and they don't. You're nice, no matter what they say."

"Thanks."

After lunch we had physical training. We ran lots of laps and then were partnered up randomly to test our skills in sparring. When it was my turn, I was up against Shino.

Bugs have never bothered me, luckily, but it was still disconcerting to have a small cloud of them land on me as I rushed at Shino and he dodged out of the way. There were a few shrieks of surprise from the girls in the audience, which I thought was funny. I had to fight my instinct to waste time trying to brush them off and wished I knew the Heavenly Rotation technique already. The feeling of my chakra getting sucked away was really unpleasant, but luckily at the rate it was happening it would take a while for it to exhaust me. The circle we were confined to was sort of small, so Shino couldn't dodge me forever, but when we finally started exchanging blows I found it hard to use chakra while it was getting sucked away at the same time, so I couldn't block his tenketsu. Still, that didn't mean I was helpless. In the end though, because the feeling of my chakra being sucked away was distracting me from fighting as well as I should have, Shino got a good kick in which knocked me out of the circle and Katsuro-sensei declared Shino the winner.

"You fought well," he said to me afterwards, as two civilian born kids fought, "why? Because you did not let my kikaichū disturb you. Also, you have an unusually large amount of chakra for your age."

"They did distract me some, because feeling them eat my chakra was weird," I admitted, "but the only insects I don't like are spiders and centipedes."

"I do not like spiders either, because they like to eat my kikaichū. However, most girls scream and run away when they see them, so I was glad that you did not. Why? Because if you had neither of us would get to show our skills, and I do not think comrades should be scared of each other."

I nodded, but didn't respond because Hinata was up next, so I gave her a quick hug and told her she'd be fine. She fought a brown-haired boy, who she defeated. Naruto and I both cheered her on. She was beaming when she won and I gave her another hug and Naruto gave her a high-five.

Naruto fought another random boy, but lost. He demanded a rematch, but Katsuro-sensei yelled at him to exit the ring already and let someone else fight. I glared at sensei but he didn't notice. Until Iruka-sensei got here this was going to be a long year or couple of years for Naruto.

Right after we were released from class for the day but before we went out to the main courtyard Hinata and I finally explained to him that even though we liked him our Dad didn't know we were friends and we had to pretend we weren't, so we couldn't be talking to him as we waited for him to come pick us up. Naruto drooped at that, but he said "I understand. Thanks for hanging out with me during the day anyway." It was saddening to see him sit morosely on the swing as we waited, so I couldn't help going over to him one last time.

"Hey," I said, "I am really sorry about this. But we'll sit with you tomorrow!"

He brightened up at that thought. "Thanks! See you tomorrow, believe it!"

I couldn't help but smile back, his grin was infectious. "Yeah, you bet!"

**AN: **I'd like to say I don't hate Hiashi, especially since he gets a lot mellower as the show goes on. I don't want to turn him into a complete monster, because it's eventually shown that he does love and care about Hinata and even Neji too (and obviously Hanabi…) In fact, rewatching the show there's the point where Hinata loses in her spar to Hanabi and Hiashi asked one request of his dad that we don't see; well, it's my headcanon theory that he was requesting that she not receive the curse seal and that's why she doesn't get one. I do think, though, that he was emotionally abusive to Hinata at the least; in the show. Kurenai tells him genin missions have high chances of fatality and he basically tells her he doesn't care when Hinata is within earshot. My interpretation of canon!Hiashi is that he is under huge amounts of stress as clan head while trying to be a single parent at the same time and having an eldest daughter who he sees as a failure AND the fact that he is naturally strict regardless and trying to do "what is best for the clan" and raise up at least one daughter to be a good leader. It doesn't excuse his actions, of course, even if it does explain them. I think a turning point for him is seeing Hinata be brave enough to keep fighting Neji in the Chunin Exams. So I'm trying to be fair to Hiashi's character here, really, and not bash. He does care about them both, to differing degrees.

Emotional abuse is a really sensitive subject and I hope I can write it well and don't offend anyone while writing about it… but I just really don't think that Hinata's personality in the beginning of the show and in flashbacks can be attributed to natural personality alone. Yes, she was brave for standing up and attacking Neji, but whenever I watch that episode I feel like cringing because it looks like to me she was literally being suicidal, that her "serenity" and "confidence" because of Naruto were actually partially her just not caring whether she lived or died.

Adding the weirdness of Hikaru's situation to the whole mix is the lynchpin that just makes the whole situation a LOT worse. So when she confronts Hiashi he just almost blows his top. That scene isn't just for angst, it's showing the deepening of a flaw he had in canon. (It doesn't help that he doesn't think of her as a child, even while expecting her to obey like one, which means he doesn't feel many compunctions about hurting her even though her body is that of a child. He also thinks she's really unnatural, which is where the "monster" comment came from) Hikaru's an adult though, she'll be able to handle it better than if she really were four and a half, obviously. Things tend to get worse before they get better. This is the getting worse part of the curve in their relationship.

Anyway, to make this a little more positive, I just want to say that as I've been watching the show I can't believe how amazing Hinata's character arc is. After suffering from emotional abuse she overcame so much and became so strong, with the help of loving friends. That is a tremendous victory. I really want to do her justice.

Ok, wow, looong author note aside, I think I'll respond to reviews for last chapter (and this one) next time. Thank you though, everyone!


	9. Chapter 9

We had several good weeks at school. Then our luck ran out. Somehow Hiashi learned that usually one, if not both, of us would sit with Naruto at school. The result was a nightmare.

"HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY ME!"

Hinata was already sobbing, my presence doing little to comfort her this time. Guilt was written in every line of her body—she didn't understand why we'd been ordered to stay away from Naruto in the first place and hadn't seen the harm in being friends with him, but now, in the face of Hiashi's unrelenting wrath, she felt like she must have done something horribly, horribly wrong. She was already trying to apologize, but was crying so hard she couldn't get the words out.

"You have _no right_ to disobey _your father_! I gave you a direct order to stay away from that boy. I should have you disowned and tossed out into the street." He shouted.

I was chanting over and over in my head: _You can't attack him. You are in a five-year-old body. He has had combat experience in a war. He will kill you. You can't attack him. _

And I believed he would too. His anger level was so great that without Hinata there I was scared of what he would do to me. That didn't stop me from feeling hot and bitter anger at him for yelling and at myself for being unable to stop him.

"Both of you are disgraceful daughters! I expected better of you, especially you Hinata!"

I nearly attacked him then. I nearly gave into my anger and charged, but my brain wouldn't let me forget the consequences.

_Moving forward forward too far too fast towards hardness, coldness, in a weak vulnerable body. Fear fear breaking smashing blood, blood everywhere._

I flinched at the memory. _It doesn't matter how much you want something. How much fear or anger you feel. They aren't enough to make you _that _much stronger than you are. _If I moved forward too fast I would only break against Hiashi. I knew it in my bones.

But that didn't mean I had to stop moving forward at all.

I stepped carefully and slowly in front of Hinata, taking a deep breath.

"It's my fault. Please don't yell at her." I said, voice as steady as I could make it. Hinata wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and cried into my shoulder. I could feel her trembling violently.

Hiashi looked very much like he wanted to swat me out of the way, but with Hinata hanging on to me he couldn't. She was again protecting me without realizing it. Still, his focus shifted to me and off of Hinata.

"Of course it is your fault! Without you here, she would obey me!"

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I stayed silent.

"I ought to put the curse seal on you immediately! I don't know why I don't!"

The rest of the lecture was more of the same. After Hiashi moderated his voice and I could tell he was calming down I decided it was safe enough to ask a question.

"Who is he?" I asked not because I didn't know, but to see how Hiashi would answer.

Hiashi knew immediately that I wasn't just asking for Naruto's name. The change in his visage astonished me; for a moment he looked ten years older, though anger still burned in his eyes. He glanced at Hinata, who still had her head buried in my shoulder but was trembling less now, before answering deliberately.

"He is the son of a man I respected, and the cause of that man's death. He carries a great potential for evil inside of him, one that has already caused this village much sorrow."

"Wouldn't…please don't get mad, but wouldn't it be _better _then, if he had friends, to stave off unhappiness and discontent and anger that comes from being ostracized?"

"You must not be seen to be friends with that boy." He said vehemently.

His answer completely blindsided me_._ Kō had clearly thought that Naruto was as good as the Kyuubi himself, and Hiashi had _said_ things in the past to that effect…and yet….._ You must not be _seen _to be friends with that boy…_

"This is about appearances!?" I asked incredulously. After the high tension of having Hiashi yelling at us and believing he had been wholly concerned about our _safety _this struck me as ridiculous for some reason. It was so out of the blue I had to cover my mouth to muffle a laugh. "Why?"

Wrong question. Hiashi didn't get angry again, but his face closed off.

"That is none of your concern."

Well, he probably couldn't answer that without explaining the full situation, which he wasn't allowed to do. Maybe…maybe I should tell him I already knew and try to find out what this was about. If this wasn't a matter of Hiashi lacking knowledge of the truth, then there were things at work here I was unaware of. However, it may be that even if he knew I knew about the Kyuubi he wouldn't be able to explain what else was going on due to other reasons which I still wouldn't have the security clearance for. I decided not to push it. Maybe I could figure it out on my own or by carefully asking Hizashi-ji-san or, if I got the chance, Inoichi-san about it.

"Ok." I conceded.

"You must promise me you will not sit with him or play with him or talk to him again." Hiashi said.

My thoughts ran up against a brick wall. "Erm." I said, because I couldn't see any way I could make that promise honestly, not when I still didn't see the point of it.

"I promise." Hinata said quietly, miserably, into my shoulder. _Oh, Hinata._

"I promise I won't sit with him…" I tried.

The room temperature dropped a few degrees.

Oh sheesh. There was no compromise was there? And what was worse, he _would _find out if I broke my promise and he _would hurt me _if I did.

"…or play with him or talk to him again." I finished sullenly.

"Good." Hiashi said, "be sure you keep that promise."

000

The next morning was painful. We got to school a little early and found the classroom mostly empty. Hinata went straight to a back seat and sat all hunched up like she wanted to disappear. I went up to Naruto, who was already sitting with two open seats beside him. One thing our friendship had done was encourage him to get to school early so we could all sit together. I felt a pang in my chest; it was all going to change. Naruto had been easy to be friends with. He was easy to talk to. He was a super nice kid—even if he was rather loud. I steeled myself when he looked at me.

"Hey, what's up? Why'd Hinata go sit in the back?" He asked.

"We can't be friends with you or talk to you or play with you or sit next to you or anything anymore, Naruto. Our Father found out we were friends and made us promise. If we disobey him he'll hurt us." I told him sadly but bluntly, wanting him to absolutely understand this wasn't our choice. I knew I'd never forget the heartbroken look on his face.

"B-but that's not _fair_." He looked like he couldn't decide whether or not to be angry or to cry.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Naruto sat very still for a few moments. Then he bolted out of the room. I went and sat next to Hinata, scooting my chair over to be right next to hers and putting my arm around her.

Katsuro-sensei walked over to us and looked at us, his hands in his pockets.

"You should be grateful to get away from him. That boy is trouble."

"Yeah, I'm sure." I muttered. "Not like he's just a little kid or anything. Oh wait."

Katsuro-sensei slapped his hand down on the end of the desk, making Hinata flinch and I jump a little. "He _is _trouble. Your Father is protecting you from him, trust me."

I looked at him, suddenly suspicious. "Did you tell our Dad we were spending time with him?"

Either Katsuro-sensei was a good actor or he was genuinely surprised. "No, I didn't."

"Hmmp." I turned my head away and looked at the wall. I didn't want to bother talking to him anymore. He snorted and I could almost hear him roll his eyes as he walked back to the front of the room.

Naruto never came back to class that day. I didn't blame him. The next day he didn't show up until lunch, but he did come back. He sat by a tree and stared determinedly at the ground, refusing to look at us where we sat nearby with Ino and Sakura and a few other girls including Mika, the dark-greened haired girl from the first day. That was even more painful than telling him we couldn't be friends had been. I found myself shaking with anger and clenching my hands into fists. _Hiashi, you are a horrible human being. _

"Hikaru-chan, are you ok?" Ino asked.

I forced myself to stop staring at Naruto and tried to calm down. I began eating again even though I had no appetite. "Yes." I said, then paused. "No. Naruto is nice, but our Dad won't let us be friends with him."

"Well, my Dad says he's dangerous." Ino said reluctantly, not wanting to hurt our feelings but clearly concerned for us too.

"Yeah! He's weird and annoying!" Sakura said, deepening my foul mood.

"Shut up!" I said angrily to her. "You don't know anything! He's super nice!"

"Hey!" Ino said, riled up "There's no reason for you to be mean to Sakura! Besides, he's _dangerous._"

The other girls looked awkwardly between us and Hinata was poking me to get me to be quiet. They had been really nice to let us join them for lunch in the first place and now I was yelling at them. I didn't care.

"No he isn't!" I shouted. "He's five! What's makes him dangerous? The most he could do is trip someone or punch them, which any of us can do! Will you all think for yourselves instead of relying on what your parents say?" I was pretty certain that at this point the seal hadn't eroded hardly at all, there really _wasn't _any way for the Kyuubi to get out unless Naruto let him out, which he didn't know how to do. He _wasn't _dangerous at this age at all.

Mika stood up, "You listen!" she said "I trust my Mom and Dad. You should trust yours! Naruto is evil!"

"H-hikaru!" Hinata said, alarmed, as I shot to my feet and spilled the rest of my lunch on the grass.

"He is not! Your parents are wrong! You are wrong! You're all a bunch of id—" Mika flew forward and tackled me as everyone else scrambled to get out of the way. As we rolled around on the ground I didn't care about proper technique in the slightest, and I don't think she did either. We were just trying to hurt each other. I punched her in the face. She grabbed my hair and yanked as hard as she could, causing my head to twist. _Ow_ I grabbed her arm and dug my nails into her wrist to make her let go. Then she punched me in the throat.

Hands-childsized, Katsuro-sensei wasn't intervening then-grabbed me and pulled me away as I choked. It was Ino hauling me away.

"That's enough!" She said. I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or Mika.

I couldn't respond; I was still gagging and trying to breathe. I almost threw up. Gagging always makes me feel like throwing up for some reason. I was trembling and struggling to get my anger under control.

Ino was scowling at me. "That wasn't nice Hikaru-chan! You shouldn't call names!"

I pulled away from her. "Well you all were saying mean things about Naruto." I wheezed.

Hinata came up to me. "Hikaru." She said, it was almost a reprimand. I looked at the other girls. Mika and Sakura and Ino were all scowling and the others were just staring at me.

"I'm not sorry." I bit out. "I'm still angry. You all should apologize too."

"You started it!" Sakura said.

"I'm s-sorry she's in a bad mood." Hinata said to them, "I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"You don't need to apologize! She does!" Mika said, pointing at me.

I turned around and stomped away, all anger and blackness and turmoil. "I hate you all." I muttered. It didn't make me feel better. Fighting with Mika hadn't made me feel better either. My scalp was still throbbing and my throat felt all weird and it hadn't expended my anger either. Hinata caught up to me a moment later, grabbing my hand and stopping me.

"Hikaru, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?" I knew—I didn't know how, just that I instinctively knew what she meant just like I'd almost always known what my twin meant before—that she wasn't asking _why _I was angry. She knew it was because we couldn't be friends with Naruto. What she was asking was why I was _angry_. I knew that Hinata was very sad and scared of Dad and guilty at the same time, but she wasn't angry at all. It wasn't in her nature.

"I don't know." I looked at the ground. In my last life getting so angry hadn't been in my nature either. _What was that? What _was _that? They don't know any better! It isn't like you to attack five-year-old girls for acting like the five year olds they are! It isn't like you to want to hurt someone for the sake of hurting them. Because you did. You wanted to hurt Sakura and Ino and those other girls too. _That anger scared me. It turned me into a bully. I still felt it though.

Hinata hugged me. "I love you." She said.

"Love you too." I said, hugging her back. Slowly my anger subsided. I felt empty and tired. "I should go say sorry."

Hinata nodded and tugged me along back to where the girls were still sitting.

"I'm sorry." I said, "I shouldn't have gotten so mad."

Ino looked at me warily, but she elbowed Mika.

"Ow! Uh, sorry I hit you." She said sullenly.

Then Ino gave Sakura a pointed look. If I hadn't felt tired I would've been amused at her clear taking command of the situation.

"Sorry I called Naruto weird." Sakura said, looking nervous. _Because of me or Ino, I wonder._

"Thank you." I said dully, and then turned around again.

I half-expected Ino to call us back but instead we departed in silence. It was nearly time to go back inside anyway, so I went and hung about the door and Hinata obligingly tagged along.

The rest of the day was horribly dull. Each day of the week our lessons and physical activity alternated, except running laps was a constant. We had to do laps and laps and I had no motivation but had to just keep on going anyway. Then we threw kunai, which I was ok at, or at least managed to hit the target 50% of the time, and then shuriken, which I was horrible at. After that we went back inside and did math. I felt like stabbing someone, possibly even myself.

Things didn't get any better for Hinata and I in the following weeks. It was incredibly hard for us to make friends with anyone else because we'd just stuck by Naruto the first few weeks. You'd think that wouldn't make a huge difference, but kids had carved out their own niches fast and it was proving hard to get past that. It was made even harder for us to become friends with any girls in the class not only because of my outburst but because Hiashi hadn't allowed us to sign up for the after-school kunoichi class, having Kyoko and Takara Hyūga, who was a former kunoichi, tutor us exclusively. I thought privately to myself that Hinata was probably seen as the weird quiet nice girl and I was seen as the weird not-as-quiet mean girl. That day at lunch wasn't the last time I grew easily frustrated at one thing or another my classmates did, though I didn't call names or get into another fight. Not only all that, but both of us had trouble sleeping at night and frequent nightmares, which did not help us be prepared for each new day.

I was grateful to see that Naruto was making headway in becoming friends with Kiba, at least.

I had almost forgotten about the main plot in the concerns of day-to-day existence. Then one day as we were waiting for Kō to come pick us up (Hiashi had long since stopped coming himself) I saw an unfamiliar and yet half-remembered face on a kid who came and got Sasuke. _Itachi. That's Itachi Uchiha._

"Where's Mom?" I heard Sasuke ask.

"Busy." Itachi said, and then they both left. His voice was surprisingly deep for a ten or eleven-year old.

It was well past time for me to do _something_ about that whole situation, if only I knew what. _Kill Danzo and Madara and maybe Fugaku? Ahahahah. No. Kidnap all the Uchiha kids and take them to an orphanage? Not feasible. Ummmm… _It took several days of thinking for me to hit upon even one idea that I could realistically _do at all_ that had to do with the Uchiha clan. I wasn't even sure it would help them feel better about the village, but it was all I could try. In a week it would be July, and July 1st to July 15th was the time to present Ochugen, or mid-year presents. Ochugen gifts were gifts of gratitude or indebtedness and were usually given to family members or teachers. I was indebted to the Uchiha clan for their role in discovering Hinata and I were kidnapped, helping retrieve us, and helping heal me. So I planned on giving two gifts: one to Fugaku Uchiha and one to Arata Uchiha, who I hadn't had the chance to see since the kidnapping. The fact that I would be giving something to non-clan members would be unusual, but I hoped that instead of being rude it would be seen as something of a special statement that the daughter of the Hyūga clan head was showing gratitude to the Uchiha clan. Unfortunately expense was important; it signaled the amount of indebtedness or gratitude felt and the importance of the relationship, and I didn't have any money. That meant I was going to have to work relatively quickly to make something really, really nice to give as a gift.

The only craft skill I had in any amount was drawing, so I settled on making a painted hanging scroll for each of them. A folding screen was another option, but that would be too big of a project and too daunting. I had three weeks at most to do this and between school and training not a lot of spare time. Luckily when I asked Kyoko to teach us traditional Japanese painting in our tutoring sessions she agreed. Painting is a lot harder than drawing, I soon learned. Painting with ink is really hard. A week passed and I could do nothing more than simple bamboo stalks and what could look like flames if you tilted your head to the side and squinted. After two weeks I was getting very frustrated. My birds were awfully blobby and my landscapes left even more to be desired. I was perfecting bamboo and that was about it. Kyoko picked up on my mood and asked me crossly,

"What are you so worried about? You don't need to learn this in a day."

"Yes I do." I answered as I tried to hold my brush steady. I really felt like stabbing the paper, but that would do no good. "I need to make two hangings for Ochugen."

Kyoko's hand closed around my small one, stopping my brush where it was and causing a blob to form. I struggled against my desire to stab _her _with the brush. That one had actually been looking kinda good! …For a five year old. My shoulders drooped. In hindsight I'd been insane to think I could do this.

"That's hopeless." She said bluntly. "You can't make something good enough in a week, not at the rate you're learning. Especially not two things."

"I know." I said in a small voice.

"But I can." She continued, smiling. My face broke into a grin.

"Really?" I asked, excited.

"Not two hangings." She said, giving me a look, "and nothing elaborate. It will have to be simple beauty. Now, tell me who it is for and why."

"Um, well…now I have to choose…" I thought about it. On the one hand giving something to Fugaku would have a bigger political impact, but on the other hand it was precisely for that reason I was nervous to choose him. Kyoko would probably refuse to do it if I told her she would be painting something for a clan head.

"Arata Uchiha." I decided. "He was the ninja who healed my eye and I wanted to give him something for helping save my life."

Kyoko's lips pinched into a thin line and for a minute I thought she would want to back out of that too. "That will need a personal touch, then. I'll have to find some part of the painting you can help with, as well as the wrapping. Perhaps you should write something. He'll know you didn't do it all by yourself, but I can take you to give it to him and we can tell him you helped."

I smiled again. "Thank you so much!"

Kyoko wasn't a master painter, but she certainly did a better job than I could do. I ended up writing a short and simple poem, which I wrote oh so carefully on the scroll and Kyoko bordered it on the bottom and up one side with beautiful ink flames. She did me the great favor of buying a relatively nice scroll case for it, as well as pastel yellow wrapping paper and ribbon. It was beautiful; far better than anything I could've come up with on my own.

000

As we walked through the Uchiha district we garnered quite a few stares and were stopped four times and asked what we were doing there. I was able to helpfully hold up my present as Kyoko explained. It worked in our favor, because we had to ask around a bit to try to find someone who knew Arata's address and how to get there. One of the people who stopped us provided that information. It was rather awkward though, and I guessed the fact that Hikaru Hyuga was giving an Ochugen gift to Arata Uchiha was going to be common knowledge around the compound by the end of the day.

Arata Uchiha did a double take when he saw us standing outside his door. Seeing him again after so long was a bit weird. I realized now that he was actually quite young, only in his early twenties from the looks of it. To be honest looking at his face suddenly brought up some less than pleasant memories and emotions.

"Hi!" I smiled, trying to quell my antsy-ness, "Remember me?"

"Of course Hikaru-chan! Please come in, both of you. Excuse me, you are..?"

"Kyoko Hyuga." Kyoko supplied.

Arata's apartment was small, but spotless. A medic would know the physical and emotional benefits of living in a clean space, of course.

"You must excuse me for not having refreshments. May I get you tea?" Arata said.

"Yes thank you." Kyoko accepted.

After we had all been settled and they were nursing cups of tea and I had apple juice Arata opened the conversation again.

"It's been quite some time Hikaru-chan, hasn't it?"

I nodded. "I'm sorry I haven't come to visit you earlier." I said, shifting uncomfortably. "I kept on hoping I'd see you in town."

He waved that off, "Don't worry about it, you were lucky to catch me at home! I just got back from a mission two days ago." He chuckled, "How have you been?"

"Well, thank you. I entered the Academy this April. It's been…fun. Sasuke Uchiha is in my class, he studies really hard and he's always excited for physical training."

Arata blinked at me. "He is, is he? He does seem like a cheerful kid. I was asking about you though."

I could feel the red creeping up my cheeks. "Uh, well. Class isn't hard, but making friends is. And throwing kunai and shuriken are hard, but I think that's from a lack of practice more than anything else. And on the first day of school I lost my spar against Shino Aburame because I didn't want to hurt his bugs and they distracted me and—" Kyoko put her hand on my head to forestall my babbling.

Arata laughed, "Seems like you're doing fine. Don't worry too much about making friends; sometimes it takes a while."

I made a face, "Usually not two months though, not in first grade."

"Eh," He floundered. Sometimes I didn't know when to keep my mouth shut. "Well, you shouldn't give up so soon. You never know what friends you can make if you keep trying."

"That's true." I smiled.

The conversation lapsed for a minute or so as we drained our cups. I reached under the low table we'd been kneeling at and brought out the wrapped scroll case.

"Kyoko-san helped me make this for you." I said. "I wanted you to know how grateful I still am for the night you healed me and helped me stay calm."

Arata took it from me with both hands. "Thank you, Hikaru-chan. I will treasure it."

He put it on the table beside him. We talked a few more minutes and then made our excuses and left. As soon as we were out of the house an uneasiness I hadn't been fully aware I was feeling lifted. Sometimes I didn't understand my own emotions. Whenever I thought about Arata I was nothing but grateful, and yet being around him had made me nervous? I shrugged it off; I was being silly.

"Thank you Kyoko-san." I said as we walked home. "I couldn't have done that without you."

"You're welcome." She said, "It's high time you learned some of the finer arts anyway. I can teach you more painting and I know Takara-chan is going to teach you about messages through flower-arrangements."

And then, after we had been walking a few minutes, "That was a good thing you did. It was honorable."

"I wanted to do more." I told her, "I wished I had the money to buy him something really nice, but…anyway, thank you."

"I'm sure he'll love it," she said, seeing straight through me, "you may feel like only the most expensive gift could show how grateful you are, but you are a little girl Hikaru-chan, and the fact you thought of this at all speaks highly of how much his actions mean to you."

000

The next day Hiashi had me come into his office before we left to go to school. We sat down.

"I heard about you giving a gift to Arata Uchiha." He said.

"I felt like I never properly thanked him after." I explained, "I wanted him to know I hadn't forgotten."

"I'm sure he didn't give it a second thought Hikaru, but it was thoughtful of you." He said. His lips drew into a thin frown, "but you've been throwing yourself headfirst into things you don't understand, without realizing it. You _need_ to stay away from the Uchiha compound."

"Why?" Why this, what did he know? "I'm not a child, please tell me."

"I _can't_" his voice began to rise, but he swallowed and forced it back down, "I can't tell you. Just stay away, that's an order. Now go on, or you'll be late for school."

I went, turning things over in my head. What was going on? Was the coup already being planned and did he _know _about it? Had he heard about my gift-giving from Kyoko? Or did he hear it from another source? What were people saying about it? Was it making any sort of difference? Why did I need to stay away from the Uchiha compound?

I couldn't answer any of those questions immediately and I had no time to ponder them as Takara (Kō was busy) hurried us to school.

**AN: **I got all my information about Ochugen from the internet. Also, Hikaru really can't do much of anything yet. She can't kill anyone or save anyone or anything, but she's trying to do the best she can with the limitations she has. See, one of the main themes in Naruto seems to be that if you are angry/awesome enough you can overcome anything. (Basically, if you have the Will of Fire, Will of Stone, or whatever, precious people to protect, etc you will magically get power-ups) Hikaru really _doesn't _believe that, because that's what her experience in life has led her to expect. And for now that is true for her. Doesn't matter how strongly she feels about something, she's five. She can't do anything. However, we'll see if she can overcome her doubts over time and if how the way Naruto's world works and her own inner world works will ever mesh.

**Review Responses:**

**Guest Reviews: **I had quite a few of these! Firstly, Thank you to any and all guest reviewers.

Secondly, to the person who commented about the realistic portrayal of characters and Hiashi and Hikaru's interactions, thank you thank you! This is what I'm shooting for and I'm so glad you like it.

Thirdly, to the person who asked about Hikaru having ptsd, the answer is yes she does but I'm trying to be subtle about it. She isn't going to have huge tics or a split personality or anything like that (or at least I'm not planning on it right now), but you'll notice she mentions having bad nightmares again in this chapter. And another symptom is having outbursts of anger which Hikaru is getting as a result as well. She knows something's going wrong with herself emotionally but doesn't realize she has ptsd because she's never been around anyone with it or thought about it, poor girl. I've tried to show her as being pretty cool-headed as a tip-off that her blowing up at Sakura wasn't something she'd normally do. (And actually, Hinata has ptsd too. I actually copied and pasted the symptoms of ptsd from a website and assigned both of them different symptoms that I think fit each of them best, but they both have bad nightmares.) I'm going to try to show how each of them are affected by it, but maybe sometime in the future I'll post my list to tell what symptoms I assigned to each of them.

Fourthly, to the guest who commented about the Branch House/Main House situation, thank you so much! I really didn't get how they worked so this cleared up a lot!

**Firefly070955: **Thank you so much! As for Hikaru's eye, I definitely don't plan on having things be too easy for her! Especially when she's little. She has a lot of weaknesses to overcome. I'm so happy you enjoy my version of Hinata. I think she is so adorable as a little kid and she has so many hardships she has to overcome. I love her. Hiashi is rather hard to get along with, isn't he? If only he trusted Hikaru enough to be more open with her about things then they'd get along much better, but as it is there's too much secrecy on both sides. Kakashi is one of my favorites too! :) I think he's the one I'm most nervous about writing well.

**Illogical Human: **Glad you agree about Hikaru's age! I know I just saw her and I was like "nope, no way she's ten there. This just doesn't add up." Also, glad to hear I'm making Hiashi's character somewhat sympathetic. (I'm guessing that's who you were talking about?)

**NightlyRowenTree: **You are welcome, as always!

**xKANAN: **Glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing!

**SasukexhinataxOC **and **PondRiverWilliams: **It's a little early to put on relationship goggles, but your reviews made me smile! :)

**534667lc: **Glad to have you read! Thanks for the review!

So, these review responses are getting a little long. I really like doing them because I think if someone comments on the story or asks something it's nice for everyone to get to see the answer, but I think from now on unless there's something I want everyone to be able to see I'll just respond through pm. Thank you so much everyone though! I love to read reviews and appreciate every single one of them!


	10. Chapter 10

**AN**: I'm really nervous about the reception this chapter will get. This story is pretty much going in the opposite direction than I had originally planned, and I give the reason in the AN at the end of the chapter. However, I'm actually really pleased by this chapter because I think my writing skill has improved a lot in the last few chapters and I hope y'all like it too.

Also, I have over 200 follows and over 100 fav's! *throws confetti* And I have over 50 reviews! I am so happy! As exciting as all this is though, I really, really should be focusing on school instead of writing this. *guilty* So I don't know when the next chapter will be up. If my willpower and focus cave it will be sooner rather than later, but we'll see.

000

I couldn't concentrate in school that whole week; too caught up in thinking about the whole Uchiha situation. I must've stolen glances at Sasuke at least twenty times a day, wondering if he had to become an orphan or if there was anything else I could do. My schoolwork would've suffered if not for Hinata, who was able to fill me in whenever I missed something important.

A couple weeks after that I was ridiculously grateful when Kakashi finally showed up at the memorial stone again. I'd decided I wanted to tell him about the whole Ochugen thing, and the anticipation of telling him had just grown and grown until I was ready to explode.

"Kakashi!" I burst out happily when he appeared.

His head jerked back a bit in surprise. Then he lightly whacked me in the back of the head. "Don't be so loud." He complained. "You sound like Gai."

I giggled at the comparison, unfazed. "Who's that? Never mind, I have something to tell you." Pretending ignorance wasn't my favorite thing to do, but necessary sometimes.

"What?" He asked warily, like he expected me to start shouting that I'd found the power of Youth. I guessed my being bubbly was a little out of character, since I wasn't usually when I came to think here.

I skimmed over the background, telling him just that Arata Uchiha had healed my eye when I was kidnapped. Then I went more into detail about how I had this crazy idea to paint him and the head of the Uchiha clan a wall hanging when I only had three weeks to learn and how in the end I couldn't but it all worked out alright in any case because I had help.

"I heard about that." He said, idly scratching at his mask, "So it was all your idea? What's got you so excited anyway?"

I sighed mournfully at him. "You are a total mood-killer. I wanted to tell you! Then you were gone for weeks and I was bursting at the seams."

He processed this and then smiled. "Don't you use that saying when a place is crowded, or you're really full?"

"You know what I meant!" I folded my arms. "Anyway, yes it was my idea. Who else's would it be?"

"They're saying around town that your father put you up to it as some sort of political move. That's one of the rumors anyway. You were only three when you were kidnapped, weren't you? Most people don't remember things from that age, much less the name of a person, even just two years later."

"Well, I do." I shuddered. "I never really got to tell him thank you. I mean, I did that night, but I wanted to tell him again afterwards and I didn't get to." I looked at the ground, mood sinking rapidly now that my thoughts had been drawn in a darker direction. "Even if I had forgotten, I dream about that night too often to really forget anything about it."

After a minute I felt Kakashi's hand hesitantly messing with my hair before resting on the top of my head. It trembled ever so slightly before becoming still.

"Sa…I know what that feels like."

My hair bunched up under his hand as I lifted my head to look at him. I reached my own hand up and hesitantly patted the top of his a couple times. I wanted to hold it, but I was afraid if I made a move to remove it he would take that as a signal to step away. He was studiously not looking at me, but he didn't move his hand. My heart broke for him. He was still just eighteen, and he was so closed up and vulnerable at the same time. I felt some of that same vulnerability myself. I didn't like to talk about what had happened, or think about it either. The feeling of his hand on my head was comforting, almost as good as a hug, so I stayed still and just closed my eye, appreciating it. Minutes passed before he took his hand away. I opened my eye and ran my fingers through my hair to straighten it out.

"Thank you." I told him.

He shrugged.

"Really," I said, "That helped a lot. It felt like.." I searched for the right word "..safety."

He nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. "You don't have to thank me."

"Ok." I said, casting around for a different topic. "How've you been?" I asked him.

"Busy." He said.

"With missions?"

"Yes." He said.

"Oh." I didn't overly mind his reticence. I was pretty certain he was in ANBU, so it wasn't like he could tell me anything even if he wanted to, and he probably didn't want to. We both let the conversation lapse.

Not too long after that I left and headed towards home. I didn't make it.

000

I woke up blind and panicked. My head was pounding and I felt nauseated. _I can't see I can't see. They took my other eye, nonono this can't be real! _Only after I blinked rapidly did I realize I must be blindfolded. I still had one eye. I was so grateful I started crying. Being completely blind was one of my nightmares and among my worst fears. I started to reach a shaking hand for the blindfold only for a voice to freeze me in place.

"Don't move."

_I'm going to die._

The blindfold was yanked from my head from behind and I found myself sitting in a chair across from Danzo Shimura. _Yep. Death is imminent._

"Hikaru Hyuga, it has come to my attention that you have the ability to see the future. Do not lie to me; is this true?"

"No." I said. There was little point in lying when my knowledge thus far had been so inaccurate.

"It is a good thing you did not lie to me." Danzo said, with deceptive mildness. "I know you come from another world. Hiruzen is sadly short-sighted in not utilizing you. Now, you will tell me several things immediately; we can go into more detail later. The first is what weaponry or power was available in your world, and whether or not it can be harnessed in this one. The second is what your occupation was."

"We used swords." I said, "knives, bows, spears. I was a student, I didn't have an occupation." He didn't know what he was asking. There was _no way_ I was going to tell him about guns or nuclear weapons or anything of the sort. I hoped that the fact I was talking about warfare as it was a long time ago would not be as noticeable as an outright lie, especially since he didn't already know the answer to check whether or not I was lying. The fact that I'd answered truthfully to the first question also helped.

"A student of what?"

"…my native language." How do you even explain an English major? Compared to a ninja society's focus of learning it was almost ridiculous. _Oh, well you see, I learned how to write papers and read books. No, I didn't die in elementary school. Yes, it does sound rather useless, doesn't it?_

I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he reached what must have been a similar conclusion. "You had no military experience?"

"No."

"Your family?"

"No."

His visible eye narrowed. "That is unfortunate."

I was sweating by this point. My mouth was dry, but I had the urge to swallow anyway. My head was still pounding.

"I see that what you know about your world will be less useful than I had hoped." He said. I hoped I gave no visible indication to my rising relief. He had bought that Earth had weaponry no more advanced or dangerous than what this world already produced. His next words soured that relief very quickly. "However, you will tell me one more thing. I promise you that if you lie I will cause you to suffer in ways I am sure you do not know." Danzo's eyes shifted to the person behind me and immediately a hand grabbed my head by the hair on my scalp and roughly yanked it back. It was a painful contrast to the comforting gesture Kakashi had offered me what felt like only minutes ago. I found my vision filled with the tip of a kunai, only an inch or so away. "Starting with the immediate removal of your other eye."

"Yes?" I couldn't stop myself from shaking.

"In that 'story' of yours, do I become the Hokage?"

If I wasn't being held up by my hair I would have slumped in my chair in relief that I could even answer. "Yes." I said, not even looking at him, transfixed by the kunai in front of me, "but I don't know anything more than that, like when or why or how. I hadn't read that far. I only heard that you did." There was little point in lying. It was most certainly the answer he wanted to hear, and since I didn't know any of the circumstances in the story that led to his being appointed it wasn't like I was helping him get there faster.

"I see." He said. There was silence. The tip of the kunai was perfectly still. My heart was racing, because torture and death were still two very real looming possibilities right now. I barely breathed for what was probably a full fifteen minutes.

"I had planned on killing you outright." He told me. "It is likely you will not survive anyway, but for that information I will allow you a small chance of life. You may yet prove useful, in a more conventional sense." The kunai withdrew and the hand let go of me. Then Danzo smiled, and it was terrifying. "Come here."

I slid off my chair to obey, but my legs simply refused to support me and I collapsed to the ground. I barely, barely managed to stop myself from throwing up.

"Get up." Danzo growled. Two hands grasped me under my arms and I was lifted into the air like a doll.

"Danzo-sama, she is still feeling the after-effects of the knockout agent we used. She can't." A male voice said. The man carried me over to Danzo and held me out to him at about eye level. Danzo formed a few seals and then reached forward and quickly pried my mouth open, pulled my tongue out, and touched it near the back with two fingers. "Sealing Jutsu."

Just like that, I became part of ROOT. It was one of my worst nightmares come true.

000

**Interlude: Hiashi**

Hiashi has mixed feelings about Hikaru, to say the least. She is completely unnatural for one. Some days he can't decide if her story is true. Being what she says she is; a dead woman trapped in the body of a child, would be bad enough. It may be she is an insane genius, extrapolating an impossible amount of information from who knows where and making up this story as a way to cope with it all. He doesn't know what to think, though most days he admits that she's probably telling the truth, disturbing though it is. He cannot forget what Kō told him, that if she hadn't been born his wife would've lived longer, and he would've had another daughter. If he dwells on that too long then he thinks she is a demon.

She certainly knows more than she should. Even though she seems to be a genius because of her age, in reality she is merely smart for her mental age. She is hard-working and fiercely loyal to Hinata, protecting her against any perceived threat, even himself. That is something he is proud of, when he is done being angry about it.

When he hears that she and Hinata and Kō have been seen talking to the jinchuriki he is immediately suspicious. Hikaru hardly talks to children on her excursions to town. He knows because he has her shadowed. Of course he wouldn't allow her to run around unguarded so soon after the kidnapping. He asks Tadao, a clansman who is a former ANBU, to guard her on her trips outside the compound. He knows she rarely goes to playgrounds; instead she either explores or goes to the memorial stone. He knows that Kakashi Hatake is the only person she socializes with on these trips.

Then he learns that after he left the dojo that one day Hinata has run off and Hikaru has gone after her. His heart freezes before he forces himself to calm down. It has been over a year since the kidnapping. There are no foreign ninja in town. Tadao will be shadowing them. Still, he sends Kō to fetch them. Then when Hinata comes running inside and he takes her to her room and asks what happened he learns that she has met Naruto Uzumaki, the jinchuriki. This day keeps getting worse. He knows exactly who the boy is, obviously. There was a Hyuga there that night when Minato and Kushina sacrificed themselves for their son. Lip-reading the advice they gave him left little doubt as to the relationship. He is torn between the fact that Minato doubtless would want for the boy everything that he wanted for his daughters, happiness and success, and the fact that no one quite knows how the seal works, how stable it is, what it does. It's been four years with no problems, but that doesn't change the fact that Naruto is a potential danger. Hinata, his darling, precious, (disappointing, but he doesn't think that now) Hinata, _must _stay away from him.

And then after he storms from the room to his office Tadao reports what he overheard Hikaru telling Kō, and what strange things Kō said back to her, about knowing things she couldn't know without another source, and about Kō agreeing not to tell him about the conversation. The day _cannot _get worse. He is forced to swear Tadao to secrecy and explain that his daughter is not a spy of some sort, she is reincarnated, and the Hokage already knows so he isn't to breathe a word of this to anyone. After Tadao leaves he is tempted to go to a training ground and punch through some trees. Hikaru knows that Naruto is a jinchuriki. She also apparently knows that he's going to be "an amazing ninja" someday. By now Hiashi's mood is so black he wants to haul her to T&amp;I immediately, but he possesses enough self-control to recognize he needs to calm down before making any decision on this or even thinking further on it.

Later that week the matter is brought forcefully to the forefront of his mind when he hears from Tadao that Hikaru and Hinata and Kō had stopped and chatted with Naruto in an otherwise empty park. He realizes, though, that this is comforting in a way. Hikaru would do anything to protect Hinata, but when they are both around Naruto she shows no sign of fear or concern. If she knew that there was even a possibility that the Kyuubi was going to tear its way free then she wouldn't let Hinata anywhere near him. This relieves his worries considerably. Naruto is not a threat. He decides to stay silent about it all. He now knows Hikaru doesn't trust him, and that she is keeping secrets from him, but she is right that they would get into an argument about it, one with too big a chance to be overheard. He is clan head, but he cannot possibly hope to keep Hikaru's situation a secret if his clan knows she knows about Naruto.

Still, it is suspicious that she latches onto Naruto as a friend. As he knows, she doesn't associate with other children. This suggests that Naruto has some importance in that "story" she knows. He may have even been her favorite "character." That is really the only reason he can think of why she would take such an interest in him. What else does she know about him? Does she know his parentage? There is little use speculating; over the months other concerns come to the forefront. There is far too much interest on Naruto and those he spends his time with. Dangerous eyes watch that boy. Danzo Shimura has begun making pointed remarks, interested inquiries about both his daughters, but Hikaru in particular has caught his interest. Hiashi is uneasy about him, he does not want the Hyūga clan to become ostracized like the Uchiha clan. Danzo Shimura has been quite outspoken in regards to _them_. His interest is not a good thing. And then Hikaru, overly intelligent but utterly foolish Hikaru, goes and gives an Ochugen gift to a member of that clan! Word reaches him in the evening from a clan member who talked to so-and-so who is a cousin of so-and-so who is a teammate to an Uchiha who saw them in the Compound and overheard their purpose there. Shinobi gossip travels fast and needless to say people have found the trip _highly _unusual and _noteworthy_. Some say he put her up to it, that it's a political move. Some say it is clear the Uchiha and the Hyūga are uniting. It is ridiculous how large and sensational the rumors become. They reason there is no way a five year old could remember the name of a man she met once two years before on that horrifying hectic day. He will be defending her and saying he did not know anything about the trip until afterwards all week and longer. They do not believe him. Hikaru is in the middle of it all, completely oblivious to the danger she keeps putting herself in. She is ignorantly self-destructive. He must control her. He must _stop _her. For her own safety. She may be headstrong and strange, but she is a good girl in the end.

His heart stops for a moment the day she disappears. August 12th. He does not forget. He does not forget how Tadao burst into his office, saying he followed her to the Memorial Stone as usual, watched as she and Kakashi had a conversation, watched her leave, and then on the way home, impossibly lost her. It is as though she vanished into thin air.

Kakashi Hatake, who had not even left the Memorial Stone yet, is brought into the Hokage's office immediately for hurried questioning and summarily dismissed. He showed no emotion throughout, but Hiashi watches with the Byakugan as his chakra betrays shock and a surprising amount of concern at the news, which convinces him of his innocence. Over the next few weeks his clan search _everywhere _they can. There are some places in the village shielded even from the Byakugan: ANBU headquarters, areas beneath the village, areas in the Hokage tower, but those of his clan in ANBU discreetly inform him that she has not disappeared into their ranks. It is those other, blocked off areas that he cannot see into that he is concerned about. He has heard about Danzo's shadowy special ANBU group, though nothing specific or concrete. Danzo Shimura seems far too smug around him for it to be anyone else who has taken her. He says that it is clear that Hiashi has been negligent with his daughter, that if he wanted to keep her safe he should've kept her more in line. He says that a shinobi who loses a child does not deserve to keep it. Hiashi wants to kill Danzo and tear the village apart looking for her. It is then he realizes that, impossibly, he really does care about Hikaru. He doesn't know why he cares so much. Perhaps it is pride; Danzo's self-satisfaction grates against him. Still, whatever it is, he makes a decision.

He doesn't know why Danzo Shimura is so set against the Uchiha clan. One rogue ninja does not make a whole clan suspect, or it should not. Still, the enemy of his enemy may be his friend.

"Fugaku, I believe Danzo Shimura has kidnapped my daughter. We need to talk."

000

**5 Years Later**

I was cleaning blood off of my kunai in a stream when my seal burned. I stood up immediately and turned my head towards my partner. He made a noise of confirmation. Emergency protocols had been called. Which ones could not be known until we returned to Konoha to determine the situation. We left immediately.

Two days later we were attacked entering ROOT headquarters. A Nara snared both of us in his shadow, but it was weaker than it should have been to immobilize me. I surged my chakra and broke free, jumping from the pillar to the walkway where he was standing, lighting up the area with a fireball jutsu and forcing him to dodge, causing him to drop the shadow possession he'd placed on my partner.

"Genjutsu: Piercing Spikes" My hands ran through the seals and the man stood stock still as the jutsu took hold. It bought me seconds, but that was all I needed. The kunai I threw at him, however, was diverted from its course by another kunai, and I heard my partner, who was fighting another assailant, cry out as it struck him. Before I could turn my Byakugan underneath the wrappings over my face to see where, a man barreled into me with a fist. Damage: three ribs broken on the right side, one pierced the lung. As we flew backwards I shot chakra straight into his heart in an overpowered version of the Gentle Fist, killing him immediately. I let the body fall to the side as I flooded the damaged area with chakra, numbing the pain.

Sounds of fighting: stopped. If my partner had won he would be clashing with the Nara, so he was not the victor. Partner status: Irrelevant.

Likelihood of winning injured against two opponents: slim

Retreating was the logical choice, but both of my opponents would get to me before I could leap back to the pillar and up and out. Capture was not acceptable. Capture would be punished.

I jumped onto the railing of the walkway, coughed, and let myself topple forward.

The woman who had fought my partner grabbed me before I had fallen more than four inches into the endless pit. For some reason I felt vaguely disappointed as she slammed me into the ground, but the feeling soon faded. The Nara captured me in his shadow again, adjusted to account for my strength this time. He needn't have bothered. I knew I was defeated. Cooperation was the most logical choice for now. I could escape later.

"Name." The woman demanded.

"Suté" I said. Danzo-sama had given it to me. It meant "forsaken."

"Suté, do you surrender?"

"Yes."

000

I was taken to an interrogation cell. The Nara and the woman left, and two different shinobi came in. The very first thing they did was place a chakra suppression seal on the back of my neck. Then they took away all of my weapons and most of my clothes. The only time I tried to stop one of them was when he reached for the wide black bandages I had worn since my second day in ROOT. At first they had been to hide my former identity and force me to learn to fight with only the slightest clues of scent, sound, and air patterns available. I only used my Byakugan when absolutely necessary, such as when I needed to read something. Now such reasons meant little to me, but I noted I was shaking in distress as the man knocked my offending hand away and sliced them off, cutting a thin line down my right temple as he did so. After he tugged the bandages away I was overwhelmed. The visual input was strange and almost meaningless. I blinked and saw the man's breathing quicken. His partner in the background was a woman placing a pile of my things outside the door. The man had brown hair. I stared at it.

"Y-you're Hikaru Hyūga." He said. I felt a jolt of an almost physical pain in my heart. My trembling increased. I was cold. Breathing was difficult. The woman whirled around and took one look at me, before beckoning to someone out in the hall. I heard her tell them to inform the Hokage that "we found her. She's alive." I noted that escape would be much more difficult if they had been looking out for me specifically.

"My designation is Suté." I said, still staring at his hair. Then I coughed into my arm. It came away speckled with blood.

"Nao, she's injured!" He said urgently, "She's coughing up blood!"

"I have" I coughed again, "three broken ribs on my right side. I think one has punctured my lung."

The woman came over and placed a glowing green hand on my skin. I saw bruises were already forming. Her chakra slid into me, healing the bones and my lung, before sliding out again. I took a tentative breath and then another stronger one.

"They were clean breaks," the woman told me, trying to make eye contact as I stared at a point on the wall beyond her, "you're fine."

I said nothing. They knew I could hear, so there was no point in acknowledging I had heard. Now that my ribs were healed, there was little difference whether the breaks had been clean or not. I had felt them heal, so it was unnecessary for her to tell me I was fine. The conversation, such as it was, was pointless. However, my chances of escape had now increased.

"We need to get someone else in here." She told her partner. "I don't know if we should start interrogating her as usual or not."

"No, you should not." A powerful voice said. A man with a black trench coat had entered the room. He was wearing a bandana headband, so I couldn't see his hair. I decided to stare at his buttons instead. "I'll take over from here."

The two shinobi hurriedly exited the room. The man walked around the interrogation table over to me and thrust a bundle of clothes at me. Black pants. White shirt. "Here, put these on."

I did so as he went and sat down on the opposite side of the table in the room. "Sit down." He said. I sat in the remaining chair. I stared at his buttons.

"Look me in the eyes." He ordered. I had been trained to obey orders. Disobedience was painful. Pain made completing missions harder. I must avoid pain, if possible. I must always obey orders.

I slowly let my gaze wander up and, afraid of what I would find there, looked him in the eyes.

After a minute I noted that I was crying. I did not understand.

"My name is Ibiki Morino. Who are you?" He said.

"I am Suté." The designation grounded me. I was Danzo-sama's tool. A foundling child that he had taken in and named. I stopped crying. That was better. Crying was distracting. I wiped my eye and went back to looking at the man's buttons.

I saw him nod, either to himself or to me it did not matter.

"Show me your seal."

I did so.

"How old are you?"

"I do not know."

"How long have you been in ROOT?"

"I do not know."

"What age were you when you entered ROOT?"

"I do not—" I hesitated. I knew this one, didn't I? No, I found I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember if I'd been four or five or six. Age and time were meaningless at this point. "…I do not remember."

He was silent for a minute. "What do you remember about your life before ROOT?"

I had stopped thinking about that time a long time ago. It was too painful, as far as I could feel pain. It was also pointless. I had lost myself in missions and training and physical pain as the days blurred together. I had let both of my lives go. Memories had blessedly faded. Feelings had quieted, and then died. Danzo-sama had given me a new identity. It was easier.

Perhaps you think that would be impossible, but the truth is memory is very fickle. Your brain doesn't even record things that you don't actively think are important. When you set down your keys and later think "If only I could remember where I put those!" you are trying to pull up a memory that doesn't exist. Other moments are automatically burned into your brain, but they still need to be replayed to be remembered, so that your thoughts wear the neurological thought pathway a little deeper with each remembering. If you don't, those pathways deteriorate. New ones with higher priorities take their place.

I realized that Ibiki was still waiting for my answer. "I…remember some people. The Hokage, the Hyuga clan head and his heir, the Yamanaka clan head, Ko Hyuga, Kakashi Hatake. I do not remember events." I felt nothing as I said their names and titles. "Except for losing my eye. I remember that."

"Stay here." He said unnecessarily as he rose from his seat. He went to the door and beckoned another ninja into the room. He whispered something to him that I didn't bother listening to and left. The new man sat down. I stared at the table. I realized I did not want to see anyone I knew from before. It would be inconvenient. Going on a mission would be better. However, it did not truly matter whatever happened.

It was unfortunate that he had ordered me to stay here. It contradicted Danzo-sama's orders, and his orders superseded all others. With my chakra suppressed and no weapons, escaping was going to be difficult, but I had no choice but to try. I stood up, bent backwards and grabbed my chair by the back, then straightened out and hurled it at the man. He body-flickered away and slammed into me as I vaulted over the table. I had time to note my greatly decreased strength and reflexes as I tried and failed to shoot chakra into his heart and then again, when he blocked my attempt to break his neck. Then he slammed my head into the wall.

000

**Hokage's Office**

Ibiki entered the room to find Hiashi Hyuga already there. He nodded respectfully at the man.

"I was told you'd found Hikaru-chan. Is this true?" Hiashi asked him. The man had aged ten years in the last five. Ibiki wished he had better news for him.

"Hokage-sama, Hiashi-sama." He greeted them both in turn before turning to Hiashi. "We have found a child who is almost undoubtedly your daughter." He held up a hand to forestall any outbursts. "However, she insists her name is Suté. She does not know how old she is or that it's been five years. She does not remember how old she was when she was kidnapped. She killed one of the shinobi in the team that captured her. When she saw she was about to be captured she attempted to commit suicide with no hesitation. She says she remembers a few people, and referred to you, your other daughter, the Hokage, and Inoichi-sama by title and to Kō Hyūga and Kakashi Hatake by name. She says she does not remember events before entering ROOT other than losing her eye." He stopped there to let both men process that for a few minutes. "She avoided all eye-contact unless ordered. If her seal is like the others, then as you know, in addition to any conditioning, she has been influenced mentally and emotionally to be loyal to Danzo Shimura and feel little to nothing else. To be honest, she is also one of the worst cases among the children I have seen. The seal helps the brainwashing process along, but it doesn't do everything on its own, especially if you fight it. From her condition, she stopped fighting it long ago, if she ever did." Left unspoken went the insinuation that this didn't speak well of her mental state even before the seal was placed.

"Thank you Ibiki, if you would wait outside for a few minutes?" Hiruzen said wearily.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." He exited the room. A certain amount of tension, which had lessened at his arrival, flared up again.

"You know what the best course of action is, Hiashi. She should be rehabilitated in ANBU with the other children."

If it were some other man, a civilian man, there would have been protests. Insistence that the best place for his daughter was at home. Hiashi was a ninja, however, and he knew the picture that Ibiki had painted for them of his daughter's mental state was bleak. He nodded.

"I want to see her, and I want her to have the option of sleeping at home."

"So you're making requests now? It's good to know you still respect me that much." Hiruzen said harshly.

"I did what I had to do to rescue my daughter, Hiruzen-sama, and you know that. Danzo—" Hiashi started.

Hiruzen held up a hand. "We've been through all that before. I don't want to hear it. You may see your daughter and she may have the option of sleeping at home. I don't think that would be wise, however. She would probably be a danger to the rest of you house."

Hiashi conceded the point with a nod, but did not retract the request. He turned to leave.

"Hiashi." Hiruzen said.

"Yes?" He turned back.

"Thank you for convincing Fugaku that I was not his enemy. If anything good has come from this whole mess, it is that we found a relatively peaceful solution to it all. I do not think Konoha could have stood the loss of either one of your clans."

Hiashi nodded again and left. He conversed shortly with Ibiki and then they both left the Hokage tower together.

000

I awoke chained to the chair. A medical ninja was healing my head injury. The man who knocked me out was gone. Ibiki was back. There was another man in the room who I refused to look at. After the doctor left, Ibiki spoke up.

"Your name is Hikaru Hyuga. You were kidnapped by Danzo Shimura when you were five years old and you are now ten years old. I have been instructed to inform you that Danzo Shimura has been tried and convicted of treason. He is to be executed in a week. You will be transferred to ANBU to help reintegrate you back into ninja society. You will have the option of sleeping at home or in the ANBU barracks. After two years you will be reassessed and either stay in ANBU or be transferred to a genin team."

I stayed silent.

"Hikaru-chan, look at me." The Hyuga clan head commanded me. This order was very difficult. He had not used my proper designation, but the order was clearly directed at me. I forced myself to look at him, at his clothes, at his hair, into his eyes. My heartrate had sped up, but beyond that I did not experience emotional imbalances or cry. My training helped me.

"Do you want to come home?" He asked.

My eyes slid back to Ibiki's buttons, familiar territory. "My opinion does not matter." I said stiltedly. "I was assigned room G in ROOT headquarters. I do not have a home."

"I see." He said stiffly. "She may stay in the barracks, at least at first." This was directed towards Ibiki, who nodded. Then he left.

-0-

Hiashi Hyuga was not a man who cried outwardly, but a person who knew him well could have seen his heart aching as he went home and broke the news of Hikaru's condition to his elder daughter Hinata. Hinata herself sobbed in his arms and for once he did not begrudge her a single tear.

-0-

I had to give Ibiki a debriefing of the missions I had done for Danzo-sama, and then he took me to a cell where I would be kept until Danzo-sama was executed. I was chained to the bed. I ate. I slept. Danzo-sama was executed a week after that. My seal disappeared. I wondered why I felt like crying.

000

**AN: **I hope that Kakashi isn't OOC here. I felt it was an appropriate amount of emotion for him to show.

I thought briefly about having her be knocked unconscious again after Danzo interrogated her and then wake up as part of the Edo Tensei and being all like BAHAHAHAHA How's THAT for a plot twist! The biggest timeskip ever! But I decided there was no future in that direction.

Also, you might notice that I'm completely writing this by the seat of my pants. I have almost zero long term plans and the ones I do have are subject to continuous change. Everything I say in AN's or Review Responses regarding the future and/or developing parts of Hikaru's personality should be taken with a grain of salt. i.e. in one of my RR's last chapter I said Hikaru has outbursts of anger as part of her PTSD. Now in this chapter she becomes an emotionless girl. So the whole anger thing…went nowhere. I had plans to take that somewhere. My plans got derailed. HALP My characters control the plot.

I just have this thing where I am almost continuously thinking "Realistically, what would happen next? How would everyone act at this point?" And sometimes the characters act in ways I expect and at other times they don't. In this chapter Danzo reminded me that he existed and was just "You are overlooking how evil and smart I am. If you want this to be realistic, this is what I would do at this point. I should've already found out about her and taken action, in any case."

The interview was dicey territory, and I rewrote it a couple times. I'm still not sure how realistic it is that she lived through it. However, if she didn't then it would be a very short story. So, she did. (Ok, to be honest, she totally should've died. But I didn't want that to happen. I do have some control over my characters, after all.) Everything that followed after that just flowed out as a natural result of what she's been through. As a side result, did I just stop the Uchiha massacre? Why yes, yes I did. I was rather surprised by that myself. Do I have ANY idea of what I am doing? No, not at all. (Advance warning: I may or may not go back and change this later. I think at this point I need to sit down and plot out an actual plot. If I can't figure out a way to go from here or what the ramifications will be, then I will edit this chapter accordingly.)

How would Danzo have found out? Well, there were ANBU guarding the room when Hiruzen, Inoichi, and Hiashi were discussing Hikaru and her knowledge. There is a file on her in the Hokage tower. Danzo gets interested in Hikaru and has his plants in ANBU ask around about her and find any files on her, and succeeds in teasing out the information.

The stuff about how memories work was explained to me once by a friend. I think I'm remembering correctly how it was described.

**Reader Response:**

**Cheifnewo: **Thanks for the correction! I'll go back and fix that sometime. She had troubles with shurikens just because they are so weird. Kunai are at least like knives and learning to throw them is mostly straightforward, but I imagined with shuriken there's more of a feeling of "how do I even hold these without cutting myself?"

**Wolftitan: **I had thought about that in regards to canon, and the only conclusion that I could come up with was that they either had a couple specific kids picked out they were going to give Hinata's eyes to, or more likely they were going to use her as a brood mare when she got a little older (as well as stealing her eyes). However, since in this case the rescuers were catching up they decided that they'd take what they could get and started extracting them.

**Skywiseskychan: **Hi! Thanks for your review! Hiashi doesn't want to have false information influence his decisions. In the anime the kidnapping happened at night, there was only one kidnapper, he didn't make it out of the compound, etc. There were actually a lot of differences which would've been absolutely disastrous without the Uchiha police who discovered they were missing almost right away. Otherwise it would have been several more hours before they were discovered missing and then it would've been too late. He's afraid that if he thinks he knows the future that he'll be lulled into a false sense of security at other times when he should actually be on his guard. He does feel guilty, but he still doesn't think her knowledge will be helpful.

**Guests: **Thank you all! I'm glad you're enjoying it!


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: **So I'm still thinking about the Uchiha Massacre. I've worked out some of the kinks of what would be different as a result but not others, but either way, it happening or not happening, doesn't really affect this chapter so I thought I'd go ahead and post it.

Taicho means captain, senpai literally means upper classman, like a freshman would call a junior "senpai," but in the case it's used I think it means more like "more experienced comrade." Daijōbu="You ok?" I just thought it sounded better where I used it than the English.

70 reviews. *tears of joy* Reviews are love.

So, I was certain I would take some time off to focus on school, but I was so excited I couldn't stop writing. Grades, who needs 'em?

000

Inoichi Yamanaka came by to check up on me. He sat down on the cell's single chair.

"Hello Hikaru-chan."

I leaned my head back against the wall and looked at the ceiling. It seemed I was just going to have to get used to going by my old name again. It was as though everyone was trying to erase the past five years. Ridiculous. Speaking of which, it was both hard to believe but entirely plausible that it had been that long. Danzo-sama hadn't let me go outside for a long, long time. I had lost all sense of time then, not having a way to scratch lines in the tiny room I had lived in, nor enough light to see them by if I had. If I had to guess now, based on the fact that I'd spent a longer amount of time going on missions than trapped inside, I'd say that he'd kept me in the dark for two years.

"We're all relieved you're safe and sound, Hikaru-chan. Your kidnapping shook your classmates up quite a bit, including Ino-chan. I know Hinata-chan can't wait to see you again."

"Seeing her…" I trailed off, not certain how I could explain or why I'd even started to speak. Seeing her again would be pointless. Family connections didn't matter. Nobody mattered except Danzo-sama. And he was— I rocked my head back and forth in an approximation of shaking my head no.

"Yes?"

I sighed. "Nothing."

"Do you want to talk about anything at all?"

"No."

I heard him sigh. "You've been through a lot, Hikaru-chan. You shouldn't keep things bottled up. It's important to talk about what you've been through. You might be feeling conflicted right now; the seal on your tongue influenced your loyalties and emotions and now you have to deal with the fact that it's gone, that you still have a family, that you're free. You need to know that none of this, none of what you've been through, none of what you may've done even, is your fault. Danzo Shimura trained you, you may even feel that he protected you, helped you grow, but the fact is that he manipulated you. Once you start talking about everything, we can help you sort it out so that you can move on."

My eyes narrowed as he talked, but I couldn't sum up the energy to protest, even when he accused Danzo-sama. "There is nothing to talk about."

I heard him shift in his seat. That chair was quite uncomfortable. I just sat on my cot all the time. "Listen, Hikaru-chan, I know that this must be incredibly difficult for you. I need to get a picture of what you've been through if I'm to help you, and Hiashi-sama has given me permission to mind-walk you if necessary. I'd really rather not do that, because in the best case the healing process should start with you, but I will if I have to."

"Go ahead." I said. I didn't see any point in talking about anything, but if he wanted to know then he was free to look.

"What?"

I lowered my gaze from the ceiling and stared at the wall by his left ear. "I said go ahead. I have no objections of you obtaining my psychological profile that way."

"That's not the point, Hikaru-chan." He said gently.

I felt a spark of annoyance. I wished he would stop repeating that name. I'd heard it the first time. "I do not care."

He took a few minutes to think about it. "Alright then. It will be more comfortable for you if you lie down. This will take a few hours and while you won't notice that time, your body will."

I lay down obligingly as he pulled his chair a little closer. He rapped on the cell bars and the guard on the opposite wall came over.

"Did you make a note of that?"

"Yes, Yamanaka-sama. I'll inform Ibiki-san of what it is you're doing if he comes by while you're working."

"Good."

The guard went back to his post.

The last thing I remembered was Inoichi's glowing hand descending.

When I woke up Inoichi was writing on a piece of paper on a clipboard he must've acquired from someone. I tried to sit up, but he reached over and gently pushed me back down.

"Not just yet. You'll get dizzy. Give yourself ten minutes."

"Well?" I asked. Knowing his assessment of me would be helpful. He was going to try to weaken my ties to Danzo-sama, that much was obvious, and if I knew what else he thought of me and was going to try and change it would help me reinforce those areas of my psyche.

"Not just yet." He repeated, still writing. "This is going to help me prescribe you some medicine, and it will help me know where you're coming from, but eventually it will all still have to come from you. I'm not going to tell you you have such-and-such problem until you're more ready to acknowledge it yourself." I tried to read what he was writing, but it was a shorthand code that I didn't know, so that yielded nothing. "How are you feeling? Any nausea, dizziness, fatigue, headache?" He asked.

I took a moment to take stock of myself. "No."

"Good. Let a guard know immediately if you feel anything more than even a little dizzy." He stood up. "I'll get back to you with some pills for you to take in a couple days."

I turned my head to the wall. The conversation was over.

000

Inoichi went first to Ibiki to have a quick conversation with him, then to the Hokage tower to file his report and collect some information and then, as a result of what he found, to Kakashi Hatake's apartment. He rapped smartly on the door.

Kakashi was home, to Inoichi's relief. His visible eye widened in surprise when he saw who was standing in front of his door.

"Inoichi-sama?"

"May I come in?"

"Yes, of course." Kakashi ushered the other man inside and made them both a pot of tea.

"To what do I owe this visit?" Kakashi asked after they sat on the floor at his low table.

"I gathered that you volunteered to show Hikaru-chan around ANBU headquarters tonight."

Kakashi nodded, looking a bit awkward. "I thought it would be better for her to see a familiar face at first. From what I've heard, she isn't doing well is she?" What he couldn't tell the other man was that he'd also had some experience with a former ROOT member, but what he'd said aloud was his main reason anyway.

"No, she isn't." Inoichi told him grimly. "That's what I've come to talk to you about. I just finished a mind reading session with her."

"Oh?" Kakashi leaned forward, tea cup forgotten in his hands.

"I profiled, or oversaw the profiling, of the other ROOT kids too," Inoichi started "and I have to tell you that these kids on the whole are beaten down. The younger ones who hadn't gotten the seal yet have quite a bit of life and energy in them, actually, but those with the seal are a lot more subdued. Hikaru-chan…is quite a bit worse than that."

Kakashi's fingers gripped his cup tighter. Over the course of the year and a half or so that he'd known her, Hikaru had grown on him more than he expected. She reminded him a lot of himself, for one thing. She also didn't bother him when he didn't feel like talking and she'd even made him smile on occasion. He'd had nightmares about her after she disappeared. Just like Rin. He'd been right there and he'd failed to stop it.

"The seal was one that influenced emotions, yes, but it mainly encouraged loyalty to Danzo. It didn't cause the extent of what mental damage she has. I hate to say it, but she's a mess, Kakashi. I went through her memories as far back as I could and it looks like she was showing signs of PTSD before she was kidnapped as a result of losing her eye. That, untreated, and on top of what she went through at the beginning in ROOT, caused her to actively try and smother her own emotions. She succeeded a little too well. There's…" He waved a hand around vaguely "…a lot going on in her head. I would say that she should be pulled from any active duties, but unfortunately I think that would just make things worse. She needs purpose."

Kakashi swallowed. "What can we do?"

"I wish I could tell you. Step one would be helping her feel and open up, but that's easy to say and hard to do. The reason I'm telling you all this, however, is because for some reason, besides Hinata, the memories of the person she used most to try and stay grounded were of you. Not her father, not her cousins or any other family member. You. I'm thinking that you and Hinata are going to be the ones most likely to be able to reach her. And right now, she isn't ready to see Hinata."

Kakashi's shoulders hunched up. "This is…"

"I know." Inoichi said sympathetically. "It's not looking good. I know it's a lot to put on you as well, especially since you aren't even in ANBU anymore. If you can spare any time to spend with her, though, or if you know who her captain will be and can explain things so that he can know what's going on, then that will help her."

Kakashi nodded. "I'll do that."

"Thank you." Inoichi drained his cup. "I've got to go. Thank you for the tea."

"Don't mention it."

000

Some hours later I sat on the bed in my cell and stared blankly at the opposite wall, still trying to process what had happened. Danzo-sama was dead. He had given me purpose. Now I had none. There was no one to help me reinforce the training he had given me. I was aware that at some point I might start feeling emotion again, and that thought brought me closer to terror than anything else had brought me in a long while. The most I could feel now were like echoes or shadows of true feelings. Whispers. My strongest emotion was loyalty to Danzo-sama and a desire to perform missions well. My life was quiet and calm. Emotions were loud and inconvenient. I tried to confront the problem and remind myself of what emotions were by casting my thoughts back to the way life had been before, but as always my thoughts shied away from all of that. Those memories weren't safe. They weren't helpful.

I remembered that at the beginning of my training I had still felt emotion. I had been weak then, imperfect, volatile. After I had let my emotions fade I had gotten much better. I remembered suddenly that there had been something I used to say to myself over and over again to try and hold onto those emotions. "I love Hinata. Hinata needs me to stay strong." I tried to say those words now, test how it felt to shape them, but they simply would not come out. They died before they reached my throat. They held no meaning. I did not know why I'd tried to say them in the first place. Besides, there was a guard outside watching. It would be inconvenient for him to question me if I spoke. Speaking, really, was inconvenient too. It took too much effort. Eating was inconvenient, but I needed food in order to maintain my physical condition and complete missions to the best of my ability. Hunting and cooking were very inconvenient, but they were sometimes necessary for eating. I realized my thoughts were wandering. That was inefficient. I should be thinking of how to escape. How best to obey Danzo-sama's ord—

No, there was no point in trying to remember how I had been. I was best as I was now.

Ibiki Morino came in and unlocked my chains. I hadn't felt him coming, because my chakra was suppressed, but more concernedly I hadn't heard him either. I noted that ever since my capture I had been operating very inefficiently. If I had been so lax at ROOT headquarters or on a mission I would be killed. I knew I felt most alive either when I was on a mission or in Danzo-sama's presence, but that had all been taken away from me. My thoughts were sluggish. I recognized this and yet I did not care.

Ibiki was watching me silently. "Stand up and turn around." He said.

I obeyed.

He undid the seal on the back of my neck. Immediately my thoughts started to clear as I felt chakra circulating more normally throughout my body. I could sense Ibiki's chakra, dark and smooth, beside me. I blinked and straightened. Of course I should care about my performance levels. I needed to find a way I could help fulfill Danzo-sama's vision. D-Danzo—no, he was dead. He was—what was he? Really? What purpose would following him now be? No, I _mustn't _think like that. That was traitorous.

"Come with me."

He led me through the darkened streets of Konoha. It was nighttime, and there were only a few people out who we avoided. I found the darkness comforting.

"We're taking you and the other children to ANBU headquarters one at a time." He said quietly as we walked. "To draw less attention. The younger ones who hadn't been sealed yet we were able to take to orphanages or their parents."

I had not even thought about the others. They were none of my concern. Ibiki was looking at me, but it was dark and I was out of practice reading facial expressions in any case. I wondered if he was expecting some sort of response.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, entering a building and going down a long staircase to a grey open area that had a grey stone building at the other end. There was a man in a mask waiting at the entrance. My heart stuttered at the sight of him.

"Glad to see you aren't late, Wolf." Ibiki said.

"Who are you talking about? I'm never late." Kakashi said blithely.

Ibiki cracked a smile. "Right. Of course not." He looked back at me, I had stopped walking a couple feet before him. "Wolf is going to show you around." The invitation to come forward was clear.

I walked forward until I was level with Ibiki. "Here is your charge. I know introductions aren't necessary. I'll leave you to it." He left, only pausing at the bottom of the stairs for a backward glance.

Kakashi walked up to me slowly, closing the distance between us until he was arm's length away.

"Do you know who I am, Hikaru-chan?" He asked.

I cleared my throat. "Yes, Wolf-san," I paused and then added "Kakashi-san." Just so he would know I actually remembered his name.

Then, very slowly, as though I were a wild animal who might bolt away, Kakashi reached out a hand and placed it on the top of my head.

_Kakashi placed a hand on my head, messing with my hair and then letting it tremble and then lie still. _

_Sa…I know what that feels like._

I almost collapsed as I was hit with a memory I had repressed, of Kakashi mussing my hair and holding his hand on the top of my head right before I'd been kidnapped. I trembled violently under his hand. We stood like that for several minutes. I was cold, all except the spot he was touching.

"Do you remember?" He asked softly.

"Yes." I half-gasped, half-whispered. This was, this was…not as though my time in ROOT had never happened. Oh no. I wasn't feeling anything except cold and shaking. But it was a spider-thread thin line to something. The past, my feelings, or just Kakashi, I didn't know. I didn't want the former two and wasn't certain how I felt about the latter. But _it was all I had_. Danzo-sama was dead. I had no direction, no connections, no emotions. _I have nothing else but this._

Kakashi started to take his hand away, and without thinking I grabbed it with both hands and pressed it to my head. His hand twitched in surprise, but he let it be. After a few more minutes he tugged gently at it.

"You're cold. We need to get you inside and settled."

I was cold, but that wasn't the reason I was shaking. I managed to let go of his hand, somehow, and let my arms drop to my sides. I took several deep breaths to calm myself down. _This _was the exact sort of thing I had been dreading. This _vulnerability_. It was detrimental to my performance. If Kakashi wanted me to show my abilities right now then I would perform severely under my true capabilities. Moments before, I hadn't wanted it to end. Now I saw it for the weakness it was. I found my center and stopped shaking.

I couldn't stop myself from shuddering as he took me by the shoulder and guided me inside. He gave me a set of small ANBU armor, the standard ANBU tanto, and a bird mask already painted with blue markings.

"I've been retired from ANBU for a year now, but I asked to bring you in. Your captain, who you'll meet tomorrow morning, is a man I trust. He'll help you." He told me quietly as we walked past rows of doors to stop at one labeled "9." He opened the door, there were six bunkbeds inside, as well as small chests at the base of each bunk bed, two chests of drawers, and two desks. All in all it was larger than I'd expected. The nearest bottom bunk was already occupied by a man lying on top of the covers reading. A lamp was on. Kakashi walked inside, taking off his mask and running a hand through his hair. I followed and paused, uncertain of where to place the equipment I'd been given. I assessed the man, who looked to be around twenty years old. Any member of ANBU was automatically a high threat level, which made me wary of him. He looked up at me and gave a little wave.

"Tenzo, what are you doing here? You have an apartment. You weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow." Kakashi sounded exasperated.

"I thought I'd greet my new team member, senpai."

Kakashi said to me. "This is Tenzo, your captain. There's only three of you for now. Yugao sleeps at home, like a sensible person. As do I, most of the time."

"Oh, are you going to join us tonight?" Tenzo asked.

Kakashi looked at me sidelong. "Yes."

Tenzo made a noise of understanding. "That's nice, senpai. I'm sure we'll all get along."

Kakashi rolled his eyes, then turned to me. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

I nodded. I'd had dinner, but the portions had been smaller than what I needed to stay in shape.

Kakashi turned back to Tenzo, "You may as well make yourself useful, while you're available. She needs to get registered and tattooed, so while you do that I'll go find a take-out place that's still open and get us some food."

"Sure." Tenzo put his book down and stood up. He looked me up and down. "I didn't catch your name, what was it?"

Kakashi stayed silent, waiting to see how I would answer. I felt a hint of frustration. Tenzo had to have already known the name of the Hyūga girl standing before him. Both of them were assessing me to see if I would identify myself with the name people had called me my first five years of life here. I would not. That was not who I was.

"My name is Suté." I said.

Tenzo nodded slowly. "Did you choose it?" He asked.

"No. Danzo-sama gave it to me."

"Hmm. Danzo gave me a name too, but I chose another one." Tenzo told me.

I did a mental double-take. This man was a ROOT agent? I didn't recognize him. He could not be a ROOT agent. He was far too relaxed so soon after Danzo's death. Tenzo's apparent state of mind did not make sense. If he was a ROOT agent, however, then he could help. He could help me maintain my training. There was only one logical possibility. This man must've been a long-term plant in ANBU. He was an extremely good actor who had gained Kakashi's trust, despite Kakashi _knowing _he was an agent. I could not even sense a coldness inside his chakra common to almost all ROOT members, but it had to be there. The name questioning was a test, yes, but for him it must've been to see if my loyalty to Danzo was already wavering.

They had both noticed me tense up. Kakashi reached out a hand to place on my shoulder, but I stepped away. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than for him to leave the room, so that I could speak to Tenzo alone. That little spider thread of something, whatever it had been, snapped in two. It was irrelevant. I forced myself to relax.

"It is nice to meet you." I said, trying to slide into a more casual persona. It had been a little while since I'd been on an infiltration mission and in my shaky state of mind it was going to take a bit to get into that mindset, especially since I wasn't dressed for a part or with a changed appearance through henge or genjutsu. Now though, now I had an ally to emulate.

Tenzo gave me and then Kakashi a look. "You go get that food, senpai. We can talk more later."

"Mmm." Kakashi said. "See you." He body-flickered away.

I immediately put myself into a bow. Clearly Tenzo outranked me in ROOT.

"Tenzo-taicho, what do we do?"

He flapped his hands at me, "No need for that. First we get you registered."

I straightened up. "I don't mean about that," I said, "how have you maintained your training when undercover for so long?"

"Oh. Ah." Tenzo put a hand on the back of his neck, "I left ROOT _years_ ago, Suté-chan. Kakashi-senpai helped me out. Now I get to return the favor with you."

It was like expecting a hug and then being stabbed. Or receiving a punch to the gut. It shocked me out of my numbness, a little.

"How is that _possible_?" I said, voice rising. "_How could you just leave?_" He'd betrayed Danzo-sama. It was unimaginable. I unsheathed the tanto and threw the rest of the equipment across the room, away from both of us, much as it pained me to mistreat equipment that way. Tenzo had put his hands out in front of him both to placate me and get ready to fight. I don't think he expected me to turn the blade on my stomach. "Why?" My voice wavered unpleasantly. "What other way was there, than this?" I bowed my head, sword wavering even though I held it with both hands. "What point is there to anything, but surviving and doing what he wanted?" How could he have just left ROOT? What other reason was there to live? What other recourse was there, but death?

"Suté-chan!"

I took the blade away from my stomach and let it hang in one hand at my side. "You don't need to worry." I said flatly. "I would never kill myself." My hand gripped the hilt tighter. I wanted to kill him. He deserved death for leaving voluntarily. I had the feeling that he was far out of my league, but at this point I wouldn't mind dying to take him with me.

He eyed me warily, hands still held out. His sleeves were bulging slightly with something I couldn't see. I would have to avoid his arms and hands then, or preferably cut them off as soon as possible. "To answer your question," he said "as I said, I had help. Kakashi-senpai and the Hokage helped me leave. I made friends."

"Friends." I said, still flatly. "That's nice." The concept was laughable. Making friends while in ROOT. I couldn't even begin to communicate how ridiculous that sounded.

"Yes," Tenzo said patiently, "friends. People who valued me. People who did kind things for me even at personal cost. And I did the same for them."

"Oh. Well. I had friends. On infiltration missions. Most of the time, I ended up killing them."

This conversation was pointless. I took a deep breath, readying myself. Then Kakashi, with the worst timing ever, reappeared in the room with two bags in each hand. He took both of our stances, me with my sword and Tenzo with whatever he had up his sleeves, and set the bags on the ground.

"Put the sword down, Hikaru-chan." He said.

I let the sword fall to the ground with a clatter. I couldn't kill Kakashi as well. He was too powerful.

Tenzo straightened up, the bulges underneath his sleeves disappearing. He looked at Kakashi. "She didn't take the news that I left ROOT very well." He sounded disappointed.

"Ah. I wondered why you were still here and not getting her tattoo done yet." Kakashi said faux lightly. Then he clapped his hands together. "We're going to eat, and get all the paper work out of the way, and then I think Hikaru-chan and I are going to have a spar."

Tenzo and I both looked at him with varying degrees of incredulity. Kakashi beamed back at us.

000

Midnight found us all in an empty training field.

Tenzo was sitting in a tree at the edge of the field. Kakashi and I were facing each other some distance away. We were only about ten feet away from each other. Kakashi had his headband up, but kept his sharingan eye closed. I had my Byakugan turned on.

"Alright Hikaru-chan, come at me with the intent to kill."

It was, sadly, far easier to think of him as just a target than even I'd expected. I let my killing intent spread out and fill the air. "As you wish."

We both blurred forward.

I opened with a fireball jutsu, forcing him underground. I tracked his movements with my Byakugan. When he burst out of the ground I jumped backward, watching as he rose amidst flying chunks of earth. I didn't hesitate, flying forward and punching him hard enough to tear a hole through his chest. His image tore apart as the log of wood shattered. I shook my arm free of clinging splinters while ducking a punch aimed at my head.

Kakashi was _fast_. His follow-up kick exploded through a log I replaced myself with in the nick of time. I ended up near Tenzo and took a moment to assess things. Genjutsu would be useless with his sharingan and I didn't know any ninjutsu that would stop him. If I could shut down his tenketsu points then I'd have the advantage. The problem was I'd have to touch him first.

Now, how to surprise a man who's supposedly seen it all?

I ducked by some instinct as a kunai whizzed overhead. "Don't dawdle now." Kakashi said cheerfully, appearing behind me. Little known fact: Gentle fist can be used from any tenketsu point on the user's body. Hands are easiest, but not the only option. I elbowed him, shooting chakra into his side and disabling two tenketsu points there. He grunted, and I used the opportunity to kawarimi away again.

And thus began our game of cat and mouse, and I was definitely the mouse. Ninja battle tactics consist of quite a few principles, including but not limited to: Don't be where you opponent thinks you are, come at them from an angle they don't expect. If an opponent makes no attempt to hide their position, they are either over-confident or very powerful, and you should find out which one it is very quickly. Kakashi wasn't making any attempt to hide himself, (though, with my Byakugan, it wouldn't have mattered if he did) but I was having to spam low-powered bunshin with a couple earth clones thrown in the mix just to get a few lucky hits in and hold him off of me. In ROOT I'd done assassinations. I'd done infiltrations. Those I was at least competent at. Fighting jonin, though? I'd done it before, yes, but always with at least one other team member. Straight out fighting, much less defeating, a jonin-level ninja on my own was not among my strengths.

Still, with the hits I got in I made his chakra flow unevenly through his body. Small victories. He was wearing me out, though, and he wasn't even attacking me seriously. He'd gotten hits in too, but he'd clearly pulled his punches.

We had moved back out into the open at some point. I was holding my left side, which was flaring with pain from Kakashi punching me, and panting. It was fortunate for me that by some unspoken consensus after our opening attacks we'd stuck with taijutsu. Kakashi was standing opposite me. He was breathing only a little harder than normal, as though we'd just been warming up.

"Is that the best you can do, Hikaru-chan?" Kakashi taunted me lightly.

"Yes." He was trying to make me angry, but that wasn't going to work on me. Besides, I knew my limits.

"Hmm. Well, I'm just getting started." He said, cocking his head to the side, "but I don't think you're up for it. At least, not alone." He looked to the trees and made a few hand signals. Tenzo appeared beside me. "Time for some team effort."

Oh that was clever, wearing me out so that I'd be forced fight with and rely on Tenzo, when it was clear I didn't want to. I felt a twinge of annoyance.

"I want to make something perfectly clear." Kakashi said, still lightly. His chakra, on the other hand, flared warningly. "Tenzo is a friend of mine." And here his voiced dropped into his normal tone "If you try to backstab him in any way, I will stop you as a traitor. Those who disobey the rules are trash, but those who betray or abandon their comrades are worse than trash. You may think he's some sort of traitor for leaving ROOT, but he's a lot more loyal to this village than Danzo was. First and foremost, you are a ninja of Konoha. You need to relearn that."

"Of Konoha?" I asked softly. My annoyance suddenly blossomed into anger, for several reasons. Kakashi was someone I'd cared about, before, and now he was threatening to kill me. That made me angry. He'd accused Danzo-sama of being disloyal to Konoha to some degree. That made me angry for reasons fast becoming nonsensical even to myself. And he'd said I was a ninja of Konoha. For some reason, that made me the angriest of all. I found myself shaking with anger, anger in such a large quantity I didn't know how to contain it or what to do with it. It was as though any and all feelings of rage I'd held back in the last five years filled my entire body, with my heart as its wellspring.

"**Of Konoha?**" I screamed at him and charged. My fists glowed, lighting both of us with pale green light. I wanted to hurt him. No, I wanted to _kill _him. "When have I _ever _been a ninja of Konoha!" I punched, he dodged. "When the Hokage _knew _that Danzo-sama wanted to kill him, knew what kind of man he was, when he abandoned me, or any child like me, to ROOT, was I a ninja of Konoha?" He kept dodging, making no attempts to fight back. I was too tired to hit him by now, and that made me angrier. "When I obeyed Danzo-sama, who you say is a traitor, was I a ninja of Konoha? And _you _Kakashi! Did Tenzo," I spared a hateful glance at the man as I continued to throw useless kicks and punches, "ever tell you where ROOT headquarters were, or that there were children there? Did you ever think that's where I was? Or even if I wasn't, did you consider rescuing them?" I physically could not express the amount of anger I was feeling towards him in my voice alone, express how in the beginning I'd thought of him as an example of strength and perseverance in situations that seemed hopeless, that I'd even stupidly thought of him swooping in and rescuing me only for that hope to dwindle and die, but the killing intent that was boiling out of me was making up the difference. "You abandoned them! _You abandoned me!_ _Did you think I was a ninja of Konoha, and then abandon me?_" My next punch slammed into his chest as he faltered at those words, causing him to skid backwards.

Before I could press my advantage I was suddenly restrained…by weird tree branches? I realized at some point during my tirade my Byakugan had turned off, allowing me to be caught completely off-guard by Tenzo's trick up his sleeve. I strained against the branches, but I was too drained to try and disrupt the chakra constructs with the Gentle Fist style. The chakra light around my fists flickered and went out, my body demanding me not to be wasteful with one of its power sources. I struggled fruitlessly, crying hot tears. I couldn't yell any more, couldn't express everything I felt. My anger seeped away, leaving me feeling absolutely drained and exhausted. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and fall asleep.

"Hikaru-chan." I couldn't see his face in the dark, but Kakashi's voice was pained. "I knew where ROOT headquarters were, but I didn't know you were there. I thought you were dead."

"I _wasn't_." I said brokenly.

There was silence. Then, out of the darkness, "I'm sorry."

Tenzo withdrew his branches. I wobbled and then sunk into a kneeling-sitting position, too tired to stay upright.

Kakashi was crouched before me in a flash. "Daijōbu?"

"N-not really. I'm-I'm sorry too. You didn't know. You shouldn't blame yourself. I don't blame you." Now that I was no longer angry, those words needed to be said too. I didn't blame Kakashi for not coming to get me, really. I had known it was only a dream even when I'd thought of it.

Kakashi assessed me. Then he turned around. "Get on my back. Let's get you back to the barracks."

I got up and draped myself awkwardly over his back. I was way too big for this, but Kakashi stood up and started walking like I weighed nothing and this was the most normal thing in the world.

He hadn't acknowledged what I'd said. "I really don't blame you. Tell me you believe me."

"I believe you, Hikaru-chan." He said tiredly.

"Good." I mumbled into his shoulder. "because I shouldn't have said all that. It wasn't right."

"It was fine."

"No, it wasn't."

Silence.

"Tenzo-taicho?" I said.

"Yes?" Came his voice from behind. I took a deep breath.

"Y-you can call me Hikaru too. Everyone else does."

"Yes, Hikaru-chan."

I fell asleep before we even got to headquarters.

**AN **

In canon Kakashi was retired for three years by this point, but the reason Kakashi was retired from ANBU was because Hiruzen felt guilty about Itachi killing his clan and didn't want Kakashi's heart to grow dark in the same way. No Uchiha massacre. No retirement, or at least not as soon. Eventually he was pulled out though.

I'm not sure that Inoichi would refer to PTSD by that name, but he wouldn't call it "shell shock" and I didn't want to have to come up with a new term for a familiar concept.

In reality, recovering from mental illness takes years and years and sometimes is never resolved. In Naruto, pretty much all it takes is Naruto attacking you and talking at you, in what I've heard referred to as his "Therapy no Jutsu." :) I'm going to try and strike a balance. Hikaru is going to progress a lot faster than she would in real life, but still slower than completely recovering in the space of a day or so. So yeah, she's feeling some emotion again a lot quicker than she should, but it's hard to keep writing her as being void of emotion. It's a bit draining, to be honest. I kept on wanting to have her emote even at the beginning of the chapter and then I had to remember that she can't. So, she's rediscovered anger. Yay? And sadness somewhat.

Also, Kakashi wasn't actually threatening to kill her. He meant "I will stop you and see you disciplined" and she took it the wrong way. Also, even though she'd probably realistically insist on being called Suté for longer, I just found it awkward to have her have two names, so I decided to resolve it by the end of this chapter.

Also, I hate writing fight scenes. Sigh.

**Review Responses:**

**JBebe: **Mostly for investment. Danzo is incredibly arrogant and thinks he can get away with just about anything. Heck, he basically can. In the anime he tries to _assassinate Hiruzen_. Does he get punished _at all_? Nope. So, he basically knows it doesn't matter what he does, the Hokage will never punish him. It took both the Hyuga and Uchiha clans threatening to straight-up leave the village that forced the Hokage's hand. Danzo was planning on either killing Hikaru immediately and setting it up to have her be discovered somewhere and have it look like someone else did it, or, as it turned out turning her into an agent. Then if she died at any point he could still set it up, and if she lived to adulthood he could kill her and take her eye. (Of course he would've taken Shishui's eye before then, but he didn't know that at the time.)

I tried to address the effectiveness by mentioning that the seal had a mental and emotional effect too. Also, I'm pretty certain that brainwashing works on all ages. Not to mention that she wasn't completely mentally sound in the first place due to PTSD, add in vulnerability because of being exhausted and sleep-deprived due to intensive training, and add in any other traumas she would have gone through early on, like having to kill someone for the first time, and you have a very broken individual. She pretty much welcomed feeling numb at that point, helping the seal affect her faster.

**Wow: **There was a reviewer named "wow" who reviewed for Ch 2, who said "YOU JUST SPOILED THE WHOLE STORY." Only with a swear word I found unnecessary and offensive, so I deleted it. However I still want to respond to it. Your review was too vague for me to get anything out of it. Since you were reviewing chapter 2, I was uncertain as to what you thought spoiled the story. Did you mean spoil as in ruin? Did you intensely dislike the fact that Hikaru told people she knew things? Or were you reviewing the whole story, just in the Ch 2 slot, and referring to the fact that I mention major spoilers later on? (Because there are no "spoilers" in Ch 2.) Or were you talking about the fact that I've drastically changed the storyline? Basically, your review was entirely unhelpful and inconclusive. If you hate the story that much by chapter 2 you could just stop reading anyway, no need to yell about it.

Alice: Hey, thanks for your review! I can't speak French, but I really appreciate it nonetheless.

Guest: Thank you!

MichaelJ-D: Thanks! :)


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: **Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Also, this chapter doesn't have much action until the very end, so stay tuned for that.

So, I'm having an internal debate. I'm thinking about completely rewriting this to make the early chapters better and such, but it would be a complete overhaul. If I rewrite it I may or may not switch completely to third person, and would definitely try to improve characterization and add foreshadowing. (The foreshadowing would be part of my motivation to switch to third person, because I couldn't really hint at things in earlier chapters that Hikaru wasn't in a position to know anything about.)

If I rewrite it I would want to do it now, before I get too far in the story.

On the other hand, I'm nervous about rewriting it because if I do switch it over to third person that comes with its own narrative limitations. Also I'm a slow writer so I'd feel bad restarting when I haven't accomplished much in all this time.

So, opinions? Who wants me to make the previous chapters more awesome and who wants me to just get on with the story I have?

000

I woke up in the morning and it took me a moment to remember where I was. The room was pitch black due to a lack of windows and being underground, so at first I thought I was back in my room at ROOT headquarters. But someone was snoring, and my room hadn't been big enough for two people to sleep in. I quietly turned on my byakugan, which did nothing for my ability to see the room, but caused chakra networks to flare bright and clear in my vision. There was mine, which I ignored, and one where the snoring was coming from approximately two bunk bed spaces over, and one floating in midair—or more likely resting on a top bunk—in between us. Then I remembered. ANBU. Tenzo-taicho was the one snoring in the first bottom bunk by the door, and it must be Kakashi-san sleeping on the top bunk of the bunk beds between us. Beyond their chakra networks there were, I turned my head to check a full range of vision with my byakugan, thirty other people that I could see.

I turned my byakugan off and thought about what had happened earlier. I had exploded. I had acted unprofessionally and ineffectually. I had let my emotions override my training. That was unacceptable. I let go the fact that I gave Tenzo-taicho permission to use my old name; that would be more efficient and less confusing in the long run. I noted that I was feeling confused. Understandable. I had no clear directives. However, that did not mean that I should operate any less efficiently than was in my power. I mustn't let such an outburst happen again.

"No past. No future. Only the mission." I recited internally. That was all I needed. That was all I could allow myself. Yesterday I had been overwhelmed, that was all. The memory of Kakashi placing his hand on my head came to me, and I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to quell the feeling of discomfort and embarrassment at the memory of my emotional reaction. _No, no. I can't think of that. No past. No future. Only the mission. _I breathed in and out feeling blessed emptiness fill me. Missions. That would be my purpose, my goal, and my reason for living. Danzo was gone, but I could still live up to ROOT's ideals. I was a weapon, nothing more.

I was unable to get back to sleep; my mind was too agitated as I picked apart the events of the previous day and week as well. I slid out of bed and felt around in the dark the chest at the foot of my bunk. Someone had put my armor there, as well as a change of the standard black clothes worn underneath. Perfect. I had been given changes of clothing while locked up, but had come here with nothing but the clothes on my back. I slipped out of the t-shirt and capris I'd been wearing and into the black sleeveless top and black pants. Then I slid back into bed and sat cross-legged, giving up on sleep entirely. Not too long after that Tenzo-taicho stopped snoring and woke up, and I listened as he shuffled to the door and then flipped the light on. Kakashi's breathing didn't even change, which made me suspect he was actually awake as well. Ninja tend to react to sudden situational changes when sleeping, usually violently.

I got out of bed and stretched my arms above my head, standing on tiptoe. I looked around the room, noticing that my armor and mask had been placed neatly on top of the flat-topped chest at the end of the bunk. I went over and, moving the mask aside, picked up the chest plate and examined it for any damage I may've caused by throwing it across the room last night. I was also trying to avoid looking at Tenzo as he got dressed. There had been, by turns, non-existent and far too much privacy in ROOT. Physical isolation had been juxtaposed with the need to watch each other's backs on missions while traveling in the country. You didn't wander off by yourself to go to the bathroom. There were times that would be asking to be killed. In larger teams senior squad members were allowed privacy, but even after three years of missions I wasn't strong enough to take care of myself if attacked in a compromising situation. I had also hypothesized that Danzo didn't want me to ever get the chance of slipping away unnoticed, and gave any team members I was with instructions to keep an eye on me whenever possible. Whenever I had gone on missions with only one other squad member, neither of us had ever gotten any privacy. I had never gone on a solo mission.

In any case, I thought as I rubbed my finger over a scratch in the chest plate, we were in a secure location and Tenzo didn't need me to keep an eye on him. I set the chest plate back down and looked over to see if Tenzo was done yet, only to find myself face-to-chest with a magically already dressed Kakashi-san. I backed up a step and looked up into his face.

"Your situational awareness skills could use some work." He said.

I nodded, not bothering to point out that I had been zoning out deliberately.

"Saa, I'm sure Tenzo will take care of that as you go along, won't you Tenzo?" Kakashi said over his shoulder.

"Of course, senpai." Tenzo walked over.

"Well," Kakashi said, "I suppose I should head out now."

"Stay for breakfast, senpai."

"Ahh, fine."

000

Yugao showed up as we were eating breakfast (leftovers of last night's dinner) and Kakashi and Tenzo were explaining some more about my situation. The official story was that I had been recovered from a would-remain-unnamed village and that for the time being I was being "guarded" by ANBU while living in a safe house. The official story on Danzo was that he had died of a sudden illness. It had been determined that the execution of a clan elder as a traitor would be too demoralizing to the village as a whole. Some people knew the truth, but the whole situation was an S-ranked "secret" just like Naruto's jinchuriki status. Only in this case the people who knew the truth was more limited—The Hyūga and Uchiha clan heads and, by extension, many of the members of their clans; and basically any members of ANBU. ANBU had been the main force in taking down ROOT, not to mention quite a few ROOT members had infiltrated ANBU, which meant that ANBU had had to be informed of what was going on. Beyond ANBU, the Hyūga, and the Uchiha, there were not many who knew the true story.

Yugao had slid into the room during the middle of this. She was wearing the standard black sleeveless top with a high neck and black pants, her ANBU armor tucked under an arm. She had a katana strapped to her back. She had sat down on the floor with us and waved away an offered set of chopsticks.

I took a moment to think about all this. "I see," I said. "is it going to be necessary that I am seen about the village in order to cement my cover story?"

Tenzo nodded. "Yes, you can consider today to be your first mission, in fact. This is outside the realm of what ANBU usually takes missions for, of course, but considering the circumstances we can call it training for maintaining a cover. I've been informed that a Hyūga clan member will be waiting for us at 10am at the Hokage tower. She's taking you clothes shopping, from what I've gathered. Yugao will be going with you openly, and I'll be trailing. Guard duty and….secret guard duty. It's going to be a practice exercise for all of us."

Well, it looked like they'd been ordered to keep an eye on me too. Who they were guarding, me, or everyone around me, was probably open for change at a moment's notice.

"What time is it now?" I asked. I didn't have an accurate internal-body clock, so I had no idea.

Both Tenzo and Kakashi immediately looked at Yugao for the answer. She rolled her eyes.

"You two are hopeless." She said, painted red lips curling into a smile. "It's 7 am, Hikaru-chan. We have some time. Do you have any supplies? Food, hygienic products?"

I shook my head.

"Right, well, no time like the present. You may be getting outfitted for clothes later, but we can't neglect everything else in the meantime. Let's make a morning of it."

Tenzo paled a bit at the thought of an extended shopping trip. "You can do that Yugao, I'm certain you know better what hygienic products Hikaru-chan will need."

She snickered. "Yeah, ok. What do you say, Kakashi-san?"

He thought about. "I don't have any other plans."

So we went shopping. I had to henge myself, changing my long hair into a short brown bob and giving myself two brown eyes. Yugao introduced me as her cousin wherever we went. Kakashi didn't even try to give an excuse as to why he was hanging out with the two of us. He stayed mostly silent, helping carry the groceries. I wondered about all the things we were buying, but Yugao said each ANBU team had a mission expenses fund and since my _life_ was pretty much a mission at this point, she would file a request to be refunded for what we were spending today to get me set up. Yugao kept asking me what I liked, but since I didn't have strong feelings for anything she ended up getting me a lot of ingredients for her favorite meals so that I could "try them out," offering to teach me how to cook them, as though she thought I'd eaten nothing but rice my whole life. As our grocery bags filled I had to curtail her somewhat by pointing out there was a limit to how much one person could eat in a month. The only big hiccup came at the end when Yugao asked where I lived.

"In the barracks! Kakashi, why didn't you tell me she lived in the barracks before we bought all this food!?" She whispered fiercely, glancing around.

"I thought you knew."

"She can't use the fridge and pantry there, it would take up too much space." She said quietly to him before turning to me. "There is a fridge and pantry space at headquarters, but it's mostly for administration ninja to store their lunches. Let's take it to my house, there's space in my kitchen."

As we walked she kept on muttering to herself. "I can't believe this. Who thought of this? You can't really live in the barracks, not long-term. Well, you _can, _I mean, there are people who _practically _live there, but it isn't…" she was lost for words.

"Yugao, you know it's closest to what she's used to at this point, right?" Kakashi said. "And, as you said, people can live in the barracks. It's not that abnormal."

"I know, it just caught me by surprise. I knew she wasn't going to live at home, but I assumed she'd been assigned a…a genin apartment maybe, like what they give orphan students." She grumbled. "I would've only bought her a week's supply of food if I'd known, and certainly not such a large variety."

After we reached her house Kakashi and I stood watching awkwardly as Yugao stuffed things into her fridge and cupboards, claiming she knew exactly where she wanted it all, don't touch, thank you.

Once she was done she turned to me and said "You're having dinner at my house, ok? Every night, until we can figure out a good way to keep you healthily fed."

I wished Tenzo were here to look to for permission. I didn't know what to do about this situation. Instead I looked at Kakashi.

Yugao spoke again before he could say anything. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but you'll be coming to my house anyway to get your food and the stoves at ANBU are tiny and old."

I redirected my attention to her. She made some good points and since Kakashi wasn't speaking up against it I had to assume that this was okay even considering my unique circumstances. I didn't particularly want to eat at her house, but in all likelihood it would be _more _private than preparing my food on whatever communal stoves ANBU had and this way there would only be one person I had to keep an eye on during food preparation.

"Thank you for the offer." I said politely, "I would not mind coming here for dinner."

Yugao gave me a bright smile, which was odd, considering she'd just agreed to host an unknown pre-teen for however many nights. I moved my mouth into a returning smile, as social conventions demanded.

Yugao twisted around and looked at the clock on her wall.

"Hmm. That only took an hour. We still have two hours left before we need to be at the tower. Is there anything you'd like to do?"

While she was speaking I flicked my fingers in farewell as Kakashi slipped away. I heard him pause a moment and continue out. Evidently he hadn't expected that I would notice. He had been standing in my blind spot, but I had heard him moving, even though it had been almost silent.

Yugao turned back to us and started at Kakashi's absence. Then she shook her head.

"That's typical. I was surprised he went shopping with us." She said. "It's amazing how in-practice he is even after a year."

I didn't have an opinion on any of those things, so I just looked around at her apartment. Really, so much of what people used as an excuse for conversation served no purpose.

Yugao cleared her throat. I looked back at her. She looked uncertain for a moment, but then hit upon an idea.

"Do you know how to use your tanto?"

"My skills with the katana and tanto are basic, above beginner level but nothing special." I told her frankly.

Her eyes lit up. "Well, we'll just have to work on that, won't we? Let's go to a training field and go over what you know, that should take up the time nicely."

Yugao had me slowly go through all the katas I knew with my tanto, adjusting my footwork and stances where she found me lacking. Then she had me demonstrate my blocks and strikes.

"Well," she said, "you're right. You aren't a complete beginner, but you're barely above that level. However you don't have any really bad habits and I think if you want to you could become good at it if you dedicated your time to it. Would you like to focus on kenjutsu?"

I thought about it. My training focused on infiltration, genjutsu, and taijutsu. I wasn't exactly a heavy hitter, although I could be with my rudimentary Gentle Fist abilities that wasn't generally my role in missions. Kenjutsu would give me more reach, which was appealing because I didn't really like fighting up close, but it would take away my ability to use Gentle Fist. "No. I wouldn't mind training more with my tanto as a backup weapon, but I have Gentle Fist for close engagement."

Yugao's looked dissapointed. "I….see. Well, I'd like to train you to make your technique at your current skill level as near perfect as you can get, and we don't need to go more advanced than that if you don't want to."

"That would be useful." I said.

She nodded, and then glanced at the sun. "We have time for a spar or two. I'd like to get the feel of what you're like in action. Tanto only. No ninjutsu or genjutsu."

"Hai."

000

Yugao and I had sparred for almost the whole two hours, only leaving enough time for the both of us to freshen up at her house and make it to the tower. I was wearing black pants and shirt with elbow length sleeves, and an eyepatch, but no armor. Yugao was fully decked out, however. Tenzo met us at the door to the tower, also in full uniform. When we got to the door of the Hokage's office he melted back into the shadows. Right. Secret guard duty. Yugao opened the door and we both entered. The office was already bustling with people getting missions, but it slowly ground to a halt as people stopped to stare at me.

This was my first public appearance since being kidnapped, so it was only natural that people would stare. If not for Yugao's hand placed protectively on my shoulder as a clear signal I wouldn't have been surprised if people had approached me. I cast my eye downward, acting the part of a shy uncertain girl all too easily. In truth I _was_ uncomfortable. Not even on infiltrations missions had I had to deal with a roomful of people unabashedly staring at me like I had just been brought back from the dead.

I looked up as a woman approached us. She was a woman with greying hair who looked vaguely familiar. She also looked like she was holding back tears.

"Hikaru-chan, it's been a long time." She came right up to us and Yugao retracted her hands as she embraced me. I endured it. "You remember me, don't you?" She asked, pulling away from me to look at my face. "It's me, Kyoko."

The name didn't ring a bell. I knew I must know her somehow, and evidently this was our contact, but I couldn't pin anything else down. Despite this, I nodded hesitantly for onlookers sakes. I was uncertain of how much I was allowed to reveal my forgetfulness so it was best to play it as though I knew who she was and was merely unenthusiastic due to shyness.

The Hokage cleared his throat loudly and several people jumped before turning away from the scene we were creating. A jonin with three wide-eyed genin left with many a backward glance, and I had no doubt later the genin would be telling their friends "she's back! Really! And we were some of the first to see her!"

"Come on," Kyoko said finally after she had her fill of looking at me "we've got quite a lot to do." She gave me another brief hug and then released me and led us out. "Hinata-chan offered to give you half of her clothes but Hiashi-sama wants you to have a full wardrobe, all new."

First came the kimonos and yukatas. I had to spend a long time being fitted and poked and prodded, while Kyoko and the matron of the establishment talked about color and size and tried to draw me into the conversation occasionally.

"It must've been so hard for you." The matron clucked at me. "Being kidnapped and held for so long by…by…." She trailed off and Kyoko glanced sharply at her.

"Yes." I said, ignoring the question. My cover story was a dilemma. Konoha couldn't tell the truth without revealing how weak and messed up their infrastructure was to the outside world, because civilians generally can't keep their mouths shut forever, but neither could they falsely accuse another village without causing problems. The speculation that was going to result from refusing to say who was responsible was going to cause headaches for the Hokage but it was the only option. Not to mention the problem that my return and Danzo's "illness" were so close together and might raise flags in sharp-minded people. Shinobi in the know were going to have their hands full running interference.

The matron looked at Kyoko in the face of my non-answer, but she just said "Yes, and we're very glad to have her back. Now, about her obi…"

After my measuring, there was the matter of picking out colors and styles. Kyoko ordered no less than eleven kimonos and yukatas for me: a iromuji kimono for tea ceremonies, a mofuku mourning kimono, a long-sleeved furisode, and then two yukatas for each season of the year. All this along with one pair of geta, high wooden sandals, and three pairs of zoris, what Americans would probably think of as flip flops (but made of straw). These would all be delivered to the Hyuga estate in two weeks.

I was already well past my limit for being stared at for the day, but we were only just beginning. Casual clothes were actually _worse_, because while Kyoko had confidently picked out kimonos for me she expected more of my input on what I wanted here. She stipulated though that I had to pick some colors other than black. I really didn't care what I wore so long as it wouldn't hamper movement, so I just picked things out at random which she would then either veto immediately or have me try on. We bought several colored shirts, black, white, and tan pants and capris, ninja sandals, a white jacket, and a couple knee-length skirts and leggings. I was pretty certain I spotted Tenzo reading in a tree as we bounced from one shop to another. And all the while people were staring and pointing and whispering about me. Their attention made my skin crawl.

Then we went and got medical supplies: food pills, bandages, cold medicine, that sort of thing. Kyoko had to consult with Yugao on some of this, not entirely certain on what a ninja needed because she wasn't one herself. A few odds and ends later and we were _finally _done. I looked at the sun and guessed it was about three in the afternoon. No wonder I was so hungry. Kyoko took Yugao and me to a tea shop. Tenzo followed us in and surreptitiously stole food from Yugao and my plates when Kyoko wouldn't notice. Yugao also had to eat in quick bites so that Kyoko wouldn't see her face. Kyoko kept on reaching over and taking me by the hand, saying she had a wonderful time and was so happy to see me, which was incredibly awkward. Something niggled at me that it was unusual she was talking so much, which made the fact that I didn't feel anything in return for her even more uncomfortable.

"Thank you for your help today." I told her. "I'm sorry we caused you so much trouble."

"Oh, no trouble at all. No trouble. I only wish I could've helped more. And Hinata will be so happy to hear how you are doing."

I nodded and then turned back to my food. _She is part of the past. She is nothing. There is no past._ Breathe in, breathe out.

"The food is delicious." I commented.

I didn't miss the troubled look Kyoko was giving me, but I ignored it in favor of eating. What she thought of me was not important.

000

The rain soaked through my clothes and trickled underneath my mask. I tried adjusting the straps on my mask tighter, but they were already as tight as they'd go. We had been waiting for the target for two wet hours.

Leopard landed on a branch on the tree beside me and Tiger, her purple braid dripping. "They're stuck in the mud five miles away. Judging by the mud up the sides of the carriage, this isn't the first time either."

Tiger grunted. "I figured it was something like that. We pick a good ambush site and they turn into sitting ducks somewhere else. Shall we go help them out?"

Leopard laughed. "Sure. Hey, we want you to hurry up and get to your assassination, so we're here to dig you out of the mud."

Tiger poked me. "That was a joke."

"Yes, taicho."

"I'll get you to laugh one of these days, Owl."

"Yes, taicho."

He shook his head. "Right. Let's go get them. "

We sped off, jumping from tree branch to tree branch with Leopard leading us.

There were four Kiri ninja we needed to worry about, as well as a handful of cheaper guards. The guards were trying to extract the carriage from the mud, while the ninja were standing one to a corner keeping watch. Tiger counted down from three with his fingers, and then his hands flashed through hand signs.

"Mokuton: Tree Bind!"

Branches rose up from the ground and wrapped around all the men, but one ninja immediately exploded into water while another was replaced by a tree branch.

I ran forward, hands forming seals without thought.

"Genjutsu: Dance of the Sugar Plums!" Immediately the guards and still-trapped ninja slumped in the branches, forced asleep. Tiger and Leopard landed beside me a moment later. Tiger signaled me, and I obligingly turned my Byakugan on. Then I was forced to focus, narrowing my field of vision but greatly increasing the range. I started turning my head, stopping when I spotted them.

"Water clone in the carriage." I reported. "Target and remaining shinobi a half mile away in that direction." I pointed. We abandoned stealth and body-flickered to catch up. Without pausing to slow down and check I went straight for the man on the left. He was our target genjutsu'd to look like one of the Kiri ninja, a guy with green hair wielding a katana, but that didn't fool my eye which could see the man's real chakra network didn't match up with the way "the ninja's" limbs were moving.

Before I got to him I slammed full speed into what felt like a brick wall. Hearing the man's ribs crack on the impact would have been more satisfying if my nose hadn't also broken, sending pain radiating throughout my face.

The problem with using body flicker in combat is that if an enemy is expecting you you're generally moving too fast to stop, or in some cases even realize that you've been injured at first. Most fortunately for me, the other ninja had been aiming for somebody taller. We both stumbled backwards away from each other and I saw my opponent was the real green-haired sword wielder. Tiger was facing off with a ninja trying to blast him with a suiton jutsu, and Leopard was trying to get past a water clone of sword-wielder. His sword work was _very _good, which meant I was dead if I tried to match my blade with the real thing.

I lunged to the side and then ducked as my opponent tried to bisect me, first vertically and then horizontally, tasting blood as it dripped into my mouth which I was forced to breathe out of. It was lucky his ribs were slowing him down, or I'd be dead already. I ran through handseals.

"Demonic Release: Inferno!"

The man's eyes widened as to his perception the forest floor turned into lava. People underestimate genjutsu sometimes. It's true that you can almost always get out of them as soon as you realize you're in one, but it's also true that you need to have enough presence of mind to release yourself before the genjutsu makes you incapable of doing so. Your brain being _convinced _that you are feeling lava-amounts of pain on the soles of your feet (not to mention a huge amount of heat accompanied by your clothes combusting) makes it difficult to do anything other than fall down, and then you're _really _in trouble.

I dropped a kick on his neck hard enough to snap it before he could roll onto his own sword and possibly cut and release himself.

His water clone collapsed and Leopard ran to catch up to our target, who hadn't gotten very far away now that his guards weren't helping him escape. I turned in time to see Tiger skewer his opponent. In the distance pleas for mercy were cut abruptly short. I felt at my nose and winced, taking a deep breath before wrenching it back into place.

I blinked and flailed to stop Leopard from smothering my nose with her hands.

"Stop that!" She ordered. "You knocked yourself out, _and _you made your nose worse. It got put to the side and smashed in a little. Trying to wrench it straight back was a bad idea. I need to go in with iryou jutsu to pull some bits forward and then to the side. You might black out again, ok?"

"Alright."

I didn't black out, but I almost wished I had. I sat up slowly afterward and breathed slowly through my nose, but it didn't hurt. The constant rain meant that I didn't even need to clean any blood off of my face.

Leopard stood and offered me a hand up. "Not bad for your first mission!"

"I was lucky." I said.

"And that's a good quality to have." Tiger commented. "Let's clean up."

We went back and killed everyone else before digging them all a shallow grave. Leopard had to remove her mask for fresh air at one point.

"You ok?" Tiger asked.

"Yeah." She said. "I hate it when they beg and I still have to.." she took a deep breath "not listen, forget they're a person."

Tiger clapped her on the back. "It's ok. We're almost done."

I kept on shoveling. We were done ten minutes later.

Then we went back to Konoha.

**Review Response:**

**Dre: **I'm glad you like it so much! The answer is no, she didn't know about the psychological tricks because she didn't read far enough in canon to know much about ROOT. She knew it existed but wasn't clear about what they did or anything. She tried to resist at first and she got some emotional freedom in the last chapter but her mental conditioning is still strong.

**Jadefire: **Hi! Glad you discovered it and like it!

**Guest 1: **Yes, ROOT with guns would be very, very bad so it's a good thing she suppressed those memories. She wasn't actually thinking of that though when she let go of her past, it was, well, wait and see. She doesn't remember a lot, but she did write stuff down before being kidnapped so that will help her remember canon stuff at least. Not much of the SI is left, she's pretty much OC at this point, but she'll start getting bits of her old self back. Inoichi didn't see the previous timeline or canon stuff because he was just looking for information on ROOT and/or mental damage she may've had. And, yeah, they should've been more thorough.

**Guest 2:** I'm updating as fast as I can! :)

**jaka:** Yes, there were at least one Aburame and Yamanaka ROOT members each, and even though he didn't get him Danzo was really interested in having Shino, another clan heir, join. Also, we'll just see how friendships with the Rookie 9 develop. *wink* And more on the effect the twins had/have on Naruto later.

**Guest 3: **Thanks!


	13. Chapter 13

**AN **So the general consensus is that I should keep writing as is. Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and feedback!

000

Returning to Konoha was nothing like going home. I could still remember that the word home should be accompanied by concepts and feelings like "peace," "safety," "love," and "family." That seeing Konoha's walls in the light of the setting sun should be accompanied by a feeling of relief or happiness. I was neither dumb nor had I forgotten what emotions were. However.

My heart sat dead in my chest.

_That _was safety. That protected me from…from vulnerability, useless anger, feeling regret like Yūgao had. No, there was nothing to regret in a job done. We had been ordered to kill, we had fulfilled that direction. At that thought a small amount of warmth entered my heart. _Satisfaction_. The only thing that would be missing was Danzo-sama's "Well done." At that thought the warmth died. Not that it mattered.

We checked into ANBU headquarters and gave a short debriefing. After getting changed into civilian clothing Yūgao and I headed towards her house. Unfortunately, someone ran into us on the way there.

The man swept Yūgao up into a hug in the middle of the street, garnering stares. "You're back!" he crowed, and then released her.

Yūgao gave him a playful shove to the chest. "Hayate! There's no need to make a big deal about it. We weren't gone that long."

"I know, but I'm always happy to—wait, we?" He looked at me. I was henged into my "Yugao's cousin" disguise. "Oh. You have your limpet with you."

I had no idea if he was trying to get a rise out of me, using "limpet" as a form of endearment, or simply using the first common phrase that came to his mind. Whichever, I was a little insulted. Limpets brought to mind small children hanging onto their mother's skirts. I wasn't exactly tied to Yūgao out of any strong bond of fear or love.

"If I had a place of greater convenience to go, I assure you I would, Gekkō-san."

He flushed a little "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

"Apology accepted." I dismissed the subject.

"Would you like to come to dinner?" Yūgao asked him hopefully.

"Oh, um." His eyes went back and forth between hers and mine. It didn't take a genius to know who the pro was and who the con was in his internal debate. Personally, the thought of having to interact with him throughout a meal was painful. I decided to remove myself from his considerations.

"I'm not very hungry." I said. "I'm going to get vendor food and then go to bed."

"You don't need to do that, really." Yūgao protested.

"I'm not doing it for you." I told her, watching as both of them winced simultaneously. "I'm really not hungry."

"Al-alright," she said, before turning back to Hayate with a questioning look.

I was already walking away as he accepted her offer. I had soon sped up into a power walk, and suddenly I wanted to run. Run until I dropped. I knew that would only draw attention to myself, so I had to content myself with tapping my foot rapidly as I waited for the nearest vendor I saw to hand me something hot and oily in a napkin. Then I prowled around a bit until I found a nice little blind alley that went behind a building. There was trash piled up against the farthest wall but I got as close to it as I could. It didn't really lessen the directions someone could come at me from—a person could burst through any of the walls or even come at me from underground, but it made me feel slightly safer nonetheless. I turned my Byakugan on just in case. I leaned against the slightly dirty stone wall to eat and soon found myself mulling over the whole situation.

I knew I wasn't the most pleasant dinner guest. I barely spoke, leaving Yūgao to essentially talk to herself most of the time. I sometimes cooked, but Yūgao wanted to be a good host and not have her guest cooking, which created more work for her. She was an earnest twenty-year old and I could acknowledge her stubbornness, seeing as she hadn't given up on me yet. But really, I was wearing out my welcome and my store of food at her place was almost gone anyway.

Hayate had come over once before, and that had been uncomfortable, as most of my interactions with people were. We were all in ANBU together, so he knew my situation, but that didn't stop him from being surprised at the way I behaved. And eyeing me throughout the whole meal. Whenever he wasn't looking at Yūgao, that is.

And that was the crux of the matter. I was an oddity. In ROOT my behavior was perfectly normal. Not remarked upon. Not given second glances. In fact it was encouraged and seen as professional. And now here I was being expected to adapt to a whole different set of social expectations. But none of it mattered.

I tapped my heel against the wall as I thought. What I really wanted to do was kick it as hard as I could, but that would probably damage both the wall and my foot, which I didn't want to deal with.

Missions _mattered_. People didn't matter. Talking didn't matter except to relay information about missions. Social expectations were pointless and I _knew that_ and still it made me feel like I was doing something wrong whenever someone wanted to talk to me. I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me because of something unimportant. Every time I interacted with anyone.

My tapping had increased in rapidity and strength. I stilled my leg, forcing myself to calm down and breathe a little slower. And chew my last bites a little slower. It was fine. Soon I could stop going to Yūgao's house for meals and subsist off of what little I could store at ANBU headquarters day to day. It would be fine.

The fact was, I could "act" normal. I had gone on enough infiltration missions and still remembered enough about social interaction from….somewhere that I could ape being a cheerful girl. But that was tiring. And the motivation would be to fit it and have people stop acting like there was something wrong with the way I acted. And I didn't, or shouldn't, care about what they thought about me. It had only been about a month since I'd been taken out of ROOT and I was already getting more flustered than I should be at other people's reactions. I just didn't know how to handle it. I wasn't _on _an infiltration mission, which meant I shouldn't _have _to act, and yet people weren't treating me the way I'd been treated for as long as I could remember now. And that made me feel like I should change something, but I knew that in reality nobody was…..

I jerked my head back and knocked it against the wall, but that didn't stop me from completing the thought

…nobody was going to treat me like Danzo-sama did. No matter what I changed, they'd taken him away from me. But they wouldn't take the "me" that he approved of away from me. I wasn't going to change my behavior or heart. He was "safety" and "family." He was everything.

My hands balled into fists, the napkin getting crumpled in my right hand. I turned around and back up a step, considering the wall. The spot where I hit my head throbbed just a little. I touched the back of my head with my left hand, but it came back clean, which was good. I hadn't hit it hard enough to break the skin. I left the alley and found a trash can to throw the napkin away in.

I was making my way back to ANBU headquarters when a member of the Uchiha police stopped me.

"Hey kid, are your parents ok with you being out after dark?" She asked.

"Yeah." I lied. I did not want to deal with this right now. I couldn't tell her I was in ANBU, and I wasn't supposed to be out as myself without a visible ANBU escort either. If I told her who I was, then she'd most likely take me straight to the Hyūga compound, which was not an option in my mind. So pretending to be just a kid was the only option I had. In a situation like this, I had to act. It was part of protecting my official cover, which made it an imperative.

"Where do you live?" She asked.

I named an apartment complex close to where ANBU headquarters were. "I'm going home now," I offered, "and I'm really fine on my own."

She looked skeptical. Which, ok, Konoha is a pretty safe place to live compared to other Hidden Villages, but it is still a big village that the average ten year old girl probably should not be wandering around in by herself at night.

"I'm in the ninja academy, and I'm pretty good at taijutsu." I said, radiating confidence. A kid even half-competent at taijutsu could overpower your average untrained civilian mugger. Unfortunately, that was somehow the wrong thing to say, because her face hardened.

"Right. I'm going to escort you home." She said disapprovingly.

Well, darn….if I ran with the intent of losing her I'd have to show off evasion skills the average academy student wouldn't have, which would raise warning flags and probably have her raise an alarm. On the other hand I didn't know anyone in the apartment complex I just named. So I was going to have to tell her that I lied about living there. Which would also make her suspicious.

Of course, the fact that I was hesitating at all right now while trying to think of a way to salvage the situation meant that she was going to get suspicious.

"Right, what are you not telling me?" She was tensing, just a little. She didn't think I was a threat, yet, but her thoughts were clearly going in that direction.

"I lied! I'm sorry!" I blurted out. "My parents died in the Kyūbi attack and I live with my cousin and she doesn't know that I'm out right now. We live over there," I pointed in the direction of Yugao's apartment. "and I just wanted to…go out, I don't know! She never lets me out after dark. Please don't tell her." I managed to force tears to come to my eyes for extra effect.

"Of course I'm telling her, and I'm taking you home right now." Left unspoken went the fact that if I was lying again I was going to be in some serious trouble.

She marched me all the way there and knocked sharply on the door. I could hear laughter cut off, a sound of scrambling and a "Just a minute!"

"She's on a date." I muttered. The police woman shot me a glare.

Yugao opened the door hesitantly. When she saw me sullenly standing there and who I was with, she got the biggest look of surprise on her face.

"Hi—" she stopped herself from saying my name just in time, switching it out with another "Hisami-chan!"

I went to walk in with a grumpy "tadaima" but the police woman caught my shoulder. My, she was being thorough.

"You know who this is?" The Uchiha woman watched both of us. "What's your relation?"

"She's my cousin, Uchiha-san. Was she doing something wrong?"

The lady let go of me and relaxed, "No, no, other than being out without your permission of course. Sorry to bother you, I just thought I should escort her home."

I squeezed myself past Yūgao, kicked off my shoes and threw myself on the couch in the living room like an angry teenager. Hayate was smirking at the table.

_Laugh it up, fuzzball…Where did _that _come from?_

Yugao finished thanking the police lady and promising to punish me before shutting the door and turning around. After waiting for about thirty seconds both she and Hayate started laughing. I was already in the bathroom changing into my ANBU gear, which I always had sealed into a scroll on my person. If anyone stopped me in that all I had to do was show my tattoo.

By the time I came out she was back at the table, but they were still laughing about it.

"Sorry to interrupt." I murmured, snatching up my shoes.

"Wait, wait! What happened?" Yūgao giggled.

"I was returning to ANBU headquarters when a member of the Uchiha police stopped me at approximately 7:15 pm. I convinced her that I was a random girl, but could not convince her that I didn't need her assistance. She insisted on escorting me home." I reported clinically. No need to tell her all the details.

Hayate shook his head, but didn't say anything.

"Well, go on home now," Yūgao said, and then started laughing again so she could barely finish her sentence "and don't be out too late!" That made Hayate crack a smile again.

I left post-haste and made it back to headquarters with no further incident. At least the squad room was empty. Tenzo only slept there when we got back to Konoha either really late or in the wee hours of the morning, so I was glad this wasn't one of those days.

000

The next morning Tenzo came into the squad room with some paperwork in his hands.

"We're getting a new squad member, Hikaru-chan."

I glanced at him from where I was doing push-ups on the floor. He took my silence as an invitation to provide more information.

"His name is Tadao Hyūga."

Uup. Down. Uup. Down. The name didn't ring a bell. Uuuuup. Down. If he was a Hyūga it was unlikely he'd stay at the barracks at all, which meant I'd continue having the room to myself. He had a compound to go back to after all.

"We're going to meet him at noon today at Training Ground 10."

"Hai." I bit out. Three more. I could stop after three more.

Tenzo was still there when I let myself collapse onto the floor. I rolled over and tilted my head back to look at him, which made it look like he was standing on the ceiling.

"Do you know him?" He asked me. "He's a member of the main house."

"No."

"He used to be in ANBU, but he's been a Jonin instructor for the past seven years. He's coming back to help fill up the shortage left by the ROOT purge."

I sat up and then got to my feet, turning to face Tenzo as I stretched out my arms. That was a nice explanation, but I smelled politics at work here as well. A Hyūga main house member randomly assigned to our squad? It wasn't impossible, but it seemed a bit unlikely.

Tenzo gave up at conversation over my blank face. "Anyway," he said, "I'll see you then."

"Hai, taicho."

000

Tadao Hyūga was a man in his early thirties, which meant he'd distinguished himself early on to have been in and out of ANBU by his early twenties. He had long dark brown hair pulled up into a topknot, a thin nose, and, of course, the color of his eyes went without saying. His mask was Monkey.

Introductions were brief and then we ran through a team building exercise. Tadao asked to speak to Tenzo and me afterwards. Yūgao left with a jaunty wave.

"So, what did you want to say to us?" Tenzo asked.

"I don't mean to step over your role as team captain, but I was assigned to this squad was so that I could help Hikaru-chan with her Gentle Fist style, since she isn't spending any time training at home." Tadao told him. "Do you have any objections?"

Even though he tacked on the question at the end, it was clear he didn't expect any resistance to the arrangement. Well, he wasn't off the mark.

"No. I have no problem with you overseeing her taijutsu training." Tenzo said.

_So I wasn't wrong about his assignment to our squad being beyond random selection_. I thought.

"When do you have free time?" Tadao asked me.

"Most of my time is free time." I informed him. "I eat meals, sleep, go on missions, and make periodic walks around town with either Yūgao or Tenzo openly escorting me to cement the fact that I'm back and being protected. Other than that, I have nothing to do but train."

"That makes it convenient." Tadao looked pleased. "Do you have time right now?"

"Yes."

"Show me your opening stance." I did so. Tadao immediately had corrections to make. Tenzo left us to it.

For the next week and beyond Tadao was correcting me on lots of fine details of stance and form that I'd unintentionally let slip during my time in ROOT, which meant lots of pausing and adjusting. As restful as that sounds, Tadao still ran me into the ground every day. That intense level of training was almost like being in ROOT again.

Tadao was not particularly chatty with me, so I didn't have any problems with interacting with him until our next mission.

000

There were three bases belonging to Orochimaru within Fire Country that ANBU had the location of, and did periodic checks on just in case he came back to one of them. Any signs of activity would be treated with extreme caution and if there was the slightest hint that the snake summoner himself was there then we were to retreat and call for the Hokage himself. Konoha had a responsibility to put down her missing-nin, and to be honest we didn't want anyone else collecting the bounty on his head either. The fact that he was still out there made Konoha look bad too.

Both Monkey and I turned our Byakugan on after we got closer to the entrance of the base we'd been assigned to check up on. It little more than a crevice in the stony ground. Monkey was a little rusty with his ANBU hand signals, but he conveyed to Tiger-taicho that there were six shinobi inside. None of them had sannin level chakra reserves. I signaled taicho that it looked like at least two of them had Jonin level reserves. From the schematics we'd memorized beforehand, it looked like they were all clustered in the largest chamber.

Then Monkey indicated, very emphatically, his opinion that I should stay outside and keep watch.

"Why?" Tiger signaled.

"Inexperienced. Handicapped." Went the response.

Tiger shook his head. "Capable." He signaled. "Discuss later." Then he gave us our formation. Diamond pattern, with himself taking point, me on the right, Leopard on the left, and Monkey taking rear.

I could see Monkey's chakra wavering with displeasure, but he fell in position. Then we slipped in like shadows.

It was pitch black inside, save for the shafts of sunlight coming in from the entrance. I knew from reports there were brackets for torches on the walls, and had the place been empty we could've lit them up. As it was, we'd all memorized the layout and would have to navigate from that. We crept forward silently and steadily until we were close enough to hear voices echoing and see light up ahead. Tiger signaled for us to halt, and then he melted into the dirt wall in the hallway and went on ahead. He went upward until he was just above ceiling level, and then forward. I watched as he bent down just a little, sticking his head through the ceiling for a look and a listen. Then he came back.

"Iwa nin" he signaled to us. "Capture if possible."

Not all missing nin put a nice identifying slash through their headbands, so we couldn't be sure if we were dealing with an infiltration or just a bunch of dropouts. Taking them on a trip to T&amp;I would straighten things out.

We had a quick pow-wow where we drew out where the targets were standing in the room for Leopard and picked out our targets. Then we went in.

Branches sprouted from the ground to entrap our opponents as soon as we entered the chamber, but only succeeded in capturing two of the ninja. The remaining four scattered. They had been gathered around a small campfire built on the floor. The room was filled with tanks of glass—some still filled with sickly green liquid and some broken open with glass scattered around them on the floor. The campfire didn't cast much light, leaving most of the room in shadow, making it seem larger. The tanks in the light cast long shadows behind them, which stretched and eventually melded into the general darkness behind.

The ninja nearest to me tried to slip into this glass forest and I went after her. She looked to be about fifteen, which meant that she had less of a reach than an adult. That would make things easier for me. I swung my fist at her jawline, going for a quick knockout. There was a moment of contact—my skin scraping against her rough rock-covered arm. She had both hands and forearms covered in stone, and I felt the air whoosh by as I ducked under her other fist. A quick jab to the side of her knee wasn't enough cause her to fall, but it did knock her off balance for a few seconds, which let me grab her ankle and yank to off the ground while turning around, simultaneously drawing a kunai with my left hand and stabbing that into the side of her other knee and twisting. This left me crouched basically underneath her. She had one foot off the ground and the other no longer able to support her weight, so I let go of her ankle and rolled forward hastily as she collapsed to the ground.

This took all of five seconds, but the fight wasn't quite over yet. She still had use of her hands.

I substituted myself with a large piece of glass lying a few feet away and was rewarded by the sound of shattering as she made a spike come out of the ground where I had been crouched a moment earlier. I took a second to appreciate usefulness of the Byakugan: even though I'd been facing away from her I could see her weaving handsigns, helping me to avoid her jutsu.

I threw a kunai at her head as I advanced, more to keep her occupied with deflecting it with her rock-guarded forearms than actually intending to hit her. It stuck, she pulled it out and threw it back, and I deflected it easily…right into the glass tank I was walking beside. Where it exploded.

My head knocked against another tank and I heard ringing in my ears before I registered that she'd added an explosive tag to the handle. My heart rate kicked up as I scrambled up, getting glass in my palms, before flying forward.

I had been planning on just knocking her out, or at most pinning her hands to the ground with my kunai, but now I wanted something a bit more final. I drew my tanto, ignoring the pain in my hand as I gripped the handle. Ignoring the pain all over my left side. There wasn't time to check my status. I needed to end this fight now.

And then I had to stop myself from slicing Monkey's back open and skid painfully when he appeared on top of her and knocked her lights out with a punch. My tanto clattered on the ground and Monkey made a little "Umpf" sound as I ran into his back.

I winced as I backed up and picked up my tanto. Status: Headache, ringing ears, lacerations and burn damage to arm, leg, shoulder, and collarbone on the left side. Minor cuts to left ear and cheek, and neck. Glass in my hands and possibly in my other wounds. My armor had protected my side and chest.

"Are you alright?" Monkey asked.

"Yes." I said. No arteries were hit and nothing was immediately life threatening. Cleaning the wounds out and applying bandages would be a good idea in the near future, but I wasn't about to die. That counted as "alright."

"Don't run away now!" A man called out.

I whirled towards the voice and saw Monkey shunshin away.

_He heard the explosion and left in the middle of his fight to come check up on me. _My hand twitched as I sheathed my tanto.

I filed the information under "Discuss later" and went over to the downed girl to administer first aid to her leg. It wouldn't do to have her bleed out. My hands trembled and I got blood on the bandages before I even touched her. Leopard finished up her fight while I was pulling the knot tight, grimacing and leaving more spots of blood behind, and I watched her and her chakra move in a streak of light as she went back to the campfire to make sure the two shinobi we'd captured there hadn't broken free.

The adrenalin in my system ran out and I knew I wasn't going to do any good in any other fight, so I grabbed the girl by her collar, lifted her up enough that her head wouldn't bounce on the ground as I went, and started dragging her over there. Leopard moved again, going to assist Monkey. It took me about five minutes to get to the dying campfire, moving slowly and picking my way around broken glass, but by that time all the enemies were down.

I was lowering my opponent to the ground when the others arrived with their opponents over their shoulders, and the power difference between me and then was never more apparent. None of them had a scratch on them.

I … managed. I was _capable_. But nothing more than that.

I was ten.

I had to remember that. I was useful, for my age. Still, I felt older. I felt like I should be much better than I was.

Tiger snapped his fingers in front of my face and I realized I was zoning out.

"Sit down before you fall over." He ordered.

I did. Yūgao came over and started tugging my bracers and gloves off of me. I noticed that at some point Tiger had bound the rest of the shinobi in branches and someone had put knockout tags on all of them for good measure.

"I'm going to need tweezers, guys." Yūgao said as she inspected my hands. "But I don't think she's cut deeply enough to damage her hands permanently."

And that was the ninja way of looking at things showing through. You'd think she'd have looked at the rest of me first, but for a ninja taking care of hand injuries was very important. Handseals were most ninja's bread and butter, with the exception of the few capable of doing ninjutsu without seals. Yūgao did move on quickly though and started running a green hand over the rest of my left side.

"You shouldn't have left your fight for me." I said to Monkey. Tiger pushed his mask to the side of his face and raised his eyebrows at him.

Monkey's chakra sputtered and I belatedly realized I should turn my Byakugan off. No need for it anymore. "Of course I should've. You're important."

"I'm not talking about my worth." I snapped. "I'm talking about procedure. Besides, since you were watching you should've seen that I was taking care of my target."

In the silence that followed Yūgao unsealed a roll of bandages.

"I healed the wounds without glass in them, but I'm just going to wrap the rest." She murmured.

"You were about to kill her." He said.

"I was about to cut off her hands. Which may have killed her. If that didn't succeed I was going to kill her." I paused. "I admit it might not have been in my power to finish the fight without killing her, but I figured that we already had at least two live ninja to take back to Interrogation." My vision was starting to turn fuzzy around the edges. I decided not to mention it.

"She's right." Tenzo said.

Tadao started turning red. "Look at how injured she is! She shouldn't be fighting even chunin level ninja. I knew that before the fight started; I've known that from her taijutsu level. I was protecting her."

"But you put yourself in danger." Tenzo said. "You let yourself become distracted. It's fortunate your opponent was an idiot and chose to taunt you instead of taking full advantage of it. Then he would've gone after Owl and she would've died. Owl is fully capable of protecting herself. She's a member of this team. She might not be up to the level we are, but she is skilled enough to get by at the very least."

"You're callous." Tadao said heatedly.

"No, I'm not. I understand it feels different. You're used to teaching kids older than her and letting them grow, but ultimately controlling the fights they encounter. Owl-chan—look, never mind. I need to talk to you later, in private. We shouldn't be having this discussion right now—"

"Owl-chan?" Yūgao's hands bracketed my shoulders. Her voice was very loud and sudden, but I focused on that and breathing slowly as my vision slowly wavered in and out. "Are you alright?"

"Give me a minute." I said. "I'm trying to not black out."

"You must've lost more blood than I realized." Yūgao fretted.

I hated getting cut up. It didn't even have to be deep to be debilitating. It took three more minutes, but I pulled through and my vision returned to normal. They all insisted that I not help carry anyone back to Konoha though, so I was left with my hands free while they all had a double load.

Yūgao finished treating me back at ANBU headquarters, and then she insisted that I bring things to sleep over at her place. I packed a little overnight bag.

On the way to her apartment she took us by the market and bought meat and dark greens. I made a mental note about the expense. I napped while she cooked, and when I woke up the smell set my stomach growling. It was a good meal.

000

**Back at ANBU Headquarters: **

"She needs to feel like she's part of the team after what she went through." Tenzo said, standing with arms folded. He briefly thought this might be easier if he could tell the other man he was speaking from personal experience, but there was no use dwelling on it. "Your telling me in front of her like that, that you don't think she's good for anything but guard duty was the exact opposite of what she needed. And then if I had done it, she'd feel like an outsider and a burden."

The frustrating thing was, he _had _been about to assign her to stand watch when the other man had so tactlessly given his suggestion. He'd seen Hikaru-chan stiffen in response, and immediately knew that it was no longer the best option. He told himself he'd keep an eye on her in the ensuing fight though, and then things hadn't turned out as planned.

"I don't see eye to eye with you," Tadao said stiffly, "I think that if she saw we were looking out for her she'd still feel like part of a team. However, I'll respect your authority as team captain."

Tenzo sighed. "We can talk more about this later, when the situation isn't so raw. You're free to go."

000

I would've been lying if I didn't admit to feeling an easing in my stomach when we were given an infiltration mission a week and a half later. As long as things didn't go south, this was going to be a lot less stressful for me. An infiltration was just putting on another mask for a while. I could do that pretty well.

000

**AN: **I was going to introduce another Hyūga OC, but in the end I decided I'd rather keep and develop a previously introduced character. It may be unrealistic, but I think it's better to have a smaller character pool that's better developed than have loads and loads of characters that you don't interact with much. I was even considering having their new squad member be Kō, but decided against it. For those of you who don't remember who Tadao is, he was mentioned briefly in Hiashi's viewpoint spiel as the one who was guarding her when she was kidnapped by ROOT, and he also knows about her being reincarnated.

**Gal: **I will! :)


	14. Chapter 14

**AN**: I know I ended the last chapter with her team getting an infiltration mission, and I really wanted to write it, but trying to just ended up giving me MAJOR writers block. I figured I just needed to write what I could before I ended up never working on this again, so I skipped it.

p.s. When/if I finish writing this story I do plan on eventually rewriting it (hopefully making it 1000x better) and perhaps then I'll manage to put in that mission

**AR (After Root): 3 months**

When I had already trained until my limbs were shaking and had nothing else to do, I would sit on my bunk bed in headquarters and think. If I hadn't already been using it that day, I'd have my Byakugan on too. The visual stimulation prevented me from getting completely lost in my own head; I could think but I wouldn't drift off so much that I wasn't seeing the world around me. It had the added advantage that the more the Byakugan was used the further range it had. It had the cost of chakra usage and eye strain, but luckily I had plenty of chakra to spare and I was careful to give my eye a rest every half hour or so.

In ROOT I had done the same thing.

Today was a little different. At the moment my Byakugan was off. An open scroll was sitting before me, and I was still working on the first paragraph. Tadao hadn't trained me this morning, he'd given me this scroll saying it was from the clan head. Well, he'd used the words "your father," but I thought of the man in question in different terms. Tadao said the clan head wanted "a translation" of it, which made me curious as to what the scroll could possibly contain that he wanted me to read it and summarize it back to him.

The writing was in the large shaky hand of a three-year old. There were some sentences in even more shaky Japanese, with far more extensive notes in English. The writing grew steadier and smaller the further along it got, and it was clear there had been breaks where the writer would stop writing for a time and then come back with neater handwriting.

At first I hadn't realized what I was looking at. My eyes bounced over the Japanese parts and picked up words like "bad guys" and "mission," and then for the English I sounded out "Akatsuki" and "jinchuuriki" and then, when I remembered writing it, how old I'd been, how small my hands were and how awkward the brush had been, I had to stop myself from tearing the thing up.

I dropped it on the bed and took a deep breath. It had intelligence on Konoha's enemies, which meant it was valuable. And it was mostly in English, which meant I was the only one who could read it.

I placed my hands on my legs to still them, but it was useless. My whole body was shaking. A few deep breaths later hadn't completely calmed me, but I leaned forward to work my way through the scroll anyway.

I had to read the first paragraph five times before English really started coming back to me and the words made sense. Then I read it a sixth time, even slower.

_First things first. I'll write any and all information on Naruto I can remember, then an autobiography and as much as I can remember about Earth. I want to believe I'll never forget anything, but I know after a while I might remember a tune of a song and wish I'd written down the words; things like that. Book plots, poetry, things that made me laugh. So, Naruto: but before all that actually, just a couple things. My name is *******. I was twenty-one years old when I died. And I'm going to make a difference._

I slowly rolled the scroll back up and put it in the chest at the end of my bed, activating the security seal on it. Then I got back on the bunk and curled up into a ball, hugging my knees to my chest and burying my face in them as an unwanted torrent of emotions and memories washed over me.

A (too short) while later there was a knock on the door. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I flashed my Byakugan on for a moment and then unfolded myself and scooted off the bed. Weasal-taicho was on the other side of the door.

"Yes?" I said when I'd opened the door. A mask-less Itachi Uchiha stared impassively back at me. He was wearing street clothes.

"Would you care to have lunch with me?" He asked.

That was unexpected. "…Why?"

"To say 'thank you.' and…to apologize." He said.

His explanation did nothing to clear things up. We hadn't interacted once, so I wasn't certain what I could have done to merit his thanks or what he could have done to feel the need to apologize. "Again, why?"

At this he tilted his head ever so slightly. "You don't know." He murmured. "I can't tell you why, then. At least not here. Why don't you come with me, and then I'll tell you."

I didn't particularly want to go to lunch with him, but I wanted to be left alone in the barracks with my own thoughts even less.

"Fine." I said. "Would you mind it if I henged?"

He blinked, "Ah, yes, actually. People pay attention to who I spend my time with. If you were in disguise it could cause awkward questions."

"And my spending time with you won't? I'm quite a bit younger than you, and there's no real reason I should be socializing with you."

He shook his head. "No, to the people asking questions it would make perfect sense. It ties into the reason I'm thanking you. Besides, I have a brother your age who will also be having lunch with us. We do it every week, so his schedule is known, and if people see you walking with me to have lunch with us it's more likely that they'll assume you two are spending time together and I'm chaperoning."

Several thoughts competed for attention at once, like "I have to socialize with a child" and "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" and "You can't talk about why you are thanking me in ANBU headquarters, but you can in a restaurant in front of your brother?" but the one that slipped out of my mouth was "Shouldn't he be in school?"

A shadow of a smile appeared on Itachi's lips. "It's Saturday."

"Oh." And then, "Let me get changed." I shut the door without waiting for a reply. Then I went over to the chest of drawers I used to store my clothes and got out black capris and a light blue shirt to change into. I also put my hair into a loose ponytail on the right side of my head, arranging my hair so that my right temple was covered. That way if I needed to use the Byakugan for any reason, the fact that I was doing so would be hidden. Finally I put on my black eyepatch.

Then I went back to the door and opened it. Itachi had moved a few paces down the hall so that he wasn't blocking the door, and he allowed me to draw even with him before continuing out. Then we walked all the way to the Uchiha district, and people stared at us along the way. Inside the Uchiha district however, people didn't just stare. They bowed. Whenever I caught someone's eyes they would incline their head and shoulders a bit. Nobody approached us or went out of their way to do so, but whenever I met anyone's eyes it happened. After I worked out that it was me they were doing this to, and not to Itachi, and that it was happening based on eye contact, I kept my eye firmly on the ground.

It did answer one of my earlier questions. No wonder Itachi would feel comfortable talking about whatever-it-was in a restaurant, because we were going to an Uchiha restaurant and apparently _the entire clan _already knew about the service I'd done to their clan heir.

I glared at the ground. This was not a good day.

Finally we reached the restaurant. It was a large, prosperous, two story building that probably had a horribly expensive menu. We entered and as I slid off my shoes, I slid out of myself. People were going to be watching. I had to be Hikaru Hyuga, kidnapee and Sasuke's age-mate. Not Suté or Owl. As I slid my shoes into a cubby hole I let out a deep breath. Itachi glanced at me as he put his shoes into another cubby hole. "Alright?" he signed with a flick of his fingers. I nodded. Then, clad only in socks, we stepped up a step into the restaurant and went down a short hallway leading left. The hostess of the restaurant was waiting where it opened up into a big room. She gave both of us a polite bow and said "Itachi-sama, your table is ready and your brother is already here."

"Thank you Mei-san." He replied, walking past her.

Sasuke, true to the hostess's word, was sitting waiting for us in a large booth in the back. He was facing us, with one elbow resting on the table and head resting in his hand. The low table he was sitting cross-legged at could have fit ten people around it, and there was something almost comical about seeing him sitting there alone looking utterly bored, like he was a daimyo unaffected by a great pile of treasure.

"Hey nii-san, you're late." He said.

"A shinobi is nev—" Itachi began, but by then Sasuke had seen me. He sat up ramrod straight and interrupted his brother.

"That's—I mean you're-!" His voice sounded slightly strangled. He couldn't even finish the sentence.

"Hikaru Hyūga is joining us for lunch today." Itachi explained. "I didn't know if she would say yes, which is why I didn't warn you." He shut the sliding door to the booth, activating a security and privacy seal, and sat on the cushion next to his brother. I sat across from them. It was a bit irksome that there was a privacy seal in place and yet I was going to have to act differently anyway. However, since Sasuke was here I needed to maintain my cover. I didn't know how much he knew.

"Doesn't she have an ANBU guard? Where are they?" Sasuke questioned.

"I'm unofficially filling that position right now." Itachi lied smoothly. "Since there's three of us, let's get shabu-shabu today. I'll pay."

"Sure..." Sasuke said. I nodded. Itachi got up again to open the door and wave a waiter over to order. Sasuke was fidgeting and staring at me. As soon as Itachi closed the door again and sat back down he opened his mouth to speak, but Itachi beat him to it.

"Do you remember Sasuke-kun from school, Hikaru-chan?" He asked.

"I'm afraid not." I said, glancing at Sasuke. He deflated a little at that, but then bounced back.

"I remember _you_," he said, "at first I kept getting you and Hinata mixed up, but then she hardly ever talked and you were always rude to people, so I could tell you apart."

I raised an eyebrow. "I was?"

"Yeah," He smirked, but the expression soon turned into a puzzled scowl. "Wait. I understand not remembering me, but how can you not remember how _you _were?"

I put an elbow on the table and leaned forward, hiding my eyes (well, eye and eye-patch) with my hand. "It's complicated."

"Hey!" Sasuke said, and I lifted my head in time to see Itachi pulling his hand away and Sasuke rubbing his forehead.

"She can't talk about it." Itachi said. "What she went through is classified. Let's just say that for some people when they go through traumatic events it can affect their memory of both the traumatic event and of things not directly related to the trauma."

"But we already know about it," Sasuke objected, "so why can't she talk about it?"

"You don't know everything, and it doesn't matter how much you do know. She isn't allowed to talk about it to people without the right clearance, which you most certainly lack." Itachi said dryly.

"Why does he know about any of it?" I asked sharply. "How much—"

I was interrupted by a knock on the wooden frame of the door and I fell silent as our hot-pot arrived along with a pitcher of water and small bowls of rice for each of us. The waitress stayed to light the stove embedded in the table, add all the ingredients to the pot and stir them around for us. Then she dipped each of us up our first servings before leaving. Itachi asked Sasuke how his morning training went to fill up the awkward pause in conversation while she was there, but Sasuke switched topics as soon as she left.

"I know because I am the clan head's son and father thought I was old enough to know." He said proudly.

"Perhaps you are old enough to have felt great pain." _I certainly have. _"but you have not. And _I _do not know that you are old enough to be trusted with things I don't want spread around to the ten year old brats you gossip with at school." I said angrily.

"Boys don't gossip!"

"Yes they do." I snapped. "You might not think of it in that term, but boys talk about people when they aren't around just like girls do."

"Well I don't! And I don't talk about stuff my dad tells me at school! I'm not stupid."

"Well how much—"

"You two are letting your food get cold." Itachi interrupted, making us both pause. Sasuke grumbled but picked up his spoon and started to eat.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down a little. "That's the second time I've tried to ask that question." I said to Itachi. "How much does he know?"

"He knows what our clan was planning and who kidnapped you. That's it."

"That's it?" That was better than I could've hoped for. "So he doesn't know about…" I picked up my spoon, swallowed a spoonful of broth and slid the spoon out upside down, letting my tongue get dragged out of my mouth with it. I lifted the spoon away and pulled my tongue back into my mouth. "..anything else?" It was about as blatant a way to ask about ROOT as I could get, since Sasuke was sitting right there.

Itachi shook his head. "Nothing else."

I relaxed and the anger I had been feeling drained away. Sasuke knowing about Danzo-sama was horrible enough. He probably thought that Danzo-sama was a villain. I still didn't trust him to keep a secret, no matter what he said, so the fact that he didn't know about ROOT was a relief.

I silently activated my Byakugan, and was halfway through my second helping in the time it took Sasuke finish his first one. Sasuke scrutinized me as he dipped up his second bowl.

"You don't have to eat so fast." He said. "There's plenty of food and we won't take all of it." He glanced at his brother before forging ahead, "Did they not feed you a lot?" Then he looked at Itachi, "I can ask a question like _that_, right? I'm not asking her about a specific event."

Itachi shook his head in exasperation. "She can answer that one if she wants. If she's willing to talk about it, I don't think I can stop you."

The parameters on what I couldn't talk about weren't super specific, but they didn't need to be. I couldn't talk about missions I had been on, or say what ROOT headquarters were like or where they were or what training I had received. So, almost everything in my entire life was classified. Sasuke had actually managed to hit on one of the few things I supposed I could talk about.

Sasuke was looking at me expectantly.

"I got plenty to eat." I said. _Most of the time._

"So why eat fast? You'll make yourself sick."

_This kid_. _He should know more about shinobi life._ "It isn't about the food." I explained reluctantly, because why was I the one doing this? I made a vague circular motion with the spoon in my hand. "It's about having your hands free. In case of attack. I can use chopsticks as weapons, but not very good ones," I looked critically at the wooden utensils. "and spoons are no good. But I can use Gentle Fist best if I'm not holding anything." That wasn't training per se; no one had taught it to me, it was one of those common sense things I had just picked up along the way.

"Oh." He accepted this answer with a nod. Then he turned to his brother. "Why don't you eat that fast, nii-san?"

"I do on missions." Itachi answered, taking the ladle and dipping himself up some more "Not at home or in the village."

Sasuke turned back to me "Then why—"

Itachi put the ladle down quickly and poked Sasuke in the forehead again. "Think about it. Hikaru-chan was kidnapped within the village walls. She spent five years in danger. She doesn't feel safe anywhere, even here."

I hunched my shoulders and tried to settle farther down into my cushion, because I would _not _have put it like that but it was painfully accurate anyway.

Sasuke glared at Itachi. "You could let her answer for herself, you know. I don't need you explaining things to me like I'm an idiot."

"I wanted to give you an unbiased answer. Hikaru-chan wouldn't have said the same thing." Itachi said.

"Well, you were rude." Sasuke grumped. He looked at me, "What would you have said?"

"Just that you can't always predict when you're going to be attacked." I muttered.

"Hn" Sasuke grunted around a mouthful of food.

"Why were people bowing to me on the way over here?" I asked Itachi before Sasuke could think up something new to ask me about. "What is this about?"

Sasuke almost choked on his food. "You don't know?"

"No." I said flatly. "I wouldn't be asking if I did."

Sasuke scowled, but then his face cleared and he snorted. "You're still rude."

The corner of Itachi's mouth twitched upward at Sasuke's words. "You, however inadvertently, are responsible for bringing down one of the Uchiha's greatest enemies and improving relations between us and the Hyūga clan." Itachi told me. "We owe you our thanks. Even though you didn't have an active part you've been through a lot, so people feel the need to show you some respect. Though, since you're uncomfortable with it, I can assure you the bowing probably won't last too long."

I actually stopped breathing for a few moments when I realized who he was talking about. _Danzo-sama_. I put down my wooden chopsticks on their stand and stared at Itachi. I don't know what I was looking for; perhaps some realization on his part of who exactly he was talking to, perhaps further explanation or even a retraction. It didn't come in the ten seconds I gave him.

"I'm leaving. Now."

I stood up, ignoring Sasuke's confused expression and Itachi's slightly concerned one, and turned around and headed for the door.

"Wait." Itachi said.

I stopped automatically, then twitched in an aborted move towards the door, two instincts, fleeing vs obeying, warred briefly in me. I stilled.

"What?" I said tightly, turning around.

Itachi seemed to have realized his blunder. "I'm sorry to have implied you were in any way disloyal to the Honorable Elder, or culpable for his demise." He said carefully, "yet you were a part of saving the Uchiha clan from a terrible fate, if only because the Hyūga allying with us in order to get you back steered us away from…a foolish path. Also, you saved me from having to make a very difficult decision."

Sasuke opened his mouth and Itachi moved his arm and slapped a hand over it without even looking. "Not _now, _Sasuke."

"I must warn you" he said, speaking to me again "that there are some people who may try to give you more credit for what came out of all this than you would like." _Like myself, just now, I'm sorry. _Somehow I got the sense of those unspoken words.

I was not in any way mollified or ready to forgive him. "May I leave?" I asked sharply.

"Of course." Itachi said, voice lowering in disappointment.

I did not waste another moment getting out of that room.

000

"What was that about?" Sasuke asked irritably as soon as Hikaru left and Itachi took his hand away. "Why was she mad about the fact that she sorta helped kill her own kidnapper in a way, and what decision were you talking about?"

Itachi didn't groan, but he wanted to. He had told their father that Sasuke was too young to be let in on what was going on, but Fugaku hadn't listened.

"I'll tell you when you're older." He deflected.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Itachi pointed at him. "And stop doing that. You're too young to be acting like a teenager."

Sasuke glared. "Stop trying to distract me. I know you won't 'tell me when I'm older'" he made air quotes with his fingers, "so tell me now or I'll just ask dad and he'll tell me."

Itachi had to admit to himself that this was true. He might as well tell Sasuke half the story now or he'd get the full one from their father later. For being the head of the military police, Fugaku wasn't very concerned about keeping secrets from his family. He'd told practically everybody when Itachi was made ANBU, for example, which was supposed to be kept secret. He still didn't know about what Danzo ordered Itachi to do, partially for that reason. _Sasuke _was almost better at keeping his mouth shut about things than Fugaku was. _That was a petty thought, _he admonished himself.

"I wasn't lying when I said what she went through is classified. However, _hypothetically_, she went through lots of mental conditioning, which made her feel like Danzo Shimura was a _good _guy. So telling her she helped kill someone she thought was good made her mad. I didn't think about that when I was thinking of thanking her, and I really should have." Itachi frowned. He left out the ROOT seal, and what said mental conditioning would have involved, and obviously Danzo ordering him to kill his own clan, and that was as good as he could do.

"Oh." Sasuke said, frowning himself. "But she knows he's bad now, right? And the mental conditioning will wear off?"

"Eventually." Itachi answered, evading the first question. "No more questions. Let's go home."

000

I stopped by the bathroom to drop a henge over myself of a black haired, black-eyed, teenage girl before leaving the restaurant. I also stopped my Byakugan, since it was no longer needed. I desperately wanted to go to someplace small and dark and quiet where I could curl up into a ball, but I had no place to go. Not even the barracks at ANBU headquarters fit the bill very well, and besides Itachi might come and find me there again and try to talk to me. I wanted to cry, but I had nowhere I would feel comfortable doing it, which was…frustrating. All this emotion was frustrating.

_Honor his memory_. _Feel nothing._ I shoved my emotions away, but it left an ache in my chest.

_They think you helped kill him, that you were the catalyst. _I glanced darkly around me as I walked hurriedly to the gates of the Uchiha compound. People weren't glancing once at me, let alone twice. I was just another dark-haired dark-eyed body. _They are all evil. They're the ones who killed him. Along with the Hyūga. And you have to live in this village with them. _I shook my head. This line of thinking would only make me angry again, and that would not do. _But they are just people. And people don't matter. Remember that._

Despite the fact that I no longer felt the need to cry, I still didn't want to go back to the barracks and the scroll waiting there. I shuddered at the thought of it. Instead I decided to go to the memorial stone, because unless there was a certain silver-haired ninja standing in front of it, I was almost guaranteed some alone time. Luck was on my side for once today; the clearing was empty. I dropped the henge and lay on the grass, covering my eyes with an arm.

_I shouldn't lie down here. I might fall asleep and someone might find me. Or maybe no one would find me and I could have a nightmare. It's too bright to fall asleep though. If I were underground it would be dark. Like ANBU headquarters. Or if I were dead. Then I could rest in peace. Ha ha. _I thought sardonically. Though really, sometimes the thought of being dead sounded awfully peaceful. _I wouldn't have any stress or emotions or anything. I would just stop existing._ _Now I'm being morbid_.Perhaps it was because I was lying in front of a stone dedicated to dead people. _Maybe this wasn't the best place to go. Go figure._

"Hikaru-chan, this is a surprise."

Luck was so not on my side today. It hated me today. Also, Kakashi is crazy good at stealthy entrances.

I took my arm away from my eyes and blinked my one remaining eye to get rid of the pressure spots.

When my vision cleared and I could focus properly Kakashi was staring at the stone.

"You used to do that." He said to the air. "Lie on the grass beside me. We would talk sometimes. Do you remember?"

"Not really." I said. Despite the unpleasant revelations this morning, my early life here was still very spotty. (As was most of my previous life too, I hadn't remembered _that _much and was trying to bury it again as quickly as possible.)

"I was going through a rather hard time, then." He said. "I can understand not wanting to talk about things."

I didn't answer. There was silence, but only for a few minutes.

"Do you have nightmares?" He asked.

It was like he had been sitting reading my thoughts before making his appearance. "Did I ask you invasive questions like this?" I wondered. Surely I wouldn't have been so insensitive.

"Sometimes." He answered. "But sometimes 'how was your day' felt like an invasive question, so it wasn't like you ever had a line you knew to stop at. And it mostly helped in the long run. Now I get to return the favor." He finished cheerily. It sounded fake.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine. I'm sure you talk to Tenzo-taicho, and if there's something in my performance levels that are a cause for concern then he should be the one talking to me. Go away."

"This isn't about your performance levels."

"If this is an informal psych eval, then _yes _I have nightmares. What's it to you?" I was being rude on purpose, trying to get him to leave, but he wasn't ruffled in the slightest.

"It isn't exactly that either, but I was going to tell you that they get less frequent over the years."

"That's not very reassuring."

"But it is at least a little?"

I thought about it. "Maybe." I said. I watched as the clouds creeped an inch across the sky.

"He helped me." I blurted out. I didn't know why Kakashi was talking to me or where he wanted the conversation to go, but I was certain I didn't want to hear it. That meant I needed to distract him with something else, and since the conversation with Itachi was so close to mind I said the first thing that came to my head. (In hindsight, if I didn't want to talk I should have just shunshined away at this point. But I didn't think of that.)

"What?"

"Danzo-sama placed me in ROOT, and he helped me survive it. He helped train me. Itachi told me I was partly responsible for him dying. Like I helped kill him. But I didn't. It was the Uchiha and the Hyūga who did."

Kakashi muttered something that sounded like it involved swearing.

"Danzo-sama helped me become a weapon for the village. He didn't always teach me personally, but he was my mentor. He had a vision, even if he didn't say what it was, and he let me help him. He helped me become good enough to help him." I said, on a roll. People kept talking about him like he was evil, a traitor. Kakashi needed to understand that he wasn't.

"You're being foolish, and you know it." Kakashi said, stopping me cold.

My heart plummeted. I stood up and faced him, folding my arms.

"It isn't foolish."

"Yes it is. You are clinging on to Danzo's manipulation and brainwashing." He said, sounding frustrated. I opened my mouth and he held up a hand to forestall an interruption. "You told me _yourself _that you know Danzo tried to assassinate the Hokage. Danzo might have justified to himself that he was serving the village, but that doesn't justify him being a traitor or wanting to usurp the Hokage; people can serve the village without leading it." He paused and I opened my mouth again.

"Shu-"

"_Not only that_" he continued, bulldozing over me, "you also acknowledged yourself that Danzo kidnapping children was wrong, that they needed rescuing. And if Danzo were really perfectly benevolent then why would you think that. You—"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I was angry and weak and confused! I let myself think things I shouldn't have! I… I…. just shut up!,"

Kakashi's one eye somehow managed to convey something like pity. "You need to pull yourself out of this, Hikaru-chan. You had a seal on you for five years that placed all your loyalty onto Danzo Shimura, so it isn't exactly your fault, but it is up to you to open up and let yourself feel again. You're like a pup that's been abused and trained wrong but won't accept positive attention and retraining."

"Oh _sure_," I said angrily "because insulting me and all I hold dear and then telling me I can't accept positive attention is positive attention. You need to work on how to talk to people, Kakashi-san. It—this—not okay."

"I'm not done yet."

"Well, I am!" I shunshined all the way back to ANBU headquarters, blasting through the hallways and into the squad room.

Tadao was there.

"What now!?" I growled.

"Hiashi-sama was wondering if you had made any progress." He said, visibly taken aback. "What happened?"

It took me a second to remember what he was talking about.

"The first paragraph, but I haven't transcribed it." I said. "And nothing."

He raised an eyebrow. "This is probably the most emotion I've ever seen you display, even more than when you were annoyed at me on our first mission together. It isn't nothing."

"It's none of your business." I snapped. "If I didn't feel like sharing when you first asked what makes you think I'd talk now?"

He frowned. "You shouldn't disrespect your elders like that Hikaru-chan, but I'll let it go this time. Get working on that scroll, and then get it to me when you're done." He swept out of the room.

He had given me an order, which flipped a switch somewhere inside me. I breathed in, and breathed out, and then got out the scroll and another empty one. As I started to write out the first paragraph in Japanese my anger left me. Now I'd just have to be sure to remain distant from the words on the page so that I didn't feel any other emotions either.

000

A half hour later I was still working on "Naruto's story," struggling to remember what some of the words meant, when Kakashi came in.

"I gave you some time to cool down, Hikaru-chan. But I'm going to finish our conversation. Also, you hurt my feelings, leaving me like that."

My eye twitched and I slowly put my writing brush down. "Do they just let you come in here whenever you want?"

He smiled. "They don't always know." He came over and tried reading what I was working on upside down. "Is this your diary? Wait….what language is that?"

I closed my eye. This day literally could not get any worse. I might have been tempting fate by thinking that, but I was pretty certain it was true. I opened my eye again and Kakashi was holding the non-translated scroll, examining it with his sharingan.

"I've never seen this language before. What are you doing with this?"

"It's called English." I said. "I'm translating it. No, I won't tell you what it means or how I know it."

He had gotten to some of the Japanese bits though. "These look like they were written by a two year old. Actually, most of these sentences don't make much sense."

I stole it back, but three seconds later it was in his hands again. "I was three." I ground out. "Give that back."

Kakashi fell silent at that, finishing scanning over the whole thing with his sharingan before returning it to me.

"You wrote in what looks like it was probably an entire language by the time you were _three_." He said flatly. "While you were still learning how to write Japanese. While you were still learning how to _speak _Japanese."

I could hear the "what" in all that, but I wasn't about to elaborate. I swiftly rolled up both the scrolls and put them in my chest, shutting the lid and locking it. When I turned to look at Kakashi though, he was holding the second, translated scroll open in his hands.

I had used up my anger quota for the day. Now I just felt a horrible pain with every heart beat that came with the invasion of my privacy and a feeling of betrayal.

"Kakashi, that is private. Return it to me immediately." I didn't put an honorific on the end of his name. I didn't feel he deserved it at the moment.

He looked up, his visible eye wide, and in a wink I had the scroll locked in the chest again.

"What did you read?" I demanded.

"What on earth do you mean, you died? Why did you want to write down what you knew about Naruto-kun when you were three?"

"I died! Alright! That's what it means when I said I died! I lived on a planet called Earth and I died a painful bloody death on a highway and was reborn here! And I wanted to write about Naruto because this world was part of a story in mine and he was the main character and I was an _idiot _who thought I would live a hard, possibly painful, but ultimately happy life and could change bad things." I got up, vision blurry with tears, and shoved his chest to try and get him to go backwards. "Get out! I don't want to hear what you have to say. I don't ever want to see you again!"

He grabbed my arms to stop me from shoving him again. "You weren't an idiot."

"Get out!"

He went.

000

**AN**: My thoughts on "tough love" and how it relates to how I feel Kakashi handled his end of the conversation. I know a lot of people are proponents of tough love, but what Kakashi did at the beginning of the conversation in telling her to just get over it is not okay imo. I recently learned about a personality categorizing system (like the color system or Myers-Briggs) that I found to be even more accurate in explaining personalities than the Myers Briggs one does. It splits people into four types of animals; Lions, Beavers, Golden Retrievers, and Otters. They are more complicated then I'm going to explain, but you don't need more than the basics for the purpose of getting my thoughts on the matter. Lions are take-charge people, Beavers are perfectionists, Golden Retrievers are compassionate and loyal, and Otters are the fun-lovers. One more thing that you need to understand, it's based on a point system, so you can be like 35 of one, 28 of another, 22 of another and 15 of another so long as it adds up to no more than 100. Anything above a 30 is considered a "high" score and anything below a 20 is considered a "low" score. Your two highest scores are your primary and secondary types. Got that? Kay, moving on.

Lions are the only type that respond well to tough love. Let me repeat that. The only type. Yet somehow most of the world seems to think that tough love is something everyone will respond well to, but the truth is that for a lot of people it causes a negative reaction. It hurts, demorilizes, demotivates, depresses, causes a lack of confidence and hope.

I read Dreaming of Sunshine (which I think is the most awesome story ever despite what I'm about to say) and there's a bit in one of the more recent chapters where Asuma is telling Shikamaru to toughen up and as I was reading it I was just cringing and thinking "This would be having the opposite of the intended effect on me. I would sink further into a depression/gloom/hurt if someone said that to me while I was hurt like that" And yet a lot of people in the comments were like "Yeah, that's what he needed to hear! That's what I would need to hear!" And I was like "Really? You must all be Lions then. I'm not sure which one Shikamaru is, actually, but I don't think this would help him."

The thing is though, tough love is not only something Lions respond to well, it's actually something that they _need_. So maybe how it evolved was society saw being tough on some people was the only way to get them to turn out alright, and that just grew until it became a model for how to raise a lot of people. And remember that points system? _Everyone has some Lion in them. _ So that means it's not just like it's one quarter of the population that responds well to tough love while everyone else doesn't, because people whose secondary is Lion respond better to it too. And yet that still leaves a lot of people with low Lion scores who don't respond well to it. My Lion score is low….so I don't ever respond well to tough love.

Anyway, Hikaru is obviously based on myself, so she wouldn't respond well to it for all that she's forced herself to become mostly emotionless. I think Kakashi is a Beaver, he's definitely a perfectionist.

What I'm getting at, though, is that I think Kakashi did not handle this at all well from going straight from listening to her saying "I think Danzo was great" to responding with "You're an idiot. Stop thinking that way." And that's not even touching on how horribly nosey he is.

By the way, if you want to learn more about these personality types (seriously, I can not emphasize enough they are the most accurate thing I've ever heard of not only for understanding myself but other people as well) you can look up "the Gary Smalley personality test"

Before I had a link to a website where you could take it and someone said I should take it down because the program that went with it was snake oil. I don't actually think it is; it was a program about life strategies and communication skills, not a pyramid scheme, but I decided that perhaps having the url here was being too solicitous. If you are reading this AN for the first time and are curious about what I'm talking about, shoot me a pm.


	15. Chapter 15

Kakashi stopped outside ANBU headquarters and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"She's insane." He muttered. "Why didn't Inoichi catch this?"

He was going to have to report this to Tenzo and it would be up to him to decide whether to get her taken off of active duty.

He almost couldn't say he was surprised though. If she'd really created an entire language at age three that was a level of brilliance even few Nara possessed. Though it didn't seem that she stuck out very much in any other area, she had been rather…odd and mature even before ROOT, and that was without knowing about her apparent genius-level language skills. And the thing about geniuses was that they tended to break in even more spectacular ways than normal people. It wasn't even uncommon for people to respond to the hardships of shinobi life by disassociating and taking themselves somewhere else, it was merely to the absolute extreme she had done so. So perhaps she'd been an imaginative child. She'd created a whole world for herself based on the language she'd written and imagined a life and death for herself (_though that was _strange_ for a three year old, downright creepy actually) _Then in ROOT she must have clung to it and elaborated it and taken herself there so completely and so often that she came to believe it was true. And as for Naruto, he had no doubt that she'd met him and would find that her own notes on him were simply observations on a friend, observations she must have clung to and built up in her head in ROOT until it and her daydream world melded together narratively.

It wasn't really that bad, in a way. She wasn't an alcoholic (though she was a little young for that in any case) or something even more destructive. In fact, since it didn't seem to be affecting her performance levels he didn't doubt Tenzo would choose to let it slide. Still, it was a little odd that Inoichi either hadn't teased this out of her in conversations or, if he had, that he didn't warn Kakashi about it. The whole thing was concerning. He was going to have a talk with Inoichi as soon as he could.

000

Several days later Kakashi walked out of the Yamanaka compound looking rather dazed. He was going to have to talk with Tenzo again. In a world that had ghosts and demons and people who were able to summon Shinigami-sama himself, perhaps it shouldn't have surprised him so much, but it really did.

000

What Kakashi had said to me preyed on my mind, as much as I wished it didn't. That, plus the fact that I'd now gotten past "Naruto's story" and was unveiling details of my own life in the scroll Tadao had handed off to me, was breaking down walls I had wished I could leave untouched.

The truth was, deep inside, I knew Kakashi was right. Yet I had endured more than just a seal on my tongue to ensure loyalty to Danzo, and trying to think that perhaps I should loosen up on my emotional conditioning, or think less of Danzo, was making my skin crawl and my limbs twitch with phantom pain. It wasn't just easier to not try to change, it was less painful too. I could, sort of…sometimes (more often now than before) just accept what emotions came to me, but deliberately abandoning my training? Unthinkable.

I set the scroll down with a sigh, straitening up and stretching, trying to relieve sore back muscles. I had been at this all morning and into the afternoon, long enough that my head felt a little fuzzy. I didn't, strictly speaking, need a break again, I had already taken one for lunch, but with _this_ work I'd take any excuse to get away, and going out to get a cold drink, some sort of snack, and some fresh air to help wake me up sounded like just the thing.

I settled down on a park bench shaded by a tree with some peach bubble tea and a small bag of chips. It was a hot summer day; lots of little kids were running around on the vibrant green grass playing games of ninja tag. Several yards to the side of me was a middle aged woman with an ice cream cart. She fanned herself tiredly.

I spent a pleasant ten or so minutes enjoying my snack and was trying to suck up some last stubborn tapioca balls through the large straw when a group of girls stopped at the ice cream cart. I glanced over to see Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, and Hinata Hyuga. I inhaled so hard I started coughing on my own saliva. They looked over, and Ino hurried towards me. I was still coughing when she reached me.

"Are you choking?" She asked.

I shook my head "Just" cough "water down" cough "the wrong pipe."

Thank goodness I was henged.

Then I saw from the corner of my eye that Hinata turned her Byakugan on; maybe it was to see if I'd gotten something lodged in my throat, maybe she'd heard my voice and thought it sounded suspiciously familiar, whatever the reason the result was that she dropped her popsicle on the ground and ran toward me.

"Hikaru!"

I could have escaped. I could have shunshined away and left all three of them in the dust. There was just a small part of me that figured the longer I went without seeing her the bigger the scene would be when I finally did, and wanted to go ahead and get it over with. So I stood up, released the henge, and let her barrel into me.

Sakura walked over more slowly, and Hinata was still hugging me and crying by the time she came up. As for my own reaction, I was grateful in a distant, intellectual sort of way that emotions weren't coming into it.

Hinata didn't even try to say anything; and from the looks of it she was crying too hard to be coherent anyway. After a few minutes she managed to pull herself away and wipe at her eyes with her sleeves. Ino and Sakura were also blinking away tears.

"W-why could-couldn't you come see me ea-earlier?" Hinata sobbed, looking half like she was in shock.

How could I answer that? There wasn't a reason. I had even been by the Hyūga compound briefly when the order of yukatas and kimonos came in to pick them up and take them back to ANBU headquarters. Hinata had been at school at the time. I shrugged helplessly.

"You're not going to answer her?" Ino asked angrily. "She's been worried sick about you ever since she found out you were still alive."

Well, I could tell the truth…that the concept of family had been thoroughly beaten out of me at ROOT, or even further, that I truly had less of a connection with Hinata now than I did with even a half-remembered twin I spent over two decades with, but ROOT was classified and as for the other matter, I just didn't want to get into that right now. What was more, if I told Hinata all of that then I doubted she would take it well. Telling her 'Sorry, but I don't feel a strong emotional attachment to you and that's why I haven't bothered to see you,' well, even _I _was aware that would crush her.

"I can't answer her honestly without hurting her."

"What is _wrong_ with-" Ino paused and looked searchingly at me. I avoided her gaze by looking at the large bow she had in her hair. "Are you okay?" I had to admit, that was an _impressive _reshuffling of priorities for a ten year old. A lot of adults wouldn't go from thinking "She's being rude, something is wrong with her" to "if something is wrong, that means she's not okay, I should express concern."

I sighed in resignation. "According to most people's standards, apparently not. But I feel fine…Thank you for asking."

"Do you want to come with us to my house?" Sakura piped up "We're attracting stares." She looked around self-consciously.

"No, let's go to my house." Ino said, resolutely, grabbing my hand in a vice-like grip and reaching out to Hinata with her other. Sakura took Hinata's opposite hand so we were all four of us connected like paper dolls.

"I have to get back before they notice I'm missing." I protested as Ino started to drag us along.

"If they're that bad at noticing you're gone, you can just stay out until they find you." Ino said in a tone that brooked no argument. "Hinata needs you more than they do." Hinata made a sort of squeaky noise that was probably one of confirmation.

"At least let me henge back. I'm not supposed to be out without an escort." I didn't really need to be back for a few hours when we had a double team training scheduled. I could just sneak away if this…_thing_…stretched out too long.

Ino obligingly let go of me just long enough for me to henge before grabbing my hand again. What followed was a rather awkward time at Ino's, where Ino and her mother made us tea and snacks while I avoided giving any straight answers to Sakura's hesitant inquiries until she stopped asking questions. Hinata clung to me saying she missed me and all I could say was "I know, I'm sorry." I had meant to say it as a platitude, but as the words came out I was surprised to find that I honestly was. I was sorry that the one person I should've known better than anyone I didn't know very well at all; and that this person who was so extremely visibly distressed at having not seen me in so long and I…didn't feel much at all other than that regret.

"It's not your _fault_." Ino said from the doorway, holding a large tray of cut up fruit in her hands.

"I know." I said. "I'm just….sorry." Recognizing that I was becoming downright melancholy inside and that the next step would be an outburst of tears, I took a deep breath and a slice of Japanese pear as Ino set the tray down on the low table we were sitting at. I had done altogether too much crying and emoting lately. It was disgraceful.

Ino was more discerning, but she wasn't able to get any more information out of me than Sakura was. Hinata was the most quiet out of the three, even though there were plenty of silences to give her the opportunity to speak if she wanted. It was interesting to see how Sakura and Ino both tried to support her, filling in for her when she wouldn't talk herself. As far as I could remember, in another life this friendship never happened. At the end she spoke up with one desperate question, sounding like she already expected the answer to be 'no.'

"Can you come home yet? Can you come h-home, please?"

Could I? If I was living at home that might mean I was expected to hang out with Hinata more, and, by extension, her friends as well. And it would be difficult to explain getting called away to ANBU missions if the summons ever came while we were out and about. I would also have to say goodbye to having privacy. That was not a pleasant prospect. Not only that, but I'd have to socialize with a lot of people (relatives and peers) on a far more regular basis.

"It's not up to me." I deflected, for Ino and Sakura's sake, because if this were truly a matter of me being squirreled away in a safe-house for my own good then I wouldn't have a say in it. Hinata had been told everything, that was obvious from the fact that she assumed I was responsible for not seeing her and had a say in whether or not I could come home, but Ino and Sakura didn't know about my situation (I hoped). "But I don't think so."

Hinata's face fell in disappointment and I felt a pang of guilt that I quickly squashed. Sakura looked indignant.

"They can't keep you holed up for the rest of your life!" Sakura said. "Can you ask someone?"

"No." I said. I looked out the window, checking the position of the sun in the sky. I'd only been here an hour, so I still had some time.

Just then Inoichi looked in from the hallway.

"Dad!" Ino exclaimed. "Look who we found!"

"I can see, Ino-chan." He smiled at her, then looked at me. "Since you're here, mind if we have a little chat?"

I nodded warily and stood up because, despite the way he'd phrased it, I was pretty sure that 'no' wasn't an option.

"I'll give her right back to you girls, so don't worry."

Inoichi and I went into a different living room and he shut the door and turned to me.

"Kakashi came to me concerned about your mental health yesterday morning. I explained things to him, though it took some convincing. I want to know why you told him." He looked curious.

"I wouldn't have, but he saw something I had written in English when I was younger." I shoved my hands into my pockets, looking slightly to the left, at one of Inoichi's sleeves. "Then he read the first paragraph of the translation I was making for the Hyūga clan head."

"So it wasn't information you volunteered?"

"No."

"How do you feel about it?"

I breathed in. I breathed out.

"It isn't important." I said.

"What isn't? Kakashi finding out isn't important? Or your feelings aren't important?" He probed.

I glanced at his face and away again. "Him finding out. My past is not important."

Inoichi reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder, causing me to stiffen. "Hikaru-chan, do you really believe that?"

I swallowed, but couldn't bring myself to answer. The answer was a stone in my chest and a fire along my nerves. I could feel Inoichi's eyes on me, considering me.

"I understand," he said, "that it's easier not to feel. You think you're immune to pain; invulnerable. With emotions it's easy to tell when you're hurting, and when you don't feel much of anything you think you aren't. But you are, in a more subtle, insidious way. You have a choice, Hikaru-chan. Fight against your training, and live; or don't fight, and die a little more every day, until even missions mean nothing to you."

I shook my head. "That's not how it works, Yamanaka-sama. If I don't fight, I will still live. It is a different existence, not a non-existence."

He removed his hand from my shoulder. "It is not a happy existence, though. And even though missions are most important to you, you lack the Will of Fire. There is no passion in you."

"Does that make it an invalid way to live?"

"No, but if you cannot desire something more, then you will never truly improve or become a great ninja."

_That_ got my attention. Danzo had claimed that he would make us the perfect ninjas, so why did Inoichi think having passion was necessary? I looked into Inoichi's eyes.

"Explain, please."

"Danzo molded you to be the perfect tool. A tool cannot be excellent on its own; only when it is controlled. A great ninja, on the other hand, is great because he is always reaching for a goal; to protect the village, his friends, his family, himself. He can follow orders, but he does not need to be ordered to complete missions with excellence, that is a desire that comes from within. He is passionate, diligent, loyal, and courageous." Inoichi paused and his eyes became unfocused. "That is the ideal ninja. One who goes above and beyond in his duties. Not that he always over-exceeds mission parameters…but that he puts his whole heart into what he does." Another pause. "If you want to do the impossible, you need three things: an obstacle to overcome, a plan to overcome it, and the diligence required to carry it out." Inoichi focused his eyes back on me. "And if you, Hikaru-chan, want to become any better at fulfilling missions than you are, then you need to find a reason for living outside of them."

I looked down at the wooden floorboards. His words made a lot of sense. I just didn't see how I could apply them. I mean, yes, socialize with people, make friends, get a hobby perhaps; I knew the "answers," but didn't see how I could make myself just stop being who I was.

"I see." I said.

"Good. Think about it."

I went back to where Ino, Sakura, and Hinata were all waiting for me, and managed to make my excuses to leave. Hinata hugged me goodbye so hard I couldn't breathe, and whispered in my ear "Come visit soon."

"I'll try." I said, because saying "no" seemed too heartless but when I could get called on a mission any moment I couldn't promise "yes."

Then I left to go back to translating, feeling more troubled than I had before.


	16. Chapter 16

**AR: 5 months**

이몸이 죽고 죽어 일백번 고쳐 죽어

백골이 진토되어 넋어라도 있고 없고

님 향한 일편 단심이야 가실 줄이 있으랴

Though I die, and die again;

Though I die one hundred deaths

After my bones have turned to dust,

Whether my soul exists or not,

My red heart, forever loyal to my Lord,

Will never fade away.

Korean: 정몽주

Translation: Mark Peterson

000

My translating hit a snag when I got to the poetry. My first instinct was to simply translate it directly, but if I did that the meaning of some of the lines wouldn't make sense any longer. If I was going to find Japanese equivalents to phrases anyway, I might as well pay attention to the meter too, right? To get _all _of it as close to correct as possible.

_You shouldn't care so much about this. Hiashi-sama won't. I'm fairly certain you've already translated all the things he'll be interested in, since you've now hit the fiction/literature section of your writings._ _Of course I was ordered to translate all of it, so I will, but I needn't put special effort into this. I should just label this part "Poetry" with a note that it loses something in direct translation._

In the end I reasoned Hiashi-sama wanted the scroll translated as fast as possible and breezed through it with a direct translation for the lines, but it was a close decision and I felt unaccountably irritated about it afterwards.

_I'll go back later and redo them_.

The poetry was the last of it. I rolled the original scroll up along with the translation and stuffed them into individual cases. They were small squat things, for scrolls that weren't particularly wide but rather long.

Then it was out into the bright summer afternoon to deliver them to the Hyūga compound. Tadao had told me to return them to him when I was done, but he wasn't at ANBU headquarters at the moment which meant going to the compound. I might end up delivering them to the clan head in person, if he saw me, but I was hoping to avoid it. It would help that the Branch House buildings were separate from the Main House buildings.

I didn't bother hengeing on my way through town. There was little point any more, and if I used it I'd have to drop it in the Hyūga compound anyway. My public trips out with an ANBU escort were slowly being replaced by excursions with only one guard, who would mostly remain unseen and make a couple appearances by my side. That way I could start going out and about, and if it looked like I was alone there was an implication that I had an escort somewhere nearby. People had stopped staring so overtly by now, although pointed fingers and whispers still followed me.

I made my way to the gates of the Hyūga compound, checked in with the gate guards where they scanned me with the Byakugan to make certain I wasn't an impersonator, and then continued in.

The Hyūga compound was smaller than the Uchiha compound. Part of the reason was the nature of the Sharingan. Some Uchiha never awakened their Sharingan, and quietly married and retired as nothing more than genin, to open or work at businesses and raise the next generation of Uchihas. On the other hand, every Hyūga was born with the ability to use the Byakugan, which was just as valued on missions as the Sharingan and in high demand. There weren't nearly as many civilian Hyūga as there were civilian Uchiha. There was also the fact that many Uchiha served on the Uchiha police force, which had a much lower mortality rate than going out on missions did, which meant that the Uchiha, as a whole, had more living, and those living lived longer, than the Hyūga did.

I walked briskly through the more commercial part of the compound to the residential section. The Branch House buildings were all past the Main House buildings, so I'd have to pass my former home and hope that neither the clan head nor his elder daughter had their Byakugan on. Hinata would be home from school by now.

Maybe I _should_ stop by and say hello.

My steps got slower and slower until I was walking by my former house at a snail's pace, to give myself more time to decide. I didn't stop though, and I still hadn't decided by the time I was past, so I continued on at a more normal walking speed.

Tadao had doubtless told me to return the scrolls to him under the assumption I wouldn't want to come to the Hyūga compound myself. Well, I was here. There was no need to use him as an intermediary. Still, orders were orders. I wasn't going to disobey them. I didn't want to see Hiashi Hyūga anyway.

Tadao's wife opened the door. That surprised me a little. I'd never thought of him having a family. There were little slippers in the entryway too; he had kids. We exchanged introductions, her name was Aiko, and she invited me inside but I declined, and at this point Tadao had come around to see who it was.

"I'm finished." I told him, handing over the scroll cases. "Sorry to bother you at home."

"What are these?" Aiko asked.

"It's private," Tadao told her apologetically, "for Hiashi-sama. Thank you Hikaru-chan."

"You're welcome." I bowed in farewell.

On my way back to ANBU headquarters I passed by a bookshop. I paused and then turned back, entering it. My presence was announced by a jingle. I hardly knew what I was doing. Was I actually going to buy something? They might not even have any poetry books. I might waste my time browsing for nothing. Still, after spending the whole day translating poetry badly, I suddenly had the desire to read some poetry written properly in Japanese. Also, Inoichi's advice was stuck in the back of my mind. If I took up reading at least that was a hobby that didn't involve spending time with other people.

A man with a shock of gray hair holding a novel with a bright cover looked up at my entrance. I turned right around to leave, any desire for leisure reading completely gone. Even if it wasn't, I now doubted very much if this store even had poetry books.

Kakashi tapped my shoulder. "Maa, no need for that. I was just leaving."

At least he wasn't forcing me to talk to him. Then he went outside and leaned right next to the door. I could see him out the window. I was tempted to roll my eyes. He was being considerate enough to give me space to get what I wanted in the bookstore, but then there were two possibilities. One was that he was going to pounce on me right as I left. Or, two, he might just want to come straight back in and continue browsing. I wasn't going to assume that his staying close by revolved around me.

I _had _been going to take my time looking around, but now I wasn't in the mood to stay long. I asked the store cashier if they had poetry books. He led me to a shelf and pointed to a small section. There were only eight books, and one of those was a slim chapbook. I took the chapbook and bought it, not bothering to look inside it before stuffing it in a pocket. I asked the cashier if there was a back entrance, but there wasn't, so I braced myself for the possibility that I was about to be accosted and left the store.

Sure enough, Kakashi straightened up and said "I want to talk" before the door was finished swinging shut.

I was about to tell him to go away when I remembered something. "Is this going to make you late for something?" I asked, partly suspicious and partly curious. I hadn't been reading all about "Naruto" the anime without picking up a few things about its "characters" that I'd forgotten.

Kakashi drooped. "I can't believe this. Not you too." He said mournfully. "Who told you? Tenzo?"

"No." I said, which brought me back to thinking about the scrolls and why I was mad at him in the first place. "I don't want to talk to you."

Kakashi looked around. "What if we went somewhere more private?"

"I _said _I _don't want_ to talk to _you_. If the location bothered me I would have specified in the first place."

"I know Hikaru-chan, but this is rather important. It would be much better if you could blow off some steam at me than avoid me for the rest of your life. What if I rejoin ANBU and you have to work with me at some point?"

I thought it over. "I'm going to yell at you." I warned him.

"That's the point." He said nonchalantly and held out a hand. I took it warily and he shunshined us away.

000

We landed in Training Ground 3, which I had sort of expected. It was more private than other training areas, being partially enclosed by trees, and it wasn't used very often because of the memorial stone which nobody wanted to damage by accident.

I let go of his hand as fast as humanely possible.

"_Firstly_ what part of 'I don't want to talk to you' do you not understand?" I said sharply. "I agree that your logic is sound, but you're still disregarding what precious little desires I have. _I don't want to talk to you!_" I didn't want to do something that someone else wanted me to do. It felt good to say it. "But no, we're going to do this because it's for my own good, is that it? Never mind how I feel."

I took a deep breath.

"On that subject, _why_ did you think it was a good idea to read those scrolls?! Oh, I know, you were just going to _satisfy_ your _curiosity_ and at the same time _shred _what little privacy I had left to _smithereens_. Because that's a great idea! But _it doesn't matter!_ None of it matters! I don't, you don't, my past doesn't!" My hands clenched to fists. Anger, dark and hot, bubbled up inside me.

"So why do I_ care so much!?_" I yelled. "I just want to _stop caring_! And _stop_ _feeling_! But everyone's pushing me to feel something! Tenzo-taicho keeps cracking lame jokes and Inoichi-sama put me on a regimen of pills that I want to throw away but he ordered me to take, and Yugao keeps on inviting me over for dinner to talk about anything she can think of and Hiashi-sama made me translate that scroll, and Hinata-" angry tears appeared at the corner of my eyes "-Hinata _loves _me" I spat out. "even though she must barely be able to remember a time when we were together!"

My voice lost some of its energy. "It's all wrong. It feels wrong. I keep remembering more of who I was. I'm not her, I'm not Hikaru Hyūga-I didn't even get a chance to be, I'm not Suté; I just want to shut my brain off and be nobody." I covered my eye with an arm as the tears came "But I can't stop existing. I believed in an afterlife before, so I knew it in my first life and I know it even more now. I don't know if I die if it really will be the end or if I'll just become somebody else. I can't stop existing even if I want to. In that other life, I wanted to be happy. How can I keep living now when I don't want to be anybody?"

My breathing hitched. The tears kept coming.

"I just want to stop. I'm tired."

Kakashi waited patiently until wiped my tears away and could focus my eye on him again.

"Sa, feel better?"

I glowered at him. "No." My head ached and my nose was threatening to drip. I sniffed and wished for a tissue. I looked down, shoulders hunched, arms folded. I was sick with nervousness, and my chest felt empty, but it was a hungry emptiness. I tended to think of my heart as a void, or space, just gently vacant; what I was feeling now was a black hole. What was worse, I didn't know what it wanted.

I heard Kakashi hmm in consideration.

"Sorry," I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed, "I know this is super awkward."

"No, it's fine." He said quickly.

I looked at him. "Liar." I said, without any heat.

"Ehh." He said, "Right. Well, uh…"

I tried to make my emotions settle down, and to think of something else to say, but the longer the silence went on the higher the tension rose and the less rational my thoughts became. I could feel my face turning red.

"So, how old are you anyway?"

The ache in my chest went from anticipation to disappointment. I let out a long sigh, feeling the blood draining back out of my face. Whatever support I needed, I wasn't going to get it here. I'd written that Kakashi was twenty-six when the story started, which made him what? Twenty-four right now. And he wasn't exactly emotionally healthy himself. I hadn't meant to let all that out; I was just going to vent my frustration about _him _at him, but then I'd gone and ranted anyway. It had been a mistake.

"Thirty-two, I think." I said quietly.

I wasn't at all certain how to count it, in terms of mental age. I wasn't in the _best_ headspace as a teenager before, not really bad, but I had a couple emotional things I needed to work out, and I remembered that settling down starting in college, partially because of environment and also, I think, because I'd reached a different stage in development. I didn't have that…stability anymore, but I wasn't certain if it was because I was in a ten-year-old body or because of the experiences I'd gone through here or both. So, was I really thirty-two mentally, if my basis was how a regular thirty-two year old brain reacted to things? Or some age younger than that?

Kakashi's eye widened in surprise.

I looked down at myself and back up at him. "What, you couldn't tell?" I deadpanned, not exactly in the mood to put on a "joking" voice.

.

.

.

.

"Did you just-" Kakashi began.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

I didn't even flinch as Gai landed next to us and sent dirt flying.

"MY MAGNIFICENT RIVAL! HOW FORTUITOUS IT IS TO FIND YOU HERE!"

Did he realize how loud he was? It was like putting in headphones and forgetting you'd turned the volume on your device up to a hundred. I resisted the urge to cover my ears.

"Gai!" Kakashi barked. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"

Gai looked at me, taking in my appearance.

"Kakashi." He said gravely "It is most unyouthful of you to make a budding blossom of Konoha cry."

He turned to me "I shall do my best to apologize for my rival!" he said.

"Gai," Kakashi tried.

"I am horrified at his ill manners!" Gai continued persistently. Then he paused.

Kakashi tried to take advantage of the silence "I didn't—"

"I AM HORRIFIED AT MY ILL MANNERS! I have not yet introduced myself! I am Konoha's Magnificent Green Beast! Might Gai at your service!" He struck his "nice guy" pose, giving me the thumbs up and star-spangled smile and everything. "I am guessing that I have the honor of addressing Hikaru Hyūga! Is that so?"

I nodded.

"If you would let me—"

"I have heard several things about you!" Gai said. "You are most youthful for someone in your tender years!"

"Thank you."

"Could you just—"

"AND YOU—" Gai pointed a finger trembling with passion at Kakashi. "I came here to challenge you to a contest anyway, but now I challenge you in defense of this young blossom of Konoha! If I cannot succeed, I shall run one-hundred laps around Konoha on my hands! Backwards!"

"It isn't his fault." I said. "And could you please stop shouting?"

Gai looked poleaxed. "I HAVE- I mean, it seems I have wrongly accused you Kakashi."

"Yes." Kakashi bit out "As I have been trying to tell you. We were having a private conversation."

"I see. I shall find you later then." He turned to me "Is there anything I can do to make up for this intrusion?"

"Train me to be stronger." I blurted out, and then covered my mouth in horror.

For a second time Gai was stunned.

"HOW YOUTHFUL!" He enveloped me in a hug. "I shall do my best to train you or I shall do one thousand, no, five thousand laps around Konoha!"

"Gai, let go of her." Kakashi said. "We're still in the middle of our conversation."

"Oh, yes." He released me. "If you are serious about training with me then meet me here tomorrow morning at 4:30am!"

"I really just want a few pointers…" I tried to back out desperately. "I also have other obligations."

"We shall work around your schedule!" Gai said. "Though if you wanted me to simply lay out a regime for you, that would work too. I also would be unable to help you every day."

"Yes, that works." I said, relieved and wondering what had possessed me.

"Very well! I will see you later!" He disappeared in a whirl of leaves.

"You know," Kakashi said slowly "I thought you were insane, and now you have removed all doubt."

"Right." I said, "I don't care. If we must continue talking, can we do so later?"

"Got somewhere to be?"

"Yes." I lied. The truth was that I wanted to go back to ANBU headquarters and get myself back into my ROOT mindset. The disloyalty I had shown to Danzo's ideals by emoting _at all_ was appalling, let alone what I'd actually _said_. I needed to meditate. I'd gone far too long without centering myself. I would have to be thorough and make certain it really sunk in.

Kakashi shrugged. "Alright then."

I left post-haste.

When I got back to ANBU headquarters the first thing I did was dig out that little chapbook of poems and take it outside to throw in a trashbin. To think I'd even bought it. Then I went back inside and settled cross-legged on my bunk. Time to get my head right.

000

Gai ran me into the ground the next morning to test my limits and then he hashed out a basic training plan for me. He also gifted me with some old beginner weights of his to be worn on my arms, legs, chest and back. I thanked him woodenly and retreated, dragging myself back to ANBU to shower.

Going back to bed wasn't an option. Tenzo came by and announced that we'd just been assigned a long-term mission and needed to set out as soon as possible. I welcomed the news. I needed out of this place, away from the village where I was at risk of running into people who knew me. I packed my bags and got into uniform. I slid my mask on last of all. Owl looked out at the world. I was ready to go.

When our team met in a copse of trees outside the village walls there were three additional people who joined us. Our team was going to be working with another ANBU team for this mission, since ANBU teams were so small now. The other team was led by one Eagle-taicho in a bird mask that had a red triangle shape on the forehead and two black marks that looked almost like gills under each eye-hole. His name was Kōsuke and he had spiky brown hair. He only had two other ANBU working under him: Rat, a former ROOT member also called Sai, and Crow, one Aoba Yamashiro.

"Hello, Bat." Sai greeted me.

"Hello Sai." I had worked with Sai before. He thought I was completely blind the first time we met so he called me a bat. It didn't make a difference to me if he called me that or ugly, which is what he called most girls shortly after meeting them. The only thing that bothered me about it was that he didn't use proper designations.

"Her mask is Owl, Rat. Do you need your eyesight checked?" Kōsuke asked.

"No." Sai said, smiling his fake little smile.

"He gave me a nickname when we were in ROOT." I explained.

Aoba grabbed Sai and gave him a noogie "You gave a girl an endearing nickname? Sai, you didn't tell us you had a girlfriend!"

Sai pulled away from him protesting, "She isn't my girlfriend!"

"Sure, sure." Aoba said. "When and how did you meet?"

"When I was five, I think. For some training." I said. All the kids had occasionally trained in a group.

Aoba folded his arms and looked at Kōsuke, "These kids really don't know how to joke, do they?"

Kōsuke just scowled and pulled his Eagle mask over his face. "I told you to shut up about that."

Aoba's shoulder's dropped and he frowned at the rebuttal. "Right."

"Let's get going."

We headed out. Rat angled himself until he was running beside me.

"It's been awhile." He said.

"Yes."

"It feels strange." He commented.

It did and it didn't. The last time we worked together Danzo was still alive and we were wearing ROOT masks. Now Danzo was dead and we were wearing ANBU masks. The weight on our faces was the same, and the world looked the same, even if we were working for a different cause and a different man. Anyway, that wasn't important right now.

"You still don't talk much." Rat said.

I didn't answer him.

"She talks about things she cares about." Leopard piped up from behind us. "She even initiates conversation sometimes."

I wanted to look her into silence, but craning my neck that far would only cause me to lose my balance.

"Really?" Rat asked. "I thought you didn't care about anything."

I remained silent. He had an opinion. He just had that opinion challenged. He was looking for confirmation from me. I didn't think it necessary to provide it.

"She cares about missions." Leopard offered after a minute. "And rules."

"Well, Rat here doesn't know when to stop talking." Crow said teasingly, joining in. "He has no filter."

"I'm honest." Rat said.

Eagle muttered something too low to hear.

"What was that?" Rat asked.

"Nothing." Eagle growled.

The conversation dropped and no one had the inclination to pick it back up again. We ran all day and stopped for the night.

After setting up camp and gathering around for a cold, hard dinner of ration bars, Eagle and Tiger-taicho addressed us.

"There's been a growing problem of human-trafficking in Fire Country." Eagle began, "And reports of one group have started coming in. It's our job to infiltrate them, find out who's backing them, and then dismantle them from the inside." He looked to Tiger-taicho.

"We know the general area they are operate in" Tiger picked up the thread, "but have no specific location for their base yet. We'll need to either find them or bait them out. That's part of what will make this a long term mission, since we have a large area to cover. We'll try finding them first through a search, and baiting second. If we have to bait them, their most likely targets will be homeless or loners, people who won't be reported missing for a while, so a couple of us would have to masquerade as such for a while."

Aoba raised a hand "How large an area are we talking about here? I can send my crows and Sai here has his rats, so it shouldn't take too long to find them, right?"

"It depends. Right now we're assuming that the base of operations isn't too far away from the towns they're picking people up from. If they're coming from far afield it will take a lot longer to find them." Tiger said.

"Heh." Aoba crossed his arms behind his head. "Leave it to me. I'll find them for you in no time."

Eagle pushed his mask to one side of his face, revealing tired light blue eyes and a mouth set in a sneering frown. "Tch." He rubbed the spot in between his eyes with a thumb before replacing his mask.

"We do seem pretty well staffed on scouting types." Yugao said after a moment as she opened up a ration bar. "There's you and Sai, like you said, and Hikaru and Tadao with their Byakugan. I think the hard part is going to come after we find them."

Tiger nodded. "Kōsuke and I have been talking that over. Here's the plan…"

The moon was high in the sky before we went to bed.

000

**AN**: Eagle is a character in the anime. As far as I know he doesn't have a name or a fleshed out personality, so the name Kōsuke and his gruff personality are inventions of mine.

Also, I'm doing Nanowrimo, and this is the project I'm working on, yay! Expect more chapters this month!


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: **lizyeh2000, the change of POV is for you. :) And k123, part of your review is here too. I wasn't planning on doing either of them, so thank you both for the ideas.

000

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

000

Kakashi hoped he was doing the right thing. He had memories of Rin yelling at him and Obito when she was worried about them or angry with them, and it had always seemed to make her feel better afterwards. He couldn't say why, and admittedly he'd never really listened to her fussing, but he'd been an idiot back then.

This time he listened. She was angry at him, but he didn't care about that. No, it was the rest of what she said that was important. He was going to have to talk with Inoichi-sama again.

Hikaru wasn't Rin though. Apparently letting off steam wasn't enough, which put Kakashi at a loss.

Why couldn't she have been like Tenzo? Sure, the kid had tried to kill him, but he'd worked out his own change of identity with seemingly little fuss. Kakashi barely had to do anything. Actually, scratch that, he _had _had to yell at him a bit during their battle, but Hikaru probably needed something different.

Kakashi wasn't sure of what to say. He'd muddled through his life pretty much on his own, so he didn't have helpful memories of what others had done for him that he could turn around and do for her. Well, there was Gai's attempts to cheer him up…but he wasn't about to try and emulate the bombastic ninja. If only there were some helpful template a person could follow in situations like this.

Maybe he should take her mind off things a little? People liked to talk about themselves. Perhaps if he got her talking more, she'd be able to get things sorted out on her own. My, her face was getting rather red. That couldn't be good.

"So, how old are you anyway?"

Her face returned to its normal wan complexion. "Thirty-two, I think."

_What. She's eight years older than me. Mentally, that is._

"What, you couldn't tell?" She said dryly.

_And she just made a joke._ This was going better than he could've hoped for. Except, still. _What._

And then Gai had to come in and ruin the mood. Perhaps he shouldn't have let her go so easily, even though it was obvious she was just trying to get out of the conversation. Ah well, he'd done his best. All's well that ends well, and all that. He'd try again tomorrow.

The next day she was gone. Off on a mission, he surmised, when he couldn't find her anywhere and Tenzo also seemed to have disappeared. He was leaving ANBU headquarters after checking one last time and a breeze happened to ruffle the pages of a small book sitting in an almost full trashcan just outside. He took a closer look. The cover was dark blue, just like the little book Hikaru had had in her pocket after coming out of the bookstore yesterday.

_Already done with it? _He wondered. _You shouldn't throw books away after reading them. They're meant to be enjoyed multiple times._

He plucked the book from the trash and pried off some sort of candy stuck to the back cover, ripping some of the first layer of paper off with it. _Oops._ Then, curious, he looked inside. _Poetry? That's…boring. _He shrugged and put the book in a back pocket. _I'll return it to her when she gets back. _

Over the next several days, their conversation would strike him at random moments. Once it happened when he was making himself some tea. He startled filling his kettle with water. _Thirty-two! That means that when she was...four when we first met, she was really, let's see, twenty-six. _He stared at the kitchen wall and ignored the water when it overflowed from the kettle. _She was older than I am now._ He stared at the wall for several more minutes before shaking himself and turning the water off.

A few days later he realized. _She was just a year or two younger than I am when she died._

_I shouldn't have let her run off like that. _

Not that he had anymore idea of what to say to her now than he had before. He felt like he should say _something_ to all of that though. _I really need to go talk to Inoichi-sama. Maybe he'll give me some suggestions._

000

We ran for four days before reaching our destination; a large town called Hayakawa* in the north-west of Fire country. The Land of Earth was closer to us than Konohagakure now. Hayakawa was the largest town in this area; it was bigger than Konoha was. It was close to the border we had with the Land of Grass, and tended to be a stopping point for trains of merchants coming from the Land of Earth, Land of Grass, and Land of Waterfalls into Konoha. There were big warehouses where the merchant's inventory was checked to make certain nothing illegal was being brought into the Land of Fire.

It was going to be our starting point; we'd listen in town for any rumors or local reports that would confirm this was, indeed, somewhere people were being kidnapped from as reported and then we would split up and radiate outwards to check other smaller towns and villages and countryside. Two of us would stay in Hayakawa to collect reports from everybody and send out pertinent information to everyone. One of those people would be either Eagle or Tiger-taicho, since they were the team captains, and one of those people would be either Aoba or Sai for relaying and receiving messages. We would decide on who later.

000

"Daaad," I whined loudly to Tadao when we got to the inn "why can't we just stay at Grandpa's house?"

"It isn't big enough, you know that."

Sai tugged on Tadao's sleeve. "I want a separate room. Can I have a separate room? I'm old enough."

"Hey, if he's getting one I want one too!" I said. "You always give him everything!"

"You two are not getting separate rooms." Yugao said, before turning a sharp smile on Tadao, "I am though." She turned to the annoyed woman at the counter. "He lost us all our luggage, can you believe that? I knew we should've hired someone just to be sure. No use in saving money if it costs you later."

"Two rooms please, for a month." Tadao said tiredly.

We all trooped into the same room at first. It was a medium sized room, with two single beds, a chair, and a bathroom. Yugao perched at the edge of one of the beds and dropped the henge that had made her look ten years older. Tadao went into the bathroom to take out the contacts that had disguised his eyes. I kept the henge that gave me two brown eyes on; I preferred just keeping it going even though it was a chakra drain. I had some to spare.

Sai sat down on the floor of the room at the foot of one of the beds and pulled a scroll out of his bag. I sat down across from him. Sai glanced up at me and then took out his ink bottle and brush.

"Eh, you like to watch me draw. I forgot that."

I stared at the paper. Two days ago, I probably would have answered him. Now I didn't see the need. Watching him draw was something I did, not something I had feelings about.

Sai thrust his brush at my face, wooden end first, forcing me to jerk my head back to avoid being poked. "You haven't changed a bit, Suté." He complained. "Danzo isn't going to punish us anymore for saying what we want and feeling what we want."

I gave him a look askance. "My motivation for acting the way I do isn't to avoid pain. It's to be a good shinobi."

Sai's brow furrowed. "….Whatever."

Yūgao and Tadao watched too as his brush barely seemed to touch the paper as he sketched out a couple rats with incredible speed. He brought the rats to life. They left through the window to go fetch the others where they were waiting outside the town borders.

"That is an unusual technique," Tadao said. "Did you develop it?"

"Yes." Sai said. "I have always had a talent for drawing. It seemed fitting to turn it into something useful."

"No," Yugao said, "you shouldn't think like that. Drawing doesn't have to be a jutsu to be useful."

Sai's cheeks turned a little red. "I know that. I meant useful for…well, what Danzo-sama wanted." He lowered his head and started putting his things away.

I made a noise of agreement in my throat.

Tadao shifted and cleared his throat, but before he could say anything Sai spoke again.

"I like drawing other things." He snapped his pouch shut and then drew his legs up to his chest and hugged them. The ten year old suddenly looked very young and small. "But I had to hide them. Shin always said I mustn't get caught."

Yugao sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Who's Shin, Sai?" She asked.

He shrunk from her touch, scooting away from her and burying his face in his knees.

"Shin was his partner." I said, standing up and intending to ask for the key to the other room.

Tadao and Yugao evidently didn't have to be told what that meant. Yugao reached over and pulled Sai into a hug. This time he didn't resist. Tadao also pulled me into his side, where I went stiff as a board.

"It wasn't your fault." Tadao said, voice a bit rough. "I have a son your age, you know. You'd be in the Academy with him right now, if things were different, instead of being out here on a mission."

"Then I'd never've met Shin." Sai said, voice muffled from Yugao's shoulder. "I didn't have to kill him. He was really sick. But it was my fault I tried to forget what our friendship felt like after."

"No it wasn't" Yugao murmured, stroking his hair, "You were doing what you felt you had to, to survive. Shin would understand that."

After a while there was a soft knocking at the window. I pulled away from Tadao and opened it.

Aoba came in first, pausing when he noticed who Yūgao was holding in her arms. "Shin?" he mouthed at me. I nodded. He climbed quietly into the room. Kōsuke and Tenzo followed him.

"Where is our room?" Kōsuke asked Tadao.

"Across the hall." Tadao said, tossing him the key. "Don't be too loud."

"Tch, you don't have to tell me." Kōsuke said. Then he stalked across the room and crouched in front of Yūgao and Sai. He patted Sai on the head.

"Oi, Sai."

Sai slowly raised his head.

"Good job with the rats. They worked perfectly."

Sai nodded and managed a small smile.

"There's a good boy. Get up now."

Yūgao started to protest but stopped when Sai got up, albeit reluctantly.

Kōsuke henged into "Mom Yūgao" without a sound.

"Aoba." Kōsuke said in Yūgao's voice.

Aoba henged into me and then all three of them left to go to the other room.

"Sa, shall we play rock paper scissors to see who gets the beds?" Tenzo asked.

000

The next day we all scattered, Sai and I ran out of the inn together arguing about who could run to our grandpa's house faster. We raced each other for a couple blocks and then split up.

I searched around for a bit before finding a park.

Instead of joining in with any of the kids, I sat down on a wooden bench and kicked my legs, looking around. The park had plenty of space, but the kids weren't running around much. There was a small group on the slides and swings, about five girls all building sandcastles in a sand pit, some kids sitting in a group playing cards. They were all confined activities where it would be easy to keep track of everyone. A couple grandpas were playing shogi to my left using tables set up for that purpose. There were a lot of moms talking on benches where they could all talk and watch the kids at the same time, rather than sitting at the picnic tables where some of them would have to be facing away from the kids as they played. It didn't take long before one of those moms came over.

"Hello, dear." She said, sounding slightly worried, "are your parents around?"

"Yeah. They're at grandpa's" I said, bored. "They didn't want me underfoot."

"Oh, do you mind if I sit here?" She asked, sitting down next to me without waiting for an answer. "So you're just visiting?" She asked, trying to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear only for it to get snagged on the pads of her fingers.

"Uh huh." I said, as she huffed and brushed her hair away. "It's my first time here."

"Oh dear, you need to be careful." She said. "There's been some strange people around lately. Don't go exploring, ok? Do you know where your grandpa lives?"

"Yeah," I scratched my forehead, "over there." I pointed in a random direction.

"Okay dear." She said. "if you need any help you can just ask." She stood back up to leave.

"Ok." I watched as she went and talked briefly to one of the girls playing at sandcastles and then sat back down with the other ladies. She seemed kind of lonely and distant; she wasn't talking to the other women.

_Hmm. That was useful._ After about half an hour I went over to where the woman had rejoined the other ladies and told her "Thank you, maybe I'll see you tomorrow!" Then I wandered off in the direction I'd pointed in.

Then I went exploring for the rest of the day.

000

"They're targeting children." I told Tenzo when I went back to the inn. Sai, Yūgao and Kōsuke were already back, with Tadao and Aoba yet to return. I relayed to him the conversation I'd had in the park.

"Hmm" Tenzo-taicho agreed, "that matches up with what the rest of us found. Parents are nervous, but not yet at the point where they aren't letting the kids go outside. It hasn't spread to the whole town either, so they're being careful about it. They probably haven't been kidnapping with too much frequency here, letting things die down before coming back."

"That means they have a _very_ large pool to draw from." Kōsuke said. "If they haven't been relying on a population as large as this. Tch. Figures."

Tadao walked in and Aoba tapped on the window not long after that.

"Some of the warehouses at the west edge of town have large basements that could be potential selling spaces." Tadao said. "They're all empty at present, with no signs of activity."

"I sent a couple crows out, but I didn't find anything suspicious." Aoba admitted.

"That's fine, Aoba." Kōsuke said, "I think we can safely say that there has been some activity in this town. Now we need to check the neighboring villages."

"Perhaps we could have Hikaru and Sai stay in town for now, closer to whoever will be staying in the inn. They can't cover as much distance as us." Tadao suggested. He looked at Tenzo, "That sound good?"

Tenzo nodded. "It might be knocking on a strong stone bridge, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I think they'd be fine, but we might as well."

"I can stay in town tomorrow." Kōsuke said. "And Sai is staying anyway, so we have that settled."

It was getting late, so we went to bed.

000

When I woke up the room was empty. I went to the room across the hall and knocked on the door. Kōsuke opened it a crack. He had a ration bar in his mouth. He looked down on me and widened the door enough to allow entry. I saw that Sai was still asleep in bed.

"Good morning." I said, before going over and snapping my fingers by Sai's ear. He shot up and looked around wildly, before seeing me and rubbing at his eyes.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"I'd like some rats." I told him. "Just in case."

Sai got out of bed obligingly and got out his stuff. I sat down to watch him as he drew me a couple and yawned.

"You going to go keep your ears out?" Kōsuke asked.

I glanced at him and nodded. "Yes, taicho."

"Tch." He said, "Don't get yourself killed."

"Be careful." Sai told me as his rats found places to hide in my clothing.

I nodded. "See you later."

I clambered down the stairs to the main level of the inn and out the doors. I retraced my steps to the park I'd found on the east side of town yesterday, but the outgoing lady wasn't there. Pity, I had a hunch I could get more information out of her. Maybe I could find her.

I headed north and found another, smaller park. I scanned the people there. _Bingo_. I went up to her and gave her a wry smile. "I found you." I said.

"Oh!" She said, surprised. "Hello again dear." Then she looked disapproving. "Did you go exploring just to look for me?"

"Yeah." I scratched my forehead. "I was bored." I shrugged "I got here fine."

"Well, thank goodness. But you should be careful. What's your name, dear?"

"Mei. What's yours?"

"Homura, dear. How old are you?"

"Eleven."

"Oh, I have a daughter named Mami who is just a year older than you." She cupped her hand to her mouth and shouted at a group of girls. "Mami! Mami! Come over here!"

Mami was a thin girl evidently of a forward and clingy nature, because she grabbed onto my wrist before I'd finished telling her my "name."

"I'm sure you two can be great friends, as long as you're in town Mei." Homura beamed at me.

This was perfect.

"Where are you from?" Mami asked me, tugging me a little ways away from her mom but not leaving hearing distance.

"Shukuba" I said, naming a town close to Konoha.

"That's so far away!" She gasped. "Why'd you come here?"

"Visiting my grandpa." I said. I glanced at Homura, and then leaned in and whispered in Mami's ear "my parents have been fighting a lot, and they're trying to convince him to let me stay with him. I might be staying here. We could be friends."

I saw Homura smile gently out of the corner of my eye.

Mami's eyes widened. "That's awful!" she whispered "Don't they care about you?"

"They hardly even notice that I'm gone." I said, raising my voice again and kicking at the ground. "I can go anywhere I want now, it's weird." I said. "It makes me kinda nervous, sometimes."

"Well, there's two of us now," she said. "so we'll be fine. Hey, I know a great ice cream place a couple streets away. Do you want some?"

I grinned. "Sure!"

"Mom! Can we get ice cream?"

"Of course, dears. Be safe. You know the way, don't you Mami?"

"Yes, Mom"

"There's a dear, be quick about it."

000

I was completely unsurprised when Mami suggested we cut through some alleyways.

Really, I'd been _astronomically_ lucky.

Pretty soon we found ourselves at a dead end. Mami whistled.

"Mami?" I feigned confusion, before she wrapped a skinny arm around me and held a knife to my throat.

"Don't scream." She whispered fiercely, "or I'll cut your throat."

One of the buildings had a back door. A large man opened it and beckoned Mami inside. Once he'd shut the door he grabbed me from her and wrapped an arm around my neck.

"Git goin'" He said, and she left.

I wasn't worried. He wasn't choking me and if I wanted to I could disable him with a Gentle Fist strike via my elbow into his gut. Still, I let my breathing speed up and made little noises of distress.

"Quiet," He growled, "or I'll snap your neck."

He dragged me down to the basement and threw me in, leaving and locking the door behind him.

**AN:**

*Disclaimer: I looked up Japanese town names, so this is the name of a real place in Japan. Hayakawa (in this fic) is, well, fictional and if there's any resemblance to the real thing it is purely unintentional.

Also, I'm messing with the ages of how old characters were when things happened, partially to suit the purposes of my story and partially because Kishimoto's timelines make no sense anyway.


	18. Chapter 18

**Trigger Warning: **Child exploitation, sex trafficking, and torture. Nothing explicit.

**AN: **The next chapter will be lighter, I promise.

000

…For I have learned

To look on nature, not as in the hour

Of thoughtless youth; but hearing oftentimes

The still sad music of humanity

William Wordsworth

Tintern Abbey

000

There were two other girls in the basement, huddled in a pile in a corner and covered in blankets. They were fast asleep. A bucket was in another corner.

I sat down against a wall and went ahead and wrote a short note, giving it to one of the rats and watching as it placed it inside its mouth. I sent it off to clamber up the wall where it slipped through a tiny grate near the ceiling at ground level.

The cellar was cool, bordering on chilly. The stone walls leached warmth from my back as I waited, watching the patch of light move slowly across the floor.

When the rat peeked inside at the window I was dozing. I straightened up and watched as it looked around to check whether or not the coast was clear. Satisfied, it returned to me and spat a little paper out of its mouth into my palm and then climbed up one of my sleeves.

_Report regularly. _

I flipped the note over, wrote "acknowledged" and sent the rat off again.

One of the children across the room whimpered and stirred. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes. When she saw me she turned to the other girl and shook her.

"Kayoko-neechan."

Kayoko woke up with a groan and sat up. "What is it?"

The younger girl pointed at me.

"Aw sh-oot" Kayoko said, barely catching herself. "Hey, don't be scared. Come over here and introduce yourself."

I got up hesitantly and walked over. "I'm Mei." I said, and settled down cross-legged two feet away from them.

"Kayoko," the girl pointed at herself with a thumb that trembled "you can call me neechan, if you want. And don't be scared, I'm sure our parents will pay whatever the men ask for." She swallowed uncertainly. The girl couldn't be but a few years older than I was, physically, for all her bravado.

"Yeah." I said, not wanting to burst her bubble.

"And this munchkin," she patted the other girl on the head, "is Ayu-chan."

"I'm hungry." Ayu-chan said plaintively.

Kayoko looked at the light on the floor. "Daizō should be coming by soon with lunch." She said.

My stomach growled. I hadn't eaten breakfast. I could go awhile without food, but the promise of an imminent meal was nice.

"You know his name?" I asked.

"Yeah. I yelled at him until he told me."

"How long have you been here?"

"A week, I think. He told us they were going to move us, but they need to wait, to make it less suspicious." she said, giving away the lie in her previous words. Perhaps she hadn't figured it out yet, that we wouldn't need to be moved if they were just going to ask for a ransom and let us go.

"He sure told you a lot." I observed.

"Yeah, well, I know his name." she said, "I was able to badger him to get us these blankets, and get him to tell me a little, even if…" she took a deep breath "I couldn't get him to let us go free."

The basement door banged open and Daizō stomped down the steps carrying some bags.

_Takeout? Seriously? Well, I guess it's not so much it couldn't just be for a normal-sized family, so it wouldn't be suspicious to buy._

Daizō dropped the bags at the foot of the stairs and stomped back up them, slamming the door behind him.

"Have you tried to escape?" I asked.

Kayoko shook her head as she got up to bring the food over. "The only one who could maybe attack him is me—and you, but you weren't here before—but even if I distracted him Ayu is just six, she couldn't run up the stairs fast enough to escape. If I managed to get past him alone, I couldn't leave her behind."

"How old are you anyway?" She asked as she sat back down.

"Eleven." I told her.

"Thirteen." She said, then sighed. "Besides, it doesn't matter. Our parents will get us out of here."

"Itadakimasu" we all mumbled over our food after it had been divvied out.

After lunch Ayu sidled up to me. "Can you tell a story?" she asked. "Kayoko-neechan told me all the ones she knows."

"Uhhh." I fumbled. Children's stories were not in my repertoire. _Except._ I put my head in my hands. _Except you wrote some down, on that scroll. You can't keep running away from that, can you? _"Yes." I sighed, and lifted my head.

"Once upon a time…" I started, "there was a beautiful girl, with long, long, golden hair…"

000

"…The end." I whispered.

Somehow after the fifth story Ayu's head had ended up in my lap and she was now, a couple more stories later, sound asleep. My legs had gone numb. I contemplated this with some misgiving. If I moved her she might wake up. If I didn't move her my legs might fall off.

Gently I lifted her head off my lap and onto the blanket.

"She sleeps most of the time." Kayoko whispered. "There isn't anything else to do."

I stood up and kneaded my leg muscles. "That's nice."

"Those were interesting stories."

"I made them up."

"You should write them down."

"Maybe."

The bang of the door made Kayoko jump, but mercifully Ayu didn't wake up. A different man brought dinner in the same manner Daizō had brought lunch, taking up the empty bags from lunch that Kayoko had left by the stairs.

We ate quietly, saving some for Ayu, and Kayoko decided she was going to take a nap too.

Sai's ink rat, which had been waiting patiently out of sight for some time now, scampered out of a shadow and up to me. It had no new message, but brought a blank scrap of paper. I wrote down the three names I knew of, Homura, Mami, and Daizō, and sent it off.

I performed kata silently for a while, as the shadows lengthened. The light crept up the wall and then it disappeared, plunging the basement into darkness.

Silence but for breathing. That and the cold stone beneath my feet, transported me to a different time and place. I heard the whimpering of young children, their crying in the dark. My feet slid across the stone floor slowly, wary of catching on rough places. I kicked. _Higher!_ _Faster!_

_Or what?_

"_Danzo isn't going to punish us anymore."_

_Oh Sai, you have no idea._

I slowly lowered myself into a crouch, my head in my hands. I could still feel the leather straps, rubbing my skin raw.

"_Watch carefully, Fu. This is how you remold a person who has a deeply entrenched existing identity, normally the case with adults. She may be a child, but she's a special case. Viper will demonstrate and you will help in some parts."_

_I won't let them! It's my mind. I won't let them break me._

"_Suté-chan," (that is not my name!) "you may think you have some willpower to resist. You have no power here. Your body is not yours to control. Your mind is not yours to control. You do not know this yet, but Viper and Fu will teach you."_

_Young children with kunai in their hands. Terror and determination on their faces._

_This, this isn't the time for this._

_Please not my eye, not my eye, as long as it's not-! _

_When was the last time you were with young children in the dark? They have a different way of breathing than adults—the caverns of their lungs are so much smaller._

_A kunai in my hand._

_I don't care, I don't care where it is anymore, just make it stop, please. _

_Why are you so determined to not feel anything?_

_Blood on the floor._

_Inoichi told you, you need to _feel_ in order to be a great ninja._

Pain.

_I never wanted to be any sort of ninja. What choice did I have, in the end? What if I don't want to be a great ninja?_

_You need to be the best ninja, for Danzo-sama._

_Blood on my hands._

_Am I a child? _I _remembered_. I remembered green grass, running in search of fairies in the wood. I remembered staring at flowers, and playing with siblings, and my parent's hugs.

_No, no, no, not for a long time. _I rocked back and forth on my heels, breath escaping in whistling sobs as I tried to be silent. _Not for such a long time._

_Not for twenty years._

_These last five haven't been very happy, have they? _I could feel the blood drying on my arms. I didn't know whose it was.

_Be quiet, don't wake the children. _

_Making noise doesn't do any good. Speaking isn't necessary to obey. _

_You are more than those five years, aren't you? But you've tried so very hard to forget._

_I couldn't be good. I couldn't be good. I'm so sorry._

_Be a good shinobi. _Danzo-sama's voice in my head, in my _heart_.

_This is why you need to let go again. You can't do this now, you're on a mission!_

_I am a tool. I have no past. The past is a dream I made up. There is only the mission. That is the only important thing._

_Breathe._

_Those tiny little breaths. Tiny hands, searching for a warm body to hug or be hugged by. Only to be met with coldness and silence, forever and ever and ever, until they stopped reaching._

_Breathe. _

_Breathe._

000

I did not get much sleep that night.

000

The next couple days dragged on, and the nights dragged longer.

_I can leave. Anytime I want. _

_Someone else can come back._

_I can't leave the children. Not here in the dark._ Not when there were so many of them, in so many little cells.

_It's so cold._

000

On the fifth evening we were moved. It was dusk. I'd been watching the light creep up the wall with trepidation. Kayoko had tried to get me to huddle with her and Ayu, but I'd refused. I couldn't take their warmth away.

"Come on, git on up here." Daizō had said, almost jovial. "You're going somewhere else now. To a bigger place. Don't make a sound now, or we'll break your necks."

They bundled us into a merchant's wagon that had a false floor with breathing holes on the bottom layer. In we went, face down, with the false floor over us and merchandise, barrels and blankets and things, on top of that.

We could hear Daizō's muffled goodbye.

I periodically turned my Byakugan on to see where we were going. When we had passed through the town gates, I directed a rat with my chakra to crawl out of my clothes and escape through a breathing hole and dart into the grass back towards the town. I lost my feel of it soon enough, but it had enough intelligence to make it back to Sai without my direction. I couldn't send a message, so I had to trust that my sending one _without _a message would be a message in and of itself.

I could still escape on my own. If the journey was longer than a day, if they cared about what condition we arrived in they would have to let us out sometime. Whenever that happened, I could escape. And if we reached our destination in a day, then the same thing, I could escape when they let us out. I just hoped whoever was in town would take the hint and try and find me so that they could follow the cart to its destination. There wasn't room for me to turn my head, so even with the Byakugan on I could only get a limited view of where we were going. Having a pair of outside eyes could only help identify our path later.

We headed south for a day. Sometime in midmorning, the merchant train gained a couple shadows.

_Tenzo-taicho._ _Sai._

My breathing eased a little. Their chakra signatures were bright and strong, unlike the weak, pale flames of the civilians.

We were let out for the night to eat and do our business, then put under guard to sleep out under the open stars.

I slept apart from the others. The night was mild in the August heat, but I couldn't stop shivering.

We traveled south all the next day too. The day after that we turned west. In the late afternoon we came to another town. This would be Totsukawa, a village near the border with the Land of Rain. It was not so large as Hayakawa or as well maintained as Konoha. The wagon bumped over cracks and potholes in the flagstone streets. I could see with my Byakugan the walls of buildings had been blackened by soot-filled air that blew in from Amegakure.

We trundled to a stop at a warehouse where the goods in the wagon were unloaded. The now "empty" wagon rolled out again at a quicker pace, before stopping in the yard of a large inn. I switched my Byakugan off. The false bottom of the wagon being removed let in a blast of fresh air. The children and I sat up to see knives being pointed at us.

"Not one peep." One of the men said. "Get out."

We climbed out of the wagon with stiff limbs and aching necks and were ushered inside along with five other children who had been hidden in the two other wagons that had come with us. A man each grabbed a child's hand. One of the men with his hands free lit a torch and followed behind us.

The led us around to the back of the inn, where there was what looked like the entrance to a root cellar with a heavy lock on it. However the staircase went a long, long way down and the place we went into was clearly not used to store fruits and vegetables. There was a stage at the left end, and sconces for torches on the wall. By the stage there was a single lit torch, nearing the end of its life, which did little to dispel the darkness. The light from the torch behind us only served to stretch our shadows out long before us. I couldn't see how big the room was.

There were also what looked to be fifteen children, kids and young teenagers, already here, sitting or lying on the stage in the only light available to them.

Beside me Kayoko swore. I was inclined to agree with the sentiment.

_Clearly _this wasn't something that had "sprung up recently" and this inn probably had something of a reputation if it was at all successful enough for children to be in such high demand. Then again, when Eagle-taicho had said "recently" I hadn't asked him what that meant. I'd been thinking something along the lines of "a couple months," but I was now having to shift that assessment to "a couple years."

The men shoved us forward, towards the stage; those who'd been carrying kids set them down. They turned around and left, taking their light with them and laughing as they went up the stairs. Kayoko picked up Ayu. A guy who looked fifteen or sixteen beckoned us all forward.

"Hey," he said tiredly. "there's a couple things you need to know. Firstly, it's no use screaming. If anybody can even hear us, nobody cares. Second, there's buckets over there for doing your business in," he pointed to the darkness to the right of the stage, across from where we'd entered from, "the torch went out but they slap us about if we make a mess on the floor. Third, they feed us regular, so don't worry about that. Four, they bring a couple lights down once a day, and they bring lights with them to fetch us, so if the torch goes out don't worry about it being dark forever. Got it?"

I nodded and sat down cross-legged on the stage.

"I-I thought they were going to ask for a ransom." Kayoko said desperately. "That's what this is, right?"

"Nah." The kid said dully. "we're bodies. They hold an auction every couple months, and in-between times the inn gets to use us. If we was proper prostitutes they'd have to pay us an' treat us right, but this ain't some fancy red-light district. Sometimes they sell us off to people who want someone permanent, but that's it. And none of us last long. Kids disappear all the time. I'm the oldest here, but I ain't been here the longest. That's Chisato." He pointed at one of the sleeping girls, who looked to be around eleven. She had a wine-dark birthmark covering the lower right half of her jaw and spreading down her neck. "She's been here a year, as far as she can reckon. I've been around four months. Oh, and I'm Isamu."

"Nice to meet you." I murmured, as Kayoko began to panic. She tightened her hold on Ayu, who began to cry. "Kayoko, put Ayu-chan down."

That brought her back to her senses a little and she loosened her grip on the girl, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Do you want down?"

"Yes!" Ayu ran over to me and hugged me from behind, burying her face in my shoulder. I had to stop myself from elbowing her away. I told myself no, these aren't arms reaching around me to crush in my ribs and no, the pressure on my shoulder isn't a hand pushing down to dislocate it.

"I'm going to die." Kayoko moaned.

Normally I would have dismissed that, but I remembered the sick feeling of fear in my gut I'd once had about whether I was going to live through the next day, or even the next hour. "You'll be fine," I said hesitantly, trying to drudge up something comforting, "You won't die. We'll all make it through this."

"You seem awful calm." Isamu commented to me.

"I've been focusing on other things." I said. The torch guttered. "Ayu-chan, can you let go? I've got to go to the bathroom."

When I was shrouded by darkness I turned my Byakugan on. The Byakugan didn't give me the ability to see in the dark, but high above me people's chakra became visible as though the stars had just been turned on in the night sky. Most of them were small and weak, but there were a couple up there that were bright and strong. _Tenzo and Sai, I hope. If not, that means we have some ninja in on this party._

I turned off my Byakugan. I crouched down and coaxed out one of Sai's rats. I wrote out _23 kids _in what I hoped was legible writing and put the scrap of paper in the rat's mouth and sent it scampering off.

I was half out of chakra from having to keep using my Byakugan and holding the henge over my eyes on for so long. When it came to the fight-because it would, we were sent here to eliminate everyone involved-I'd have to be careful.

I went back to the stage, turning things over in my mind. I should probably escape now and regroup with the others. I'd wait on taicho's reply.

Before the rat returned, the torch went out.

_I need to get out of here, or I'll be no use on this mission. Sai's rat can find me and give me orders just as well if I'm outside._

I stood up and silently felt my way to the edge of the stage, hopping off of it. I made my way to the staircase and started up it. I reached the door and stopped for a moment. The simplest and most silent way to get out would be to tunnel my way a little to the side and out with an earth jutsu. I'd just have to accept the dent performing the technique was going to make in my chakra.

I turned my Byakugan on just to check to see if the coast was clear. There were two people right outside the door. Tenzo and Sai.

I had to give a half smile. This would leave less evidence. Tenzo passed through the door.

"Tiger-taicho." I whispered.

He was a bit startled, but then nodded, "Nice to meet you here." He said, holding out an arm. I took it and he phased both of us back through the door. Then Tenzo beckoned with a hand and led us behind the inn stables where the horses would help cover up the noise of our talking.

"Anything else to report?" Tenzo-taicho asked me.

"Yes." I took a deep breath and told him what Isamu had said, about the auctions, their situation, and how long Chisato had been here, giving a minimum time frame of the operation of the group.

"Alright. Here's the situation." Tenzo said. "The others are following another lead. What it looks like is that the slavers found inns willing to be paid to keep their wares at, in exchange for money and services, as well as the fact that buyers coming and staying nights would increase revenue. We'll have to assassinate those working with the slave group and the inn owners and workers, but clear the inn of the guests. It would be too suspicious for a whole inn-full of people to be killed. We'll clear people out by setting the inn on fire after the assassinations are finished. Got it?"

Sai and I nodded.

"Owl-chan, give us their positions."

I turned my Byakugan on and drew out a layout of the inn in the dirt, poking my stick in spots to indicate where all the men who'd come with the wagons were staying.

"There's a shinobi in there too." I marked his position.

"I'll get rid of him first. He could notice what was going on and raise the alarm." Taicho said.

"What if he's a Leaf shinobi?" Sai asked, alarmed.

"Then I'll incapacitate him and haul him outside. We just need to make certain he doesn't see us so that nobody can tie this back to Konoha."

"Oh, right."

"You two eliminate the guards. I'll dispose of the staff."

Made sense. He was giving himself the "moving" targets.

"Scatter."

We all rushed away.

I started on the top floor and worked my way down. Taking down the guards was child's play. They were all tired from the long day's walk and unprepared for an attack. All of them had separate rooms, so we didn't have to worry about taking down multiple opponents before anyone raised an alarm. Sai was doing equally well; I didn't hear a sound from the section of the inn he was ghosting through.

I gave a maid a bit of a scare when I came out of a room, spattered in blood, but I'd thrown a kunai into her throat before she could make a sound. I caught the tray she was carrying, it would make the most noise if it hit the ground, and winced at the thud she made. Nobody came to investigate the noise. I dragged the body into the room I'd just exited and placed the tray in there as well. There wasn't anything I could do about the blood on the floor. I'd have to finish quickly. Only three more rooms to go.

Of course, the best laid plans often go awry.

I had one more room to go when I heard a scream. It was too far away to have been from someone encountering the mess on the floor that I'd left, so either Sai or Tenzo had slipped up. The need for stealth wasn't quite gone, people on this side of the inn would possibly ignore the noise because humans could be very hesitant or, as the case may be, indifferent creatures, but still I simply yanked the last door open and threw a kunai into the man's back. He half rose, gasping, but I was there in a second to yank out the kunai and draw it across his neck too.

I turned my Byakugan on. Sai had finished off his guards, but two of the guests had found him. He would have to eliminate the witnesses and from there it would be a domino effect, their noise only attracting more people. Tenzo was on his way over there. If we wanted anyone to make it out of the inn alive it was time to distract people with more pressing concerns. There was an oil lamp on the bed stand. I poured the oil out onto the floor, barely being able to see it on the ground in the darkened room, and lit it with a fire jutsu. For a moment I stood, mesmerized, watching the fire spread. There was so much _light._ It was both abrasive and beautiful.

I henged into the maid I had killed.

"Fire!" I shouted, yanking open doors and disturbing the occupants. Families (this wasn't _solely_ a hive of scum and villainy, a fair few of the guests likely had no idea what went on under their feet) bundled up their children and ran through the halls. Of course, in some of the rooms I interrupted repulsive men, who left their companions behind to die. By the time I'd gone through my half of the inn there was a five-year old hanging on to my neck, and a twelve year old and a fourteen year old following close behind me. My eyes were streaming from the smoke. I handed the kid off to the twelve year old when we got near the entrance, saying I needed to help evacuate more guests. She and the other girl ran straight past where people were milling about in the yard vanished into the night.

I went off to join Sai and Tenzo. They had taken care of the two guests who'd found Sai, plus one other unfortunate soul who'd seen them. We were ANBU. We couldn't let anyone know that ninja were involved. The inn was filling with smoke and the heat was rising. Sai and Tenzo met me on their way out, coughing and waving away smoke. We jumped out a back window.

"You had to get the party started without us." Tenzo-taicho wheezed, flapping his hands at me when I opened my mouth to explain my actions. "That was a joke, Owl-chan."

Here we spat more fireball jutsu at the back of the inn, spreading the damage. Tenzo and Sai both henged into inn staff and we went and addressed the guests, calling for people to follow us to the nearest well to get buckets to help douse the fire. Sai and I led the way and Tenzo stayed behind, supposedly to watch over the inn. In reality, he was going to make certain it had collapsed before we got back. Sai and I listened to what people were saying, but nobody who'd gotten out knew there was anything suspicious that had happened.

One person even complained to Sai, saying "Did you put those old-fashioned lamps in every room? I bet it was one of them. That was a disaster waiting to happen."

"No, I think it came from the kitchen." A man said. "I'd say it was an electric fire, with how quick it was."

"No, I'm certain it was one of the rooms." Someone else piped in, and they devolved into arguing about the cause and who was going to carry the buckets, while parents tried to calm crying children. It took us long enough to get them sorted and back to the inn that it made it just that much more believable that the inn's roof had fallen in and nobody was allowed to go back in and try and rescue their things. Even trying to put the fire out was futile. Eventually people left to try and find places to stay in the other inn in town.

We stayed behind and made certain that nothing was left but ash.

"What are we going to do about the kids?" I asked.

"Let them out." Taicho said. "We can't take the time to deliver them back to their homes, but we can do that much."

We went around to where the cellar was. The door was charred and half fallen in, and we could see in a little ways until darkness swallowed the light.

I was sweating. "May I stand guard?" I asked.

Tenzo gave me a concerned look, but the emotion didn't color his words. "Sure, be sure not to let them see you when we bring them out."

I nodded and performed a chameleon jutsu.

Sai produced a torch from somewhere and Tenzo took it and lit it. They both henged to change their appearance again and went down into the cellar. It was a grateful group of kids who stumbled out of there. Isamu had Ayu in his arms and Kayoko was carrying another girl. Chisato was crying in Tenzo's arms. Another kid held one of Sai's hands and he held the torch in the other.

For a moment I hated them, Kayoko and Ayu especially, for the memories they'd awakened. Then I felt the drying blood on me, real and imagined, and felt sick to my stomach. I slunk away to make certain no one brushed against me. Tenzo handed Chisato to another somewhat older kid, patting her on the head and apologizing that he and "his brother" (Sai) couldn't stay and help.

"That's alright." Isamu said. "we'll make it somehow."

Tenzo handed him a roll of bills from his wallet. "With that, you will. Spend it wisely."

The money disappeared into Isamu's pocket. "Thanks."

Tenzo looked at the group, and then sighed.

"Actually," he said loudly, "are any of you from Hayakawa? We're heading that way." Ten hands shot up.

"You kids can come with us." There were some hesitant smiles through the tears.

The group of them left with me trailing them, still invisible.

**Review responses:**

**k123: **No, it wasn't a signal. I just decided she would give herself some sort of tic to be in a different character. :) Thanks again for the reviews!


	19. Chapter 19

**Trigger Warning: **More allusions to torture. Hallucination.

Still somewhat dark, sorry, but it gets lighter at the end.

000

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting

And cometh from afar;

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

Alfred Tennyson

Ode on Intimations of Immortality

000

We didn't travel far outside the town limits before Tenzo declared that there'd been an awful lot of excitement lately, hadn't there, and we'd all better get a good night's sleep. Also, we have no tents, sorry. Luckily the nights are still warm.

Sai meandered off to the right, away from the others.

"You can come join us if you henge, you know." He said to me quietly.

"I'd rather not."

"Why?" He asked.

I rubbed my eye tiredly. "They're distracting." I said.

Sai's forehead wrinkled. "From what? You don't need to be on watch duty all night."

"I don't want to be near them, that's all."

"Why?"

I looked away from him, out at the dim scene of grasses waving in the breeze, watchful of movement. I could have sworn I'd seen something, but it must have been my imagination. "They're bringing up pointless memories." I murmured.

"Oh." He said. "What memories?" An owl hooted somewhere in the distance.

I shook my head. "Go back to the kids, Sai, or they'll wonder what you're doing out here."

I heard him leave. I made myself as comfortable as I could on the ground.

000

I was up before anyone else the next morning (besides Tenzo-taicho, who had the last watch). I snuck through the grass and killed a few birds and well as some rabbits, which I deposited by Tenzo with no one else the wiser. When the kids arose there was meat on spits waiting for them for breakfast, which they gobbled down hungrily. And so it went, I kept out of sight, hunted and kept watch as we made our way back to Hayakawa. Tenzo gave the youngest kid a piggyback ride almost the whole way. After four days of travel (twice the time it would have taken us on our own) we were in sight of the big town.

"You kids can make it the rest of the way, right?" Tenzo asked. "We've got to make a turn here, we're going to Yoichi." He said, naming a town that meant we had to angle past Hayakawa to the right to get there the fastest.

"Hai. We'll make it fine. Thank you so much, Hiro-san." Kayoko said, smiling and calling Tenzo by the false name he'd given them.

"No problem! You kids get home safely!"

Tenzo and Sai split off from them and ambled away. There was a copse of trees in their path, and once they'd gotten there they dropped the henges they'd been holding all that time. I perched on a branch above them.

"Are you good to go, Sai?" Tenzo asked.

"Hai." Sai said stoically. Henges weren't very chakra intensive, but at ten Sai wasn't exactly made of chakra either.

"What about you, Hikaru-chan? You seem tense."

"I'm fine." I said. I wasn't about to tell him that I'd been seeing Viper and Fu out of the corners of my eyes. Viper was _dead. _Fu was probably back in Konoha. Neither of them could possibly be shadowing me. I was being paranoid.

"Let's get going then."

We all performed a camouflage jutsu and slipped into the town at around lunchtime, some time before the kids would reach the town gates. Sai and I went into the hotel together, running up the stairs and into one of our rooms. Aoba and Kōsuke were inside.

"What took you so long?" Kōsuke asked. "We expected you back days ago."

Sai crossed the room to open the window and let Tenzo in. "We walked some of the kids here until we were a couple hours walking distance from the gates." He said, over his shoulder.

I nodded as Tenzo climbed into the room. Kōsuke shrugged. "Tch, that's fine then."

"Where are Yūgao and Tadao?" Tenzo asked.

"Cleaning up in Tōma." Kōsuke replied. "They should be back tonight, tomorrow at the latest."

"That's the last of them, isn't it?" Tenzo asked, and Kosuke nodded, "looks like we're ahead of schedule."

We'd expected this mission to take a month, but it had only taken half, so far.

"Yeah, because we are that awesome." Aoba said smugly.

I brought the hideout in town up, wondering if we still needed to get rid of Daizō and anyone else at that house I'd been kept at. After that, if there was anyone we missed, well, they no longer had any sort of network in place and most of their associates were dead.

Kōsuke informed me that it had already been taken care of.

"We performed a little kidnapping," Aoba elaborated, "took them out to the woods and disposed of them."

It was almost over, then.

000

I woke up in the middle of the night, only to find myself back on the stage in the room underneath the inn.

Fu and Viper lurked in the darkness. I sat with my back to them, but I could hear them, they breathed differently.

I was vaguely aware that I was dreaming, and had a terrible sense of foreboding. I started trying to pull myself out of it. If I didn't, something bad was going to happen. Fighting against the dream felt like trying to run in water, and whenever I stopped to rest I lost all progress.

I heard them coming, creeping forward in near perfect silence, making only enough noise that a fellow shinobi could detect.

"_She's hallucinating, Danzo-sama. Should we take a break?" _

_Wha-what's happening? No! I'm remembering! You can't make me forget! I'm not hallucinating, am I?_

"_No, Fu. That's an expected side effect. Continue."_

"_Don't resist, Suté-chan. It will only hurt worse."_

Viper reached out and placed a hand on the nape of my neck, his fingers dug into my skin, but before I started choking he disappeared into smoke. I bit my tongue and tasted blood, heartbeat thudding in my ears. Then Fu was in front of me, I knew it though I could not see him, and he reached out and placed a hand on my forehead, forcing my head back. The tip of the kunai in his other hand traced a trail under my right eye, almost teasing. I brought a hand up to ward him off, and he too, vanished. I cupped my hand over my eye, but there was no cut there.

_(Move. You have to move. If you can move you'll wake up) My limbs, when I was aware of them, were leaden weights. (Move.)_

"I need to get out of here," I thought "or I'll be no use on this mission. Sai's rat can find me and give me orders just as well if I'm outside."

I stood up and silently felt my way to the edge of the stage, hopping off of it. I made my way to the staircase. I started up it.

Someone was breathing behind me.

_(Wake up, wake up, wake up)_

Very deliberately, in case one of the children had somehow managed to follow me, I turned around. I couldn't see anyone. Of course I couldn't, it was pitch dark. I turned my Byakugan on. There was no one there.

Viper gripped my forearm.

"Time for another session."

I flailed at the voice, but he wasn't there_. _I was in a house, second floor. I needed to _leave_, someone was coming to get me. I ran down the stairs and there was someone there, someone vaguely familiar and comforting, and I had to get her out too because I couldn't leave her behind with _him_.

"Mom, we have to leave! We have to—"

And then the sword slid into my back. I felt nothing more than pressure, because I was dreaming and my brain was merciful enough to not be so realistic as to let me feel pain. In fact, I kept on feeling that pressure and there really should've been something sticking out of my front by now but there was nothing. Almost like the pressure on my back was from a trick blade, but no, it was "real" because there was blood coming out of my mouth.

The woman in front of me looked horrified. I had been too late. I hadn't been able to get us out.

And then I woke up. Strapped down. Of course. I'd been hallucinating. Fu and Viper were helping me work through that. The pain helped me focus on what was real.

No. That _wasn't right_. They were _hurting _me.

_( .p. I can't up.)_

I couldn't get away. Fu, expression hidden behind his mask, was reaching towards me and I was struggling but I couldn't. get. away.

The dream shifted again. Hands were on my shoulders. Strong, larger than Fu. Viper. I wasn't strapped down again, so I wasn't going let him hurt me. My hand moved towards his chest, I intended to take him out with a Gentle Fist strike, but just as suddenly he was gone, halfway across the room. I stumbled out of bed and turned my Byakugan on, taking in the room.

"Hikaru! You're safe!"

I didn't believe that for a minute. As I became more aware of my surroundings I saw that the darkened room was full of ROOT agents; any one of which would happily slit my throat if that was what Danzo wanted. What was one of them doing waking me up? Why'd I been sleeping in a room with more than one person anyway?

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Give her some space." Someone said.

_Taicho. _My brain helpfully provided. _You're on a mission_.

That cleared some things up, but not all of them. I felt like I had ants crawling all over my skin, and Viper and Fu were in the room but they had no chakra signatures and that was more than a little creepy. Why were they here, anyway? Danzo was having Fu guard him, last I knew of. My mom was also in the room. She didn't have a chakra signature either.

"Let's get some light in here." A female voice said, and flipped a light switch.

Viper, Fu, and Mom disappeared, and I could see that my teammates were...Tenzo, Yugao, and Tadao. I blinked stupidly at them. Tadao had been the one to shake me awake. He was taking off his mask and looking at me warily.

"Where did—" I began, and then cut myself off. Something wasn't right here. They weren't ghosts, because I was pretty sure that Fu was still alive. But none of them should have been here. Was I still dreaming? I rubbed at my arms.

"Know who we are?" Tenzo asked softly. He was sitting cross legged on the other bed in the room.

I straightened out of the taijutsu stance I'd been in and faced him. I was breathing a bit heavier than I would've liked to have admitted.

"Yes, taicho." I said, still slightly wary. I was almost certain I was awake. Dreams always had at least a _bit_ of fuzziness to them. Either you couldn't move fast enough, or things were visually blurry, or you couldn't feel pain properly. Something was always slightly off about your senses. Or at least that's how it was for me. Everything was coming in sharp and clear now, but I had been seeing people who weren't there, so that was a bit confusing.

_Either you're asleep, or you're awake and hallucinating. Either one isn't good, but I think it's the latter. Everything else is too clear._

I shuddered and sat down on my bed. Yūgao came over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. My knee-jerk reaction was to move away, but I resisted. It was a wasted effort, because she noticed me shift at her touch and withdrew her hand.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you." She said. "We came in and you were thrashing about. I was worried you were having a nightmare and thought it would be a good idea to wake you."

I hadn't been upset. Confused, wary, tense, yes. Feeling the effects of fading phantom pain, yes. But not upset. Ironically, the more awake I became the more I could feel rising distress.

_I'm already emotionally compromised, since my conditioning continues to break down. If I can't rely on my physical senses-my _sight_ most especially, since that's one of my strengths-then I'm going to go insane. I may already _be _insane. Hallucinations are not a good sign, and that's putting it lightly._

"I'm fine." I said. "Don't worry about it."

"Alright everyone, we can get a few more hours sleep before morning, so we should take advantage of it." Tenzo shut down the conversation.

000

After we reported back to Konoha I requested a private meeting with Taicho. As our squad leader he had an "office" in ANBU headquarters, a small room that held little more than a desk, chair, and secure filing cabinet. We went there. He went behind his desk and looked at me quizzically.

I squared my shoulders and looked at a corner of the room.

_I'm an adult. Time for me to act like it._

I took a deep breathe, opened my mouth, and closed it again. I clasped my arms behind me back, breathing slowly in and out of my nose. The seconds ticked on, falling away into the darkness of the past. A delay of the inevitable.

"Taicho." My mouth was dry. "I'm requesting a pysch evaluation. I believe I am unfit for active duty."

I could see in my peripheral vision that Tenzo's expression displayed nothing more than his usual wide-eyed earnestness. "Is this about having nightmares?"

"No. I believe that due to the similarities of the environment when I was first held in ROOT, being with the children on our last mission triggered a….negative reaction. I've been…" I stuttered to a stop. It didn't sound so ridiculous when I thought it to myself, but saying it out loud felt almost silly. That feeling was only somewhat lessened by the fact that I was looking at the evidence. "I've been hallucinating."

Tenzo's forehead furrowed. "Are you certain?"

My eyes tracked Viper as he left the corner of the room and drew a kunai from the inside of his sleeve. His mask was off, revealing his face. A scar bent his mouth into a permanent sneer, which broadened maliciously as he smiled and started tossing the kunai into the air. He had liked to do that when he was alive.

"Yes. Unless you can also see Viper." I pointed at the phantom.

Tenzo didn't turn his head. "Describe him to me. What's he doing?"

I told him, keeping an eye on the kunai. After my description Viper caught his kunai and held it. He laughed, sending chills down my spine.

"You were my most challenging project, did you know that?" He said. "Half cracked already, but not in the right ways."

"Shut up." I told him. "You're not real."

"Owl-chan, focus on me." Tenzo ordered. I tried, but it was difficult when Viper kept talking.

"I did my best job on you, I think. Danzo-sama even complimented me, despite the fact that we had to do so many sessions. I don't need to be real." Viper laughed again. "That's the beauty of it."

"I believe you." Tenzo told me. "You didn't look at me at all until I told you to. While the fact that you're avoiding eye-contact isn't unusual, it's obvious from your face that you aren't looking _away _from me, but rather _towards_ something else. Stop glancing at him, Hikaru, he'll take longer to go away that way. I'll schedule an appointment with one of the Yamanaka clan."

That got me to focus just on Tenzo's face. I looked straight into his eyes.

"Not Fu. Fu Yamanaka. It can't be him, alright?" I said. Viper chuckled and started throwing his kunai again.

"He was in ROOT, wasn't he?" Tenzo asked. I nodded. "He wouldn't be allowed to do an evaluation on you anyway, so don't worry about it."

000

Inoichi himself came. Somehow I wasn't surprised. Not only did he know the full story of my past, but I was the daughter of a clan head which gave me some more importance than I would have otherwise had.

"I'm ready to tell you there's something wrong with me." I said after we greeted each other, referring back to that first evaluation he'd taken of me shortly after Danzo had been executed.

Time to get my head right.

000

Tadao helped me carry my things to the Hyūga compound. There weren't many boxes, so it only took the one trip. I left my mask and armor and tanto behind, because if I rejoined the shinobi forces it would most likely be as a genin. Yūgao gave me a hug goodbye and made me promise to come over to her place for dinner every once in a while. Sai came by and shook my hand, simply saying "I hope I see you later." Nobody but Tenzo knew exactly why I was leaving. They knew it was psychological, but not the specifics. Honestly since there were so many other culprits to point to that weren't "hallucinations," I didn't doubt they'd figure it was something else. I much preferred it that way, even though all the alternatives weren't very flattering either. I had a lot I needed to work on with Inoichi.

Hinata was waiting for us at the compound door. She almost tripped over herself to grab the box I was carrying and squeak "Welcome home!" Her face was completely red with excitement. She led the way inside and Tadao waited patiently behind me when I stopped two steps in the doorway.

"I'm home." I said quietly. Those words weren't true, yet, but perhaps one day they would be. I continued in.

Hinata led us to my room. There was a futon folded up with a lavender coverlet folded on top of that. There was a low writing desk against a wall next to a dresser. There was an end stand with a lamp in a corner. I was silently grateful for that. I had a feeling I'd be needing it. A large window with the curtains drawn back allowed light to fill the room without the harshness that electrical lights bring.

Hinata and Tadao set the boxes against a wall, and then Tadao came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I don't want to insult you, but I'm relieved at this decision. I think it's the best choice you could make, for yourself and for others. I suppose you'll go back to training with Hinata, and there's nothing that I can teach you about Gentle Fist that Hiashi-sama can't, but if you'd ever like to spar with me just ask."

"Ah. Thank you." I said. He patted me on the shoulder and left.

Then Hinata was hugging me again and crying into my shoulder. I patted her on the back carefully. Eventually she pulled away.

"I'm so glad you're back." She said, smiling through tears.

"Say, Hinata…" I said hesitantly, because I knew this was probably going to hurt her a little, but it was important for her to understand. I was afraid that even without that to consider I was going to mess this all up.

"Yes?"

"You know I'm different, ne? I'm not the same Hikaru I was before, just like you've probably changed in five years. I haven't come "back" and I'm not the sister you knew. I'm not going to be easy to live with."

Hinata poked her fingers together. "Hikaru…I th-think I understand what you're saying, b-but…you're my sister, no matter who you are."

Perhaps you've felt it before. I have, in my past life and now again in this one. When some unexpected kindness makes your heart _hurt_, so every beat is painful. I'm not certain what causes it; if when your chest feels dull and empty it leaves your heart vulnerable to be hurt by kindness just because it's a new sensation, or one you've not felt for a while. Maybe that's it. I knew what caused this, though. Hinata's acceptance of who I was, whatever condition I came in.

To think I once had dreams of rescuing _her_.

I reached forward and pulled her back into a hug until my heart stopped hurting.

000

**Review Responses:**

**Guest: **Yes, I think Kakashi would use the sama suffix when talking to Inoichi. Why? Inoichi is a _clan head._ He outranks Kakashi. Duh. (Admittedly I have a limited understanding of when to use which suffixes, but I'm pretty certain I got that one right.) And yes, I had Hikaru show too much emotion too fast, it was bad writing. However she didn't lose "all of her pain and emotional conditioning."

I need to rewrite a lot of things honestly, but I'm going to _finish it first._ If I don't I'd probably abandon it. As I keep on writing I will improve my writing, so unless I finish it I could easily see myself getting stuck in a loop of revising the beginning. However if I do finish it then I can actually have a completed story on my hands, and then go back and make it ALL better.

Also, please keep in mind that this is the first fanfiction I've ever written, and the first story I've ever tried writing in a long time. I don't have practice or experience. I'm gaining those things right now.

**Eranda:** Questioning the world around us doesn't necessarily lead to disobeying orders. If you read studies about conformity then you'll see that those who don't "go with the flow" under pressure are really rare. Look up the "Milgrim Experiment." It's…rather sobering. Also, up until as late as WWII not questioning orders was seen as a _virtue_, harkening back to times when knights were loyal to the orders of their lords. It was only when so many soldiers did terrible things in Germany under the explanation "I was following orders" it became seen as something shameful.

Anyway, be careful of prejudging this story. It's barely begun. What I have in store for Hikaru's journey might surprise you.

**AN: **So, this is harking back to something earlier in the fic. Remember how I had Hikaru blindfolded while she was in ROOT, partially to hide her identity and partially to enhance her other senses? Apparently if you're blindfolded for too long, you can go blind. Yeah. Not what I want for her character. Let's just pretend she wore an eye contact. (Why didn't I think of that the first time around?) Adding that to my list of things to revise if I ever rewrite this thing. Also, fun fact. There was a study where thirteen people were blindfolded for five days, and ten of those people had hallucinations during that time. Scary.

Ok, time to talk about Hikaru's character a little more. I'm afraid I was so afraid of making her have Mary-Sue levels of power, that I made her perform too _badly_ on missions instead. Maybe not, maybe y'all thought she was performing realistically. And now that she's retiring from ANBU, well, I'd understand if some readers got tired of her being weak or see her as annoying for not having any clear-cut victories. However, I've thought of a pretty good reason in-universe that she'd be underperforming in missions thus-far, which I'll get to next chapter, and let's just say that with spiritual healing, she's going to be more powerful by the time she turns 12. I know it also seems like I keep on de-powering her and adding drama, but, for me, this story has really turned into exploring how I can build her up mentally and emotionally, and that wasn't going to happen without time and stubbornness on her part. On top of that she was never going to admit she needed help unless something that she couldn't just ignore happened like it did in this chapter. Or, you know, I could've dragged it out even longer until something else happened which forced her to take a break, but I figured it was time for her to move on to the next part of her character arc.

To sum up. She's finally hit rock bottom. Time for her to build a castle on it.


End file.
